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It was rude and mean spirited of them not to have included you in the invitation. I would have been really
hurt by that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mnseca
Wow, so many responses! And clearly, most agree that it was rude. It is possible, although unlikely, that the bride did the invites and just made a mistake, and the groom didn't take enough interest to check. I can't be sure. However, this is a large extended family where generally wedding invites are reviewed and approved and meddled in by all the in-laws. I am sure this is a fairly large wedding, not a tiny one, and not a cheap one, either. I am actually more offended that my husband has decided it's fine for them to not invite me, and plans to both go and give a gift, than I am about being left out in the first place. I have decided not to have him call and ask, because I think at this point I'd actually rather not go anyway. But thank you all for affirming my feeling that it was poor etiquette for them not to include me.
How horribly rude and insensitive of your husband. If that happened to me, and that was how my husband reacted I would be hurt beyond words. It's not normal what they did, and it's not normal how he is reacting.
I hate going to weddings, but I would still want to be invited, and if my husband didn't see why I was upset at being excluded, i would be really angry. This shows that your husband still thinks of his family as separate from you, instead of treating you like you're his family and standing up to the others.
My mother decided that my husband was excluded from all family gatherings. So my family (husband, myself and children) all quit going. My mother told me many times that the kids and I were included, just not "that ogre" or "that ass" depending on the day. I told her I've lived with him longer than I lived with her, and if I had to choose who to spend my time with, the choice was clear.
Wow, so many responses! And clearly, most agree that it was rude. It is possible, although unlikely, that the bride did the invites and just made a mistake, and the groom didn't take enough interest to check. I can't be sure. However, this is a large extended family where generally wedding invites are reviewed and approved and meddled in by all the in-laws. I am sure this is a fairly large wedding, not a tiny one, and not a cheap one, either. I am actually more offended that my husband has decided it's fine for them to not invite me, and plans to both go and give a gift, than I am about being left out in the first place. I have decided not to have him call and ask, because I think at this point I'd actually rather not go anyway. But thank you all for affirming my feeling that it was poor etiquette for them not to include me.
I too would have an issue. I think your husband is doing the wrong thing and sitting the tone for future invitations by going without you. Especially since you had these folks at your wedding.
I'd be really taking a look at your husbands actions.....it would be very hard for me to get over under the circumstances you've described.
What I would suggest is that if you both wanted to send a gift, signed by both of you with a note that as a couple neither of you will attend the ceremony since only one of you was invited.
I wouldn't like it if my husband chooses to go to a wedding that I wasn't invited to. I can be real petty though, I will make him buy the gift himself and wrap it by himself too.
Oh heck to the no... He can go but I would buy and wrap the gift. I would get the book on etiquette with a bookmark marking the page on proper invitations.
We just got a wedding invitation from my husband's cousin. It specifies only one person is invited (my husband). While I don't know the cousin well, I have met him a couple of times (including at my wedding), and do know his mother a bit. It seems odd to me that I was left out, more because my husband and I have been married for over 10 years than because of my relationship with the cousin. How would you feel about this?
Unless you have alienated your cousin in some way, it's an oversight. This kind of stuff happens when you invite untold thousands to your wedding. Just go.
Apples and oranges. Having a cookout and calling a buddy to come is one thing, it is informal and assumed that the mate will come too. Weddings are a planned, formal affair, and the guest list is made to include ONLY the people you want to come. Leaving her name off said "We only want HIM to come, not her."
Depends on how well informed the inviter is. We did have to give our daughter pointers on what to say in the invitations, (such as "No, if you want the men to wear a suit, you do not say 'black tie'"). Such things take a bit of study, and lots of young people just think they already know it all.
Wow, so many responses! And clearly, most agree that it was rude. It is possible, although unlikely, that the bride did the invites and just made a mistake, and the groom didn't take enough interest to check. I can't be sure. However, this is a large extended family where generally wedding invites are reviewed and approved and meddled in by all the in-laws. I am sure this is a fairly large wedding, not a tiny one, and not a cheap one, either. I am actually more offended that my husband has decided it's fine for them to not invite me, and plans to both go and give a gift, than I am about being left out in the first place. I have decided not to have him call and ask, because I think at this point I'd actually rather not go anyway. But thank you all for affirming my feeling that it was poor etiquette for them not to include me.
But you don't know if it was poor etiquette or an unintentional oversight. If it's that large of a wedding, the bride could have enlisted help in addressing the envelopes and the mistake could have been made then.
By choosing to be passive about it, you'll never truly know and you'll be stuck with this hurtful feeling of being rejected. Personally, I would want to know for sure. And then if it was intentional, I'd let them know how rude that is.
Wow, so many responses! And clearly, most agree that it was rude. It is possible, although unlikely, that the bride did the invites and just made a mistake, and the groom didn't take enough interest to check. I can't be sure. However, this is a large extended family where generally wedding invites are reviewed and approved and meddled in by all the in-laws. I am sure this is a fairly large wedding, not a tiny one, and not a cheap one, either. I am actually more offended that my husband has decided it's fine for them to not invite me, and plans to both go and give a gift, than I am about being left out in the first place. I have decided not to have him call and ask, because I think at this point I'd actually rather not go anyway. But thank you all for affirming my feeling that it was poor etiquette for them not to include me.
I don't respect your husband's decision.
As a husband, I would not attend without my wife, unless she were ill or otherwise unavailable and sent me to represent her.
If I thought she was being deliberately excluded, I'd either not have told her and taken her anyway (and I'd speak my mind if anyone dared challenge me), or I'd not go.
I'm with others who have said - check, if it was not an error or oversight, then no one attends, don't send a gift or a check, a best-wishes card is all that is appropriate.
Yes, it is rude if done on purpose no matter how small the venue. If you can only invite 50 people, invite 25 couples, not 50 halves-of-couples. y.
It was rude and mean spirited of them not to have included you in the invitation. I would have been really
hurt by that.
How horribly rude and insensitive of your husband. If that happened to me, and that was how my husband reacted I would be hurt beyond words. It's not normal what they did, and it's not normal how he is reacting.
Agree, we can see where the husband got his manners.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MinivanDriver
Unless you have alienated your cousin in some way, it's an oversight. This kind of stuff happens when you invite untold thousands to your wedding. Just go.
Really bad advice. You just don't show up.
Should the OP lean against a wall when there isn't a place for her to sit at the reception? Maybe she can eat food off people's plates when the get up to dance....LOL.
This isn't a BBQ up the block, this is a formal event
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