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Old 05-04-2017, 04:34 PM
 
Location: Brackenwood
3,179 posts, read 1,272,939 times
Reputation: 6474

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Koale View Post
Is it safe to assume your husband has declined the invitation and told them why?
Koale
Uhm, hello??

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mnseca;48028341I am actually more offended [B
that my husband has decided it's fine for them to not invite me, and plans to both go and give a gift[/b], than I am about being left out in the first place.
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Old 05-04-2017, 06:24 PM
 
1,608 posts, read 1,505,444 times
Reputation: 3807
It's not good, but the OP's husband loves his family and doesn't want to jeopardize his relationship with them. I empathize and have attended my share of family functions to which my husband was not invited. I am fortunate in that my husband hasn't required me to choose between him and my family members who have rejected him. OP, you need to decide whether you can live with this or whether you need your husband to distance himself from these relatives. Either is a valid choice.
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Old 05-04-2017, 06:38 PM
 
Location: Endless Concert
1,710 posts, read 1,159,488 times
Reputation: 3250
This doesn't sound like an oversight on the invitation. I've read on wedding sites that this is becoming more common that the invitation is only for one person.

Of course it's to cut down on their cost (this shouldn't even be an option) and thinking ? they will still receive a gift. (How awful)

Nothing like intentionally insulting your guest (s) and then expecting everything to go along smoothly ?!

Also, it's becoming common for some guests to only be invited to the ceremony but not reception, how rude !

I read this about a bride & groom choosing this ridiculous route for their wedding and many of the ceremony only guests showed up at the reception and whoever was the host/event planner person had to tell them that they were ceremony only guests and not the reception. How outrageous !

Needless to say it took up a lot of the bride & groom time at the reception with upset and confused people that thought they were guests but they weren't. Ummmm Geeee Bride & Groom you didn't see this happening ahead of time ?! People this stupid shouldn't be getting married they should go back to first grade ?! Geez !

Sounds like a memorable day !

If the Bride & Groom are not going to follow proper and fundamental guidelines for the wedding it's better to elope or have a smaller wedding then insulting people.

I'm embarrassed for the Bride & Groom that don't know any better and think it's ok to invite just one spouse and/or inviting some people to ceremony only but not the reception. The shocking thing is the Bride & Groom are not embarrassed ?!

As for the gift I usually purchase something from the gift registry and wrap beautifully with silk flowers or something pretty and decorative for the bow. If I do this I bring the gift to the reception, I'm one of the few that still brings a gift, sometimes I send the gift, just depends.

Now I'm rethinking the wedding gift altogether and will make sure I'm invited to the wedding and reception.

FYI: Bride & Groom - Fundamental decency and respect works both ways.

Last edited by 70's Music Girl; 05-04-2017 at 07:04 PM..
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Old 05-05-2017, 04:25 AM
 
5,128 posts, read 5,798,780 times
Reputation: 8396
Quote:
Originally Posted by emm74 View Post

Yeah, I think as prices have skyrocketed, it's now considered ok to not add "and guest" to every invitation sent to a single person, although in the past, that was the norm. I would include engaged and living together in that category too. But that still doesn't apply to married couples, of course!
Well, not really. The etiquette is long-established on the matter.

Couples who are seriously dating, living together, or engaged are always invited together to weddings. They are not considered "single" as far as etiquette is concerned.

Putting "and guest" on invitations for single people who are not seriously dating has become common and it's a nice gesture, but it has never been a requirement.

People get themselves into trouble because they can't be bothered to look up the etiquette for the event they are holding. They just do whatever they feel like. The problem is that the majority of guests who are aware of the etiquette will have every right to feel insulted.

I do think the husband should politely question the couple just in case it's an oversight.
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Old 05-05-2017, 04:48 AM
 
Location: Gettysburg, PA
1,606 posts, read 1,605,426 times
Reputation: 2949
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mnseca View Post
We just got a wedding invitation from my husband's cousin. It specifies only one person is invited (my husband). While I don't know the cousin well, I have met him a couple of times (including at my wedding), and do know his mother a bit. It seems odd to me that I was left out, more because my husband and I have been married for over 10 years than because of my relationship with the cousin. How would you feel about this?
I would think it very odd and expect my husband to not go (have him put this concern in the rsvp). Maybe it was a mistake?
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Old 05-05-2017, 06:56 AM
 
12,857 posts, read 15,311,968 times
Reputation: 14785
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mnseca View Post
We just got a wedding invitation from my husband's cousin. It specifies only one person is invited (my husband). While I don't know the cousin well, I have met him a couple of times (including at my wedding), and do know his mother a bit. It seems odd to me that I was left out, more because my husband and I have been married for over 10 years than because of my relationship with the cousin. How would you feel about this?
That is odd!
You have every right to attend this wedding with your husband...go if you want.....personally I would never attend an event like that unless I was with my SO.....maybe your cousin just wasn't thinking right when he made the invite without including your name as well.
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Old 05-05-2017, 07:23 AM
 
Location: Denver CO
20,751 posts, read 11,510,404 times
Reputation: 31319
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shooting Stars View Post
Well, not really. The etiquette is long-established on the matter.

Couples who are seriously dating, living together, or engaged are always invited together to weddings. They are not considered "single" as far as etiquette is concerned.

Putting "and guest" on invitations for single people who are not seriously dating has become common and it's a nice gesture, but it has never been a requirement.

People get themselves into trouble because they can't be bothered to look up the etiquette for the event they are holding. They just do whatever they feel like. The problem is that the majority of guests who are aware of the etiquette will have every right to feel insulted.

I do think the husband should politely question the couple just in case it's an oversight.
Yeah, I was editing and got parts of my post mixed up. Spouse, engaged couple, living together should always be invited as a couple. Seriously dating is where it gets sticky because there's no accepted definition for that - some people consider any person they've dated for more than three weeks "serious", you know? But in general, I'd err on the side of inviting a partner when I know there is one.

I don't think you automatically need to be invited as a couple, though. I can speak from that flip side, which is that when I get an "and guest" invitation while single, it makes me feel weird, like I'm not as welcome without a partner and I'll be the odd person out if I come alone.

I realize these are some personal distinctions and I can understand someone saying that, for instance, only married and engaged couples get invited as a pair. But I think there is absolutely no justification for not inviting a spouse, period.

And I still think it's hugely problematic that OP's spouse is ok with this.
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Old 05-05-2017, 07:51 AM
 
9,783 posts, read 3,873,522 times
Reputation: 24616
Quote:
Originally Posted by purehuman View Post
That is odd!
You have every right to attend this wedding with your husband...go if you want.....personally I would never attend an event like that unless I was with my SO.....maybe your cousin just wasn't thinking right when he made the invite without including your name as well.
No one has a "right" to go to a wedding if they aren't invited.
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Old 05-05-2017, 08:05 AM
 
4,315 posts, read 2,467,312 times
Reputation: 7671
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
No one has a "right" to go to a wedding if they aren't invited.
Absolutely !


I don't understand the............."call and clear up the misunderstanding"

If it was a sibling and you were positive your spouse was omitted by an error, then yes.


I consider it rude to call someone ( non family member )and ask why someone was not invited.


Actually, no one has to justify their invitation list to anyone !
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Old 05-05-2017, 08:17 AM
 
9,783 posts, read 3,873,522 times
Reputation: 24616
Quote:
Originally Posted by David A Stone View Post
Absolutely !


I don't understand the............."call and clear up the misunderstanding"

If it was a sibling and you were positive your spouse was omitted by an error, then yes.


I consider it rude to call someone ( non family member )and ask why someone was not invited.


Actually, no one has to justify their invitation list to anyone !
I think with something like this, it's worth clarification. Because sometimes, mistakes are made, and it's better to be able to solve this ahead rather than carry a lifetime of misunderstanding.

I wouldn't ask "why" someone wasn't invited, but in fact IF they are.

I'd write an email (then you can say it exactly what you want to say) and say this is really awkward but I received the invitation to _______'s wedding and am wondering if the invitation is just for me, or if my wife is also invited as well. Thank you, and hope the planning is going well!

Then, they can answer. IMHO, it's best to know. Oversights like this can last a lifetime. "Wedding felonies" as they're sometimes called just never seem to heal.
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