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Old 05-03-2017, 08:19 AM
 
9,925 posts, read 3,961,868 times
Reputation: 25115

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My guess is your mother has gotten advice from her friends that she should make home life more and more intolerable until you move out.

So - are you actually working on that goal? I would suggest TODAY, start working in earnest on moving out. Don't say "I can't until" actually begin work on it. Look at Craigslist rentals, roommate situations, etc. And then work to eliminate what all the "I cant's" are. If you're not making enough right now, find a job where you are. Today start working on it. Today.

 
Old 05-03-2017, 09:17 AM
 
1,906 posts, read 2,951,194 times
Reputation: 2445
Quote:
Originally Posted by SoLikeable View Post
I Don't want to come off as overdramatic but I feel like I need to get this off my chest. Ive Always gone back and forth with my mother. But within these last few months things have escalated. To a point where I am barley holding it together. She is relentless and increasingly becoming careless and it is slowly costing me my health. I am a fit 24 year old male. Staying in shape means eating, eating the right foods at the right portions. taking vitamins ( mainly multi-vitamins and fish-oil occasionally a fat burner) when necessary. And Doing so has helped me to stay in tuned with my bodies needs. And as a 24 year old male living with his mom I believe I am at the age where I can pull my own weight. One of those things being to cook my own food which takes off some of the pressure for my mom cooking for me and my brother financially and physically. When I cook my food I tailor it to my dieting needs. Ensuring I have a full lunch and dinner for at least 5-6 days. When I do cook I let it known that the food is ONLY mines so that it can last for the days ahead.

On my end it doesn't seem like much. I help pay bills, buy groceries, and I keep what I eat. But lately my mom hasn't taken that lightly. I don't share and she thinks I'm being selfish. She tells me to share and a tell her that its my food and I buy the general thing that are needed ( milk, eggs, cheese, bread etc.) so having something to myself isn't a lot to ask for. But she wouldn't have it. Now I'm at a point where she won't let me cook. And I haven't had a decent meal in about a solid 2 weeks. only small food chips, yogurt, sardines, beans, fruit. She doesn't cook as much as she used to 2 days out of the full week max. And now I'm eating half the calories I used to. I can slowly feel my body moving slower. Starting to get headaches, and I can barely sleep. Between standing for 7-8 hrs a day at work walking to and from home. On top of that she has compiled all the house chores( cleaning both bathrooms, kitchen, lawn maintenance, room) Im starting to feel overwhelmed. I can feel myself getting weaker and she won't hear of it. For some reason she has this deep Anger towards me and I don't know why. I am afraid that one day I will pass out due to lack of nutrition and calories. Which could result in missing out on work going to the hospital with no insurance. Ive tried to tell her how weak I'm getting but she won't hear of it.

Im trying to reason with her but she won't listen. She tells me its not her problem and I shouldn't have been "disrespectful". I feel that she is becoming emotionally unstable. I fear for our relationship. Looking in her eyes and reading her body language I feel she will not stop at all no matter how many times I tell her. I am in the process of trying to move out from underneath her cloud of pain and ridicule. I don't have a car so I'm trying to get a place near transportation and Im looking for a different job so that I can be close to work and home. Im desperately trying to hang on but I feel if this becomes any worse I will completely dismiss her from my life indefinitely and I don't want it to come to that. But experiencing the hurt and pain she has caused I feel like I would have no other choice. I am a peaceful person and want to be able to move out on good terms but I feel like she is out of control and reckless and its slowly destroying my health.

What should I DO?

If my boy is still living with us at age 24, I promise we will be doing everything we can to make his life miserable and get him out on his own, much like your mother is doing. I had been on my own for 8 years, almost a decade, by the time I was your age.


Put yourself in her shoes.....24 years is a long time to provide for and raise a girl.


Please tell me this post is fake news!


SS
 
Old 05-03-2017, 09:48 AM
 
Location: North Idaho
22,554 posts, read 28,504,136 times
Reputation: 43427
You are 24. Get your own apartment. Problem solved.

I am curious though,. For 24 years has your mother bought food and refused to share it with you? Any food she bought was only for herself and no one else could have any of it? Has she refused to cook for you for 24 years?

Move out. You and your mother will both be happier,
 
Old 05-03-2017, 09:51 AM
 
70 posts, read 48,547 times
Reputation: 64
Quote:
Originally Posted by charolastra00 View Post
^^ This.

If you haven't grown up with abusive and/or mentally ill parents, it's really hard to understand. People, cut this guy some slack. It's so obvious that even if he's exaggerating regarding the weakness, etc. that this situation is dysfunctional.

The OP says he's trying to move out. Please understand that these types of parents often try really hard to keep their adult children dependent and lacking the skills to survive on their own. It's hard to imagine because normal parents are absolutely not like that. It creates really dysfunctional thinking that lasts long term. I've been out since I was 18, but was able to go to an elite college on a full scholarship even when my parents refused to teach me to drive, wouldn't let me have a job (lived in a very rural area with no public transit so that meant I would be trapped at home all summer with only a few babysitting gigs I could wrangle up in the neighborhood), and beat down my self esteem. Luckily by being trapped, I was able to focus on school and applying for scholarships. Now at almost 30, even with years of therapy, I still have disordered behaviors like hoarding food and overexplaining things because I feel like people won't believe my word. If I hadn't gotten out at 18, I could have been very much like the OP.

OP - keep trying. When you get out, seek therapy. What you're experiencing at home is not normal. It's not normal for your parent to not allow you to cook or eat adequately. Once you're out, get some career training. You never want to end up in a situation where you have to go back.

Do you have a bank account? Does your mother have access to it? Are you building credit?



I have my own bank account she doesn't have access to it and yes I'm slowly building credit.
 
Old 05-03-2017, 10:00 AM
 
3,759 posts, read 3,488,362 times
Reputation: 8926
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShakenStirred View Post
If my boy is still living with us at age 24, I promise we will be doing everything we can to make his life miserable and get him out on his own, much like your mother is doing. I had been on my own for 8 years, almost a decade, by the time I was your age.


Put yourself in her shoes.....24 years is a long time to provide for and raise a girl.


Please tell me this post is fake news!


SS
Wow, all the claws came out!

If my kid needs to keep living with us in her 20s, I won't mind. She's a good kid. We might charge her some kind of rent and expect some help with cooking etc. but I hope and pray it will never be like the above poster -- out at age 16 and never looked back. That's just sad.
 
Old 05-03-2017, 10:01 AM
 
1,831 posts, read 2,192,482 times
Reputation: 2818
Quote:
Originally Posted by SoLikeable View Post
I Don't want to come off as overdramatic...
Didn't work.
 
Old 05-03-2017, 10:09 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,176 posts, read 70,090,509 times
Reputation: 76011
OP, if you work full time, you can afford to rent a room in a shared household, at the least. Liberate yourself from this situation.
 
Old 05-03-2017, 10:09 AM
 
Location: South Florida
4,795 posts, read 5,332,001 times
Reputation: 4835
Quote:
Originally Posted by SoLikeable View Post
I have my own bank account she doesn't have access to it and yes I'm slowly building credit.
You don't need credit to move out.
Find a roommate or a room for rent.

As long as you're living with your mother you are not "pulling your own weight" as you put it.

Grow up, grow a pair, and move out.
It will be the best thing for you and your mother.
 
Old 05-03-2017, 10:35 AM
 
13,675 posts, read 13,522,289 times
Reputation: 39802
If you're really freaking out about your diet, buy some almonds and apples and supplement with those things. Keep them with you so she can't get rid of them. And meanwhile, squirrel everything else away to get out of there.

And yeah, start looking for a roommate situation. You need to get out of there.
 
Old 05-03-2017, 10:42 AM
 
3,964 posts, read 3,193,182 times
Reputation: 12887
Geez, this millennial generation. What did we do wrong?
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