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Old 05-08-2017, 05:24 AM
 
7,352 posts, read 4,192,762 times
Reputation: 5009

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Quote:
Originally Posted by meo92953 View Post
I have a sister who wanted to help me set up my apartment. She's a perfectionist & her house is perfect. She's also left handed.

I'm not a neat freak & right handed.

When she was done setting up my kitchen it was for a left handed person. I still smile when I remember what it took to correct her help.

Needless to say, I said thanks & avoided the help topic from then on.
Can you explain how it matters in regards to dominate hand when you set up a kitchen?

We are a household divided and neither the rights or lefts care what cabinet holds the glasses, plates and mugs.
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Old 05-08-2017, 05:38 AM
 
Location: Pennsylvania
16,283 posts, read 10,277,475 times
Reputation: 28284
Quote:
Originally Posted by LowonLuck View Post
Can you explain how it matters in regards to dominate hand when you set up a kitchen?

We are a household divided and neither the rights or lefts care what cabinet holds the glasses, plates and mugs.
wondering about this too.
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Old 05-08-2017, 07:43 AM
 
Location: Winterpeg
875 posts, read 329,618 times
Reputation: 3657
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarahsez View Post
In my experience, these people are data collectors. They are on some level gathering information about you without really exchanging information about themselves. They then use the information to make themselves look or feel better. You can try to be polite. These people don't take it well when you start cutting off access. .
It's like you know my sister-in-law! lol

Exactly, it's only "help with major strings attached". You can't be worried about hurting their feelings, or they'll take over. And in my husband's case, his sister spreads everything about everyone, so it's impossible to maintain any sort of privacy. Which is one reason why we moved away from his family.
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Old 05-08-2017, 09:03 AM
 
913 posts, read 987,773 times
Reputation: 1143
Oh, a fixer. Yeah. Dealt with one of those last year. Had something bad happen, all of a sudden someone I barely knew was showing up at my door to try to help and sending me long rambling emails with "advice". I stopped answering my door and then I got texts about why I was never home.

I didn't care about hurting their feelings so I kept up the blockade until they disappeared. If I'd had a closer relationship with the person to begin with I might have acted differently.
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Old 05-08-2017, 09:41 AM
 
582 posts, read 243,611 times
Reputation: 1310
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
I had a computer class through work. The lady who sat next to me had somehow appointed herself my "tutor" Every time I'd come in, she would have my computer turned on and into the lesson for the day. No, I wasn't late and holding the rest of the class up, I was usually the 2nd or 3rd person there, but somehow she was always there first. She would then stare at my screen and give directions, hit this key, press CTRL alt, do a re-boot, geez, she made me so nervous I could barely function. I tried things like turning my computer screen away from her, she'd reach right over and turn it back facing her! I tried ignoring her, she would keep saying the same thing over and over until I somehow acknowledged her. I even tried saying once "You know, I appreciate that you're trying to help me here, but I find I learn better on my own. If I run into a problem, I will ask." That didn't do a thing, she just kept pestering me. I couldn't move seats because the class was full. Finally one day someone dropped out and I immediately changed to her seat. That solved it, but very annoying! I got the impression she was trying to make out I wasn't capable of doing the job......
Oh boy, I have been in situations like that. Often it is hyperactive people.
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Old 05-08-2017, 09:47 AM
 
Location: In the house we finally own!
517 posts, read 257,965 times
Reputation: 2456
My husband is like this. I am disabled, but there are a lot of things I can still do. He hovers over me, and if I am doing something with my hands he will be standing there with his hand tentatively getting closer and closer to what I am doing. He will also "help" by telling me obvious stuff like "I turned the light on" or "I shut the door", all while I am right there and see what he is doing. Makes me crazy!
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Old 05-08-2017, 09:50 AM
 
16,722 posts, read 14,626,024 times
Reputation: 41117
Quote:
Originally Posted by stava View Post

How do you go about telling this person to back off without really hurting their feelings, because in their mind they're "only trying to help" and their goal is to build a relationship with you?
Sometimes that's the only way to get the point across.
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Old 05-08-2017, 09:52 AM
 
16,722 posts, read 14,626,024 times
Reputation: 41117
Quote:
Originally Posted by stava View Post
I don't want to get into details here.
Dang it, that's not fair!

If you can't say something nice about someone, come sit by me...
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Old 05-08-2017, 11:29 AM
 
3,578 posts, read 3,142,608 times
Reputation: 10684
Quote:
Originally Posted by stava View Post

How do you go about telling this person to back off without really hurting their feelings, because in their mind they're "only trying to help" and their goal is to build a relationship with you?
I haven't mastered the art of not hurting these people's feelings yet. It's not that I haven't tried to be kind.

I simply try to be unavailable when they call or didn't hear the doorbell ring. I don't text back right away or quickly respond to an email. One time I went on vacation and only told vital people because I didn't want someone breaking into my house. In that period of time, the others person's feelings were already hurt because I didn't answer the home phone. This was before my only phone was the cell phone. This person lived down the street and it was obvious my car was not in the driveway. While I realize there must be something in my personality that attracts these people to me, I realize the problem goes way beyond me. I think the hurt feelings may be part of the control and manipulation.
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Old 05-08-2017, 12:19 PM
 
Location: Never Never Land
985 posts, read 756,967 times
Reputation: 1625
I had this problem come up before. Here is how I stopped it.
The person asked me, "is there anything I can help you with?" I said, "yes, there is one thing you can help me with." They got all excited like I was going to ask them to do something. I said, "If you can NEVER ask me that question, EVER again that would help me out a great deal!!!"
Did I hurt their feelings? Yes
Did I care? Not at all

But now they never ask if I need help with anything!

I agree with the other posters that it's a control thing and when you take back the control it probably won't be pretty but they will know their place!
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