U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 05-08-2017, 09:28 AM
 
9,879 posts, read 3,926,184 times
Reputation: 24929

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by BobCaldwell View Post
I find people who seek validation to be...well, I wouldn't go so far as to call them 'toxic', but irritating.

And insecure.
Don't most people seek validation? Whenever I get together with friends, if someone has a cool outfit, or did their hair differently, it gets validated. If they have a story to tell about someone being rude to them, others agree with them and get a good laugh in support.

I agree that some people need constant validation and they're draining, but in my observation most people need at least some validation from friends.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-08-2017, 09:30 AM
 
Location: San Diego, CA
3,517 posts, read 4,807,949 times
Reputation: 3989
Quote:
Originally Posted by LLCNYC View Post
+1.

I love how everyone is saying this friend is toxic by one paragraph. That's definitely a forum like responses.

OP (whom I just realized is a guy) even says "she never gives me validation".

Right, but then he goes on to explain that the issue isn't that she's not telling him he looks good, but that she's always criticizing or saying something negative, so his characterization of her "not giving him validation" is misleading- it sounds more like a person who *always* has something negative/critical to say, which is actually pretty consistent with the concept of "toxic".
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-08-2017, 10:10 AM
 
194 posts, read 332,745 times
Reputation: 317
If you feel that she is toxic, than she is toxic. Her behavior would not work for me. I would distance myself from her.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-08-2017, 10:18 AM
 
5,272 posts, read 2,278,376 times
Reputation: 14672
I'd love to hear her side of the story.

Is the OP constantly texting with HIS relationship issues? We don't know.

In all the other threads, there are "toxic" people at work and his family.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-08-2017, 10:32 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
77,945 posts, read 69,884,727 times
Reputation: 75730
OP, I just caught on to the fact that this is not a same-gender friendship; you're a guy. And you say this woman sought you out, initiating the so-called "friendship"? Are you so desperate for female attention that you'd actually put up with this? That's something to look at, in yourself. Maybe you're hurting from the breakup with your gf, or something?

Nobody should be this needy, OP. Muster some self-respect, and block her on everything, and move on. You deserve better.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-08-2017, 10:41 AM
 
6,606 posts, read 3,804,375 times
Reputation: 15296
I try to avoid any association that creates unnecessary negativity in any way. Life is hard enough without letting anyone make it harder for no reason. Try not to overthink this; just tend to your own emotional health.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-08-2017, 11:37 AM
 
1,046 posts, read 648,447 times
Reputation: 3154
I wouldn't call this "toxic". More like just a friendship that isn't serving you any longer. You say that she makes these comments to you often so maybe it's time to reevaluate whether this friendship is really worth it to you anymore.

Toxic would be something deeply psychologically scarring like having a narcissist for a parent. That's toxic. This that you're describing with your friend is just annoying but not something that would scar you for life.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-08-2017, 11:45 AM
 
886 posts, read 396,212 times
Reputation: 1321
Quote:
Originally Posted by br242 View Post
So, I have a friend who i have noticed, has seemingly made a consious choice to not say anything positive about me and in particular my appearance. She text me daily, so its a fairly close friendship and its also the reason i was able to tell she is doing this.

An example, of how criticism is she will see a pic of me on vacation and say my posture sucks and people are going to think im really insecure. and start giving me tips on posture.

Another example is how she refers to all my past relationshps as flings due to the duration ( 6 months to 1.5 years) and how its going to take a special woman for me to be in a relationship

An examples of completely refusing to validate and i know the conversation is childish, but i think it illustrates my point

1. Ex Gf sent me a kind of ****ty message looking for attention. I told my friend about it, the conversation went like this.

her "Well, if she is really acting and saying the things you say she is..."

me "What do mean if i say so? I sent you the text"

her" Well, it looks like you initiated the conversation, so just stop reaching out"

me"The text clearly shows she initiated it. i didnt even reply"

her "it was probably an accident"

me "she said my name"

her "Well, if people are treating you like this, its probably because of how you treated them"


She is the one who initiates most of our conversations/hangouts. So, i have someone actively pursuing a friendship with me and is fun to hang out with.

Would you consider this type of behavior toxic? Or is it me being sensitive? I've never been interested in dating this woman due to 14 years age difference(and vice versa), but i guess i am considering the reason im souring on the friendship is because she refuses to give me any validation .
OP, I'm confused: why do you even consider this person your "friend?"
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-08-2017, 12:04 PM
 
Location: Niagara Region
1,321 posts, read 1,542,647 times
Reputation: 4504
She isn't generous with empathy, for some reason. She hasn't picked up on your venting about stuff in your life - you are just wanting to share your frustration and hear some sympathy, agreement, phrases like 'aw man, that sucks...." etc etc.

She has taken it upon herself to 'sort you out', solve your problems by telling you you're the one with the problem. lol.

I do have to wonder what you have in common and why you're friends. Is there another side of her which you really like? She sounds pretty confrontational and condescending.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-08-2017, 12:16 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
77,945 posts, read 69,884,727 times
Reputation: 75730
Quote:
Originally Posted by TruckWife518 View Post
OP, I'm confused: why do you even consider this person your "friend?"
Exactly. Where in this picture is the "friendship" part, OP?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 01:36 AM.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top