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Old 05-08-2017, 08:12 PM
 
1,823 posts, read 2,845,105 times
Reputation: 2831

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Quote:
Originally Posted by sansea View Post
Be careful. Narcissist's take advantage of kindness and dis-respect understanding and compassion.

Learn to protect yourself. Go grey-rock if you have to. (look it up)
This is important. His competitiveness, coldness, and blame-shifting scream of narcissism. And sansea is right, if you are kind to him, try to be the bigger person or give him the benefit of the doubt (ie, buy into his claim that you went cold on him first and then feel bad for him), he will take this and walk all over you with it.

That's the thing with narcissists. They operate in an entirely different realm than normal people do. Anything that is actually a virtue is transformed into a vice in the narcissist's world. They possess no honor, no integrity and no respect. I would do my best to get out of this guy's radar.
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Old 05-08-2017, 08:22 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,195 posts, read 107,842,460 times
Reputation: 116097
Quote:
Originally Posted by sansea View Post
From what you've described, sounds like narcissistic behavior.

Read some online blogs about narcissistic abuse and see if you spot any patterns.

Be careful. Narcissist's take advantage of kindness and dis-respect understanding and compassion.

.
I agree; this sounds spot on. But I also think that if others have noticed the behavior (so you have at least one witness), you should mention it to a supervisor. It's unprofessional, and it's disrupting your ability to focus on your work, which is exactly what it's calculated to do. Someone should alert a super that he's not a team player, and is potentially a disruptive element.
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Old 05-08-2017, 08:36 PM
 
Location: Wallingford, CT
1,063 posts, read 1,362,521 times
Reputation: 1228
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elenora1 View Post
(younger than me, so I expected some form of respect)
Why?

You're both "professionals," as you say. He's your peer and you're not his boss. He owes you mere civility and respect is earned. It's also not your job to earn it, so why does this even bother you?

Going to HR about something so childish is going to get your own behavior scrutinized more in this situation as he's done literally nothing wrong and there's nothing passive aggressive about it. You're just being incredibly sensitive because you feel like he owes you something, either because you feel like you're his superior, better at the job, or because you helped out his girlfriend (which is vaguely described but whatever).

My recommendation would be to ask your boss for more things to do. I dunno what kind of environment you work in, but if you have this much time to be offended about what you perceive to be passive aggressive, you just aren't busy enough with the workload you have.
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Old 05-08-2017, 09:05 PM
 
Location: here
24,873 posts, read 36,162,138 times
Reputation: 32726
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elenora1 View Post
This situation has brought me a lot of anxiety at work and I also didn't get the reason why these things have happened. Please shed some light on it if you can.
I have this male coworker (younger than me, so I expected some form of respect) that i had to work with closely for a while. He, at first, said that I made him better at his job with my professional experience and approach, which was polite of him. Then he got very competitive, he would always want to do what i was doing, unfriendly, quite rude. Still, because I am older, and (supposedly) wiser, I treated him professionally. Because I had met his girlfriend some time before, I also had the opportunity to offer her an amazing job, better pay and hours, you name it. After this favor, he became even more rude, ignoring me, not making eye contact, taking the other door when I was there..you name it. This went on for a very long time until one day I decided to confront him and tell him that this behaviour was unprofessional. I asked him why he was behaving this way, to which he answered that I was the one who started being cold to him. I don't remember being cold, though, we just stopped working together after a while.
He would join my conversations with other coworkers to ignore me on purpose and other unecessary things.
What's your take on this? Thank you
I have never expected respect because of may age. I might expect a certain amount of respect because of my experience, but never because of my age.

I don't know why he might be acting that way.
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Old 05-08-2017, 10:31 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
15,479 posts, read 15,616,818 times
Reputation: 28463
Ignore it. Keep on working. You're paid to work not make BFF's. So he doesn't like you. Get over it.
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Old 05-09-2017, 06:45 AM
 
Location: Saint John, IN
11,582 posts, read 6,732,440 times
Reputation: 14786
Quote:
Originally Posted by ss20ts View Post
Ignore it. Keep on working. You're paid to work not make BFF's. So he doesn't like you. Get over it.
This exactly! You don't need to be BFF'S! If you're not his supervisor then ignore him and fo your job! Don't worry about what he's doing. Now if his job affects your and he's not willing to work with you then go to your supervisor or HR.
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Old 05-09-2017, 06:57 AM
 
16,711 posts, read 19,405,938 times
Reputation: 41487
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elenora1 View Post
I had met his girlfriend some time before, I also had the opportunity to offer her an amazing job, better pay and hours, you name it. After this favor, he became even more rude
What in the world? Why would you give a "favor" like this to an employee of any level?

Nepotism and dating in the workplace is already a no-no, and you encouraged it?

By the way: respect is earned, not given.
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Old 05-09-2017, 07:28 AM
 
Location: Southern California
12,713 posts, read 15,527,280 times
Reputation: 35512
He's done with you because he's got what he's needed from you so he's probably onto being fake nice to someone else to get something else he wants. Just ignore the fool and do your job.
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Old 05-09-2017, 08:07 AM
 
23 posts, read 21,550 times
Reputation: 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by Inkpoe View Post
Is the "amazing job" that the gf has now better than your co-worker's?
It's with a different company that I've been working for. Not better than his, but better for her.
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Old 05-09-2017, 08:15 AM
 
23 posts, read 21,550 times
Reputation: 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
Have your coworkers noticed this behavior, OP? Are there any you're on good enough terms with to ask if they've noticed?
They obviously did. It's quite clear, but I have always pretended it's nothing much and minded my own business. It's getting on my nerves, though
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