why is my male coworker treating me this way? (narcissists, abuse, workplace)
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Be careful. Narcissist's take advantage of kindness and dis-respect understanding and compassion.
Learn to protect yourself. Go grey-rock if you have to. (look it up)
This is important. His competitiveness, coldness, and blame-shifting scream of narcissism. And sansea is right, if you are kind to him, try to be the bigger person or give him the benefit of the doubt (ie, buy into his claim that you went cold on him first and then feel bad for him), he will take this and walk all over you with it.
That's the thing with narcissists. They operate in an entirely different realm than normal people do. Anything that is actually a virtue is transformed into a vice in the narcissist's world. They possess no honor, no integrity and no respect. I would do my best to get out of this guy's radar.
From what you've described, sounds like narcissistic behavior.
Read some online blogs about narcissistic abuse and see if you spot any patterns.
Be careful. Narcissist's take advantage of kindness and dis-respect understanding and compassion.
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I agree; this sounds spot on. But I also think that if others have noticed the behavior (so you have at least one witness), you should mention it to a supervisor. It's unprofessional, and it's disrupting your ability to focus on your work, which is exactly what it's calculated to do. Someone should alert a super that he's not a team player, and is potentially a disruptive element.
(younger than me, so I expected some form of respect)
Why?
You're both "professionals," as you say. He's your peer and you're not his boss. He owes you mere civility and respect is earned. It's also not your job to earn it, so why does this even bother you?
Going to HR about something so childish is going to get your own behavior scrutinized more in this situation as he's done literally nothing wrong and there's nothing passive aggressive about it. You're just being incredibly sensitive because you feel like he owes you something, either because you feel like you're his superior, better at the job, or because you helped out his girlfriend (which is vaguely described but whatever).
My recommendation would be to ask your boss for more things to do. I dunno what kind of environment you work in, but if you have this much time to be offended about what you perceive to be passive aggressive, you just aren't busy enough with the workload you have.
This situation has brought me a lot of anxiety at work and I also didn't get the reason why these things have happened. Please shed some light on it if you can.
I have this male coworker (younger than me, so I expected some form of respect) that i had to work with closely for a while. He, at first, said that I made him better at his job with my professional experience and approach, which was polite of him. Then he got very competitive, he would always want to do what i was doing, unfriendly, quite rude. Still, because I am older, and (supposedly) wiser, I treated him professionally. Because I had met his girlfriend some time before, I also had the opportunity to offer her an amazing job, better pay and hours, you name it. After this favor, he became even more rude, ignoring me, not making eye contact, taking the other door when I was there..you name it. This went on for a very long time until one day I decided to confront him and tell him that this behaviour was unprofessional. I asked him why he was behaving this way, to which he answered that I was the one who started being cold to him. I don't remember being cold, though, we just stopped working together after a while.
He would join my conversations with other coworkers to ignore me on purpose and other unecessary things.
What's your take on this? Thank you
I have never expected respect because of may age. I might expect a certain amount of respect because of my experience, but never because of my age.
Ignore it. Keep on working. You're paid to work not make BFF's. So he doesn't like you. Get over it.
This exactly! You don't need to be BFF'S! If you're not his supervisor then ignore him and fo your job! Don't worry about what he's doing. Now if his job affects your and he's not willing to work with you then go to your supervisor or HR.
I had met his girlfriend some time before, I also had the opportunity to offer her an amazing job, better pay and hours, you name it. After this favor, he became even more rude
What in the world? Why would you give a "favor" like this to an employee of any level?
Nepotism and dating in the workplace is already a no-no, and you encouraged it?
He's done with you because he's got what he's needed from you so he's probably onto being fake nice to someone else to get something else he wants. Just ignore the fool and do your job.
Have your coworkers noticed this behavior, OP? Are there any you're on good enough terms with to ask if they've noticed?
They obviously did. It's quite clear, but I have always pretended it's nothing much and minded my own business. It's getting on my nerves, though
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