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Old 05-09-2017, 08:16 AM
 
6,609 posts, read 3,806,188 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sansea View Post
From what you've described, sounds like narcissistic behavior.

Read some online blogs about narcissistic abuse and see if you spot any patterns.

Be careful. Narcissist's take advantage of kindness and dis-respect understanding and compassion.

Learn to protect yourself. Go grey-rock if you have to. (look it up)

Take good care and good luck.

^^^ This is what I was thinking too ^^^
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Old 05-09-2017, 08:17 AM
 
5,274 posts, read 2,281,429 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Csiko View Post
Why?

You're both "professionals," as you say. He's your peer and you're not his boss. He owes you mere civility and respect is earned. It's also not your job to earn it, so why does this even bother you?

Going to HR about something so childish is going to get your own behavior scrutinized more in this situation as he's done literally nothing wrong and there's nothing passive aggressive about it. You're just being incredibly sensitive because you feel like he owes you something, either because you feel like you're his superior, better at the job, or because you helped out his girlfriend (which is vaguely described but whatever).

My recommendation would be to ask your boss for more things to do. I dunno what kind of environment you work in, but if you have this much time to be offended about what you perceive to be passive aggressive, you just aren't busy enough with the workload you have.
Yes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ss20ts View Post
Ignore it. Keep on working. You're paid to work not make BFF's. So he doesn't like you. Get over it.
More yes.
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Old 05-09-2017, 08:18 AM
 
23 posts, read 11,950 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clarallel View Post
It really doesn't matter why. You were smart to ask him directly, and lucky that he gave you an answer.

What you should have done would have been to say: "I'm so sorry you felt I was cold to you. Was it something in particular that I said or did? Please tell me. And then let's start over."

Did you do something like that?
I surely did that. He agreed we should be professional, but he started ignoring me even more and applied even more passive-aggressiveness to his behaviour. At this point I have no idea what to do except for going to HR. I didn't want to get there..I'm the kind of person who helps and builds relationships not destroys reputations.

Last edited by Elenora1; 05-09-2017 at 08:33 AM..
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Old 05-09-2017, 08:26 AM
 
6,609 posts, read 3,806,188 times
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One way of dealing with it getting on your nerves is to see it as humorous and ridiculous. He WANTS to make you uncomfortable; it's part of his game. You thwart this by refusing to give in to it and instead laughing at him. The one thing narcissists really hate is to be made a joke because their egos are so huge. When he barges in on your conversations with others just chuckle and say "as I was saying" and then go on with your conversation. In other words, negate him instead of letting him negate you.
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Old 05-09-2017, 08:31 AM
 
23 posts, read 11,950 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Csiko View Post
Why?

You're both "professionals," as you say. He's your peer and you're not his boss. He owes you mere civility and respect is earned. It's also not your job to earn it, so why does this even bother you?

Going to HR about something so childish is going to get your own behavior scrutinized more in this situation as he's done literally nothing wrong and there's nothing passive aggressive about it. You're just being incredibly sensitive because you feel like he owes you something, either because you feel like you're his superior, better at the job, or because you helped out his girlfriend (which is vaguely described but whatever).

My recommendation would be to ask your boss for more things to do. I dunno what kind of environment you work in, but if you have this much time to be offended about what you perceive to be passive aggressive, you just aren't busy enough with the workload you have.
I would totally agree with this. I would have probably written the same advice on a situation like this before I experienced it. The workplace is quite toxic in itself, but we are quite busy. The problem is that we have to work together/with the same clients. I am not looking for BFFs, I do not demand respect, just mere courtesy. I am not looking to get "likes", I've just always promoted normal interactions among coworkers. You are right, though, about being too sensitive to passive-aggressive behaviour. It's in my face though, it's intentional and out there. Quite disturbing.
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Old 05-09-2017, 08:32 AM
 
23 posts, read 11,950 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Harpaint View Post
One way of dealing with it getting on your nerves is to see it as humorous and ridiculous. He WANTS to make you uncomfortable; it's part of his game. You thwart this by refusing to give in to it and instead laughing at him. The one thing narcissists really hate is to be made a joke because their egos are so huge. When he barges in on your conversations with others just chuckle and say "as I was saying" and then go on with your conversation. In other words, negate him instead of letting him negate you.
I'll do this for sure! Good approach.
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Old 05-09-2017, 08:38 AM
 
5,659 posts, read 2,699,205 times
Reputation: 5135
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elenora1 View Post
This situation has brought me a lot of anxiety at work and I also didn't get the reason why these things have happened. Please shed some light on it if you can.
I have this male coworker (younger than me, so I expected some form of respect) that i had to work with closely for a while. He, at first, said that I made him better at his job with my professional experience and approach, which was polite of him. Then he got very competitive, he would always want to do what i was doing, unfriendly, quite rude. Still, because I am older, and (supposedly) wiser, I treated him professionally. Because I had met his girlfriend some time before, I also had the opportunity to offer her an amazing job, better pay and hours, you name it. After this favor, he became even more rude, ignoring me, not making eye contact, taking the other door when I was there..you name it. This went on for a very long time until one day I decided to confront him and tell him that this behaviour was unprofessional. I asked him why he was behaving this way, to which he answered that I was the one who started being cold to him. I don't remember being cold, though, we just stopped working together after a while.
He would join my conversations with other coworkers to ignore me on purpose and other unecessary things.
What's your take on this? Thank you
I work with a male worker who 23 years younger than me.
He is a nice person, but He doesn't like it when I know more due to working in the field 22 years longer than him. I chalk it up as a low self esteem ego thing.
It makes it hard to be in an environment with someone like that 40 hours a week.
It is hard to turn off and try not to let it be bothersome.

Just try to consider the source and more than likely other people at work notice this person's lack of maturity.

Last edited by Atalanta; 05-09-2017 at 09:03 AM..
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Old 05-09-2017, 08:45 AM
 
5,274 posts, read 2,281,429 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Elenora1 View Post
I surely did that. He agreed we should be professional, but he started ignoring me even more and applied even more passive-aggressiveness to his behaviour. At this point I have no idea what to do except for going to HR. I didn't want to get there..I'm the kind of person who helps and builds relationships not destroys reputations.
And say what? "He's being mean to me?"

Who cares if he's ignoring you!

Dear. God. HR must be a busy place dealing with a bunch of nonsense.
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Old 05-09-2017, 08:49 AM
 
23 posts, read 11,950 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Atalanta View Post
I work with a male worker who 23 years younger than me.
He is a nice person, but He doesn't like it when I know more due to working in the field 22 years longer than him. I chalk it up as a low self esteem ego thing.
It makes it hard to be in an environment with someone like that 40 hours a week.
It is hard to turn off and try not to let it be bothersome.

Just to consider the source and more than likely other people at work notice this person's lack of maturity.
This is how I am feeling spot on. The age gap is a lot smaller in my case, but that's it. I am also quite sensitive, so just getting over it won't work. I am positive this ""get over it" thing doesn't work for most of us in difficult situations. That's why we're posting here, there would be no need for advice, no instance of communication like this if we could just "get over it".
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Old 05-09-2017, 08:54 AM
 
23 posts, read 11,950 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by LLCNYC View Post
And say what? "He's being mean to me?"

Who cares if he's ignoring you!

Dear. God. HR must be a busy place dealing with a bunch of nonsense.
So true it hurts.
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