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Old 05-12-2017, 09:46 PM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
55,288 posts, read 53,954,432 times
Reputation: 65242

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Moe Howard View Post
Marriage is crazy right now. The courts will side against you because it's all your fault. The wife can take away the kids period and you'll have to pay for them and alimony or go to jail. Debtor's prison has returned. You'll lose your house and half your assets. And your relationship will change dramatically after she has a kid, the survival instinct kicks in and she'll seek out the best deal possible and easily ********* (not literally).

Juice not worth the squeeze. Sad.
You and your clones grab your junk and leap to and fro and carry on like this all the time on these threads, but for every one of you who got screwed by a woman with a better lawyer, I can show you two women who ended up alone and struggling with no monetary support or interest from the men who once claimed to love them or their children. Yes, some men do get screwed, but it's by no means the norm.
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Old 05-13-2017, 03:41 AM
 
1,193 posts, read 519,691 times
Reputation: 2345
Quote:
Originally Posted by Australian Shepherd View Post
But I think some of you who say you don't want kids or family could regret it when you get to be about 50.
I regret no longer having my closest family, but they've all long since gone to meet their maker and there's nothing I can do to bring them back. Finding others to fill their shoes is not an option.

By the time I hit fifty (ten years away) I hope to be so busy writing, teaching and travelling the world that I won't have time to regret things I didn't want to do in the first place. Being a partner, husband or father has never been part of the plan, and anyone who would expect me to take on those roles doesn't know me very well.
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Old 05-13-2017, 03:21 PM
 
Location: So Cal
40,112 posts, read 39,639,243 times
Reputation: 41534
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
As I come closer to hitting my thirties, I'm seeing my friends have the weddings, the baby showers, sending their kids to school for the first time, celebrating their parents 25th and up anniversaries. I'm seeing the joy in their eyes and more and more because of the life choices I've made, I get a little saddened when I realized these things will not be a part of my life. What I mean:

- I've decided that I'm not interested in marriage.
- I've LONG decided that I do not want any children.
- I've probably reached the height of my education career with completing a hard program.
- One parent is dead and one is done with looking for love (probably for the best.)

So anyone who has decided on a childfree or anti-marriage life, how do you deal with the fact you won't hit some of life's biggest checkpoints?
I knew at a really young age that kids weren't for me. Probably when I was 13 or 14. I just knew it. My parents are both gone now.

You're younger than me, but I'm not a grandpa yet and I'll tell you this bit of info. The career is important, but it ain't that important. Have fun as much as you can. The corner office and the money isn't what people think it is. I was just commenting about this another thread.

Once every few years I have moments where I have about 10 seconds of regret about not having kids and I think that that is normal to some degree. Then it passes and I'm just as sound in my thoughts again about not having kids. Not having kids is something that is normal for a certain amount of people. Not everyone is designed to have children. Not a bad thing, just a reality.

How to deal with life checkpoints like that, I don't know, just accept and move on and don't wallow. If you're truly ok with being childless/free or whatever is the term than dealing with the moments aren't much of a problem, at least for me anyways.
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Old 05-13-2017, 04:46 PM
 
1,519 posts, read 870,181 times
Reputation: 2129
I longed to be married with a little cottage and maybe baby son and am sad those things didn't happen for me.
Most days I'm glad the little baby son didn't happen, though I love babies more than anyone I know I think raising them would have been too hard,and I like time to write,create,read alot.
In my twenties I never thought about any of these things at all,it never occurred to me I wanted to be a bohemian.
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Old 05-15-2017, 08:14 AM
 
Location: Texas Hill Country
9,713 posts, read 5,396,613 times
Reputation: 8284
Quote:
Originally Posted by LowonLuck View Post
I never really thought about a connection with what we watch. I am the opposite. I have zero interest in singles shows. I want the sappy romance stories or a love connection. If none exist, I won't watch it.
I'm all for romance stories such as Roxanne or "The Love Boat" but those don't all end with a wedding.

Shows that broadcast that, that we all must be married, lose me because it is a kind of life I will never know.

How ironic it is that shows still go that way when 40 years ago with "That Girl" .........

..... "The final episode was originally going to have Ann and Donald getting married but Marlo Thomas (who was an executive producer of the show as well as the star) refused, claiming that it sent the message to young girls that a woman's main goal in life was to be married" (from imdb)
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Old 05-15-2017, 11:50 PM
 
1,193 posts, read 519,691 times
Reputation: 2345
I'm not a fan of romance in any kind of storytelling. In genres where it's not the main focus, it stinks of lazy writing and authors who don't know what else to do with their characters. The only rom-com I'm happy to watch is Sliding Doors because the parallel timelines give it an SF flavour.
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Old 05-16-2017, 12:43 PM
 
Location: PNW
2,474 posts, read 888,835 times
Reputation: 8312
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
As I come closer to hitting my thirties, I'm seeing my friends have the weddings, the baby showers, sending their kids to school for the first time, celebrating their parents 25th and up anniversaries. I'm seeing the joy in their eyes and more and more because of the life choices I've made, I get a little saddened when I realized these things will not be a part of my life. What I mean:

- I've decided that I'm not interested in marriage.
- I've LONG decided that I do not want any children.
- I've probably reached the height of my education career with completing a hard program.
- One parent is dead and one is done with looking for love (probably for the best.)

So anyone who has decided on a childfree or anti-marriage life, how do you deal with the fact you won't hit some of life's biggest checkpoints?
Kinda-sorta in your situation but in a different scenario.

I am married and had one child that died at age 18. I wanted only ONE child, and to this day I never regretted that choice. She was not replaceable anyway, and many of her friends' attempts to push their own children closer to us was of no interest to me at all ~ although I knew that they meant well. I am not a big family-oriented person, and I keep both sides of our families at arm's length. That is just how I am. I am a loner.

About the only 'milestone' we'll ever really celebrate ~ after my retirement this year ~ are wedding anniversaries.

Despite the large amount of relatives on both sides, I feel that I will pretty much die alone. Perhaps some of my friends will still be around but not all live near me now. The idea is a little scary, but I chose not to live a "circus life" with a lot of people around me, so the caveat is being aware of loneliness later (maybe). I did make my choices, though.

On the other hand, Dissenter, there are a lot of adults out there with siblings and parents that they can't get along with.
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Old 05-16-2017, 07:40 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,683 posts, read 23,513,164 times
Reputation: 35325
The events the OP is speaking about are not big events for everyone. I did the marriage thing once which turned out to be a big mistake rather than s big event. I got rid of it. The other "big events," having kids is not anything I've ever missed and I am 70. If one is intelligent and aware of what's best for them they will create their own "Big Events."
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Old 05-19-2017, 02:40 AM
 
275 posts, read 154,169 times
Reputation: 392
We get sad at things because society tells us marriage and babies makes us happy.We are told to find an SO marry and have kids as if it's the end all be all. We are told our first kiss, our first dates, our wedding days are essential events that lead to these things.

There are so many things to make us happy. We depend too much on others to make us happy. Marriage and dating is great but opposite gender and reproduction shouldn't be a measuring stick for self-worth and happiness. Married couples and parents aren't always happy people. enough with the fairy tale.

Quote:
he final episode was originally going to have Ann and Donald getting married but Marlo Thomas (who was an executive producer of the show as well as the star) refused, claiming that it sent the message to young girls that a woman's main goal in life was to be married" (from imdb)
Mary Tyler Moore likewise didn't end with a wedding or baby. It disappointed me some the "Cathy" comic strip ended with Cathy and Irving married and they were 'expecting' a girl in 2010.

I feel 'anti-child' people who change their minds weren't really child-free after all.
BTW no kids doesn't mean more money. I dislike that association.
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Old 05-19-2017, 06:53 AM
 
Location: 🇬🇧 In jolly old London! 🇬🇧
15,672 posts, read 8,292,764 times
Reputation: 12404
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
As I come closer to hitting my thirties, I'm seeing my friends have the weddings, the baby showers, sending their kids to school for the first time, celebrating their parents 25th and up anniversaries. I'm seeing the joy in their eyes and more and more because of the life choices I've made, I get a little saddened when I realized these things will not be a part of my life. What I mean:

- I've decided that I'm not interested in marriage.
- I've LONG decided that I do not want any children.
- I've probably reached the height of my education career with completing a hard program.
- One parent is dead and one is done with looking for love (probably for the best.)

So anyone who has decided on a childfree or anti-marriage life, how do you deal with the fact you won't hit some of life's biggest checkpoints?
I'm more than happy to share a mates happy moments and be completely fine with it as it's their moment.

However the reason I'd not think " I've not done this yet ... Am I missing out? " sort of thing is because if I had already CHOSEN it's not for me then it's much easier to accept and instead I can enjoy the occasion a lot more
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