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Old 05-19-2017, 12:35 PM
 
2,054 posts, read 1,090,606 times
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Doesn't it depend on why you don't have these things? If you were looking to get married and/or have children and it didn't work out that way, you might be sad. If those things never interested you, I don't think that you would spend a lot of time being sad about it. You might ponder what your life might have been if you had gotten married/had children, just like you might think about what your life would have been like if you had moved to the city or taken a different job.

Contrary to popular opinion, not everybody will marry or should be married. There are plenty of people out there who succumbed to societal pressure and got married when they should have stayed single. There are plenty of parents who never should have become parents. You have to know yourself well enough to determine whether you would make a good spouse or parent. For some people, there answer is no. For some people it might have been yes and they took steps to ensure that they got married/had children. For others still the answer was maybe but the opportunities never happened.
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Old 05-19-2017, 03:23 PM
 
Location: BNA
485 posts, read 270,395 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
As I come closer to hitting my thirties, I'm seeing my friends have the weddings, the baby showers, sending their kids to school for the first time, celebrating their parents 25th and up anniversaries. I'm seeing the joy in their eyes and more and more because of the life choices I've made, I get a little saddened when I realized these things will not be a part of my life. What I mean:

- I've decided that I'm not interested in marriage.
- I've LONG decided that I do not want any children.
- I've probably reached the height of my education career with completing a hard program.
- One parent is dead and one is done with looking for love (probably for the best.)

So anyone who has decided on a childfree or anti-marriage life, how do you deal with the fact you won't hit some of life's biggest checkpoints?
People have varying perceptions of what "life's biggest checkpoints" are. For me, going to Paris and Europe was one of those checkpoints. I don't have kids and no longer want them. My friends with kids don't get to (or can't afford to) do the amount of travel I do, with the flexibility and the frequency. They typically haven't been to the events, shows, restaurants, museums, concerts that I have. They can't pick up and move to another city like I can. I can drop into their lives and experience a short time with their kids without the permanent responsibility, and I'm perfectly happy with that. As far as my parents, they're gone—so that's one of life's checkpoints too, just an unexpectedly early one.

I could be all of the typical things that you've described above, which provides no guarantee that any of those things will be positive, or fun, or long-lasting. I like the chances that I've taken and the path that it has led me on.
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Old 05-21-2017, 09:56 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,698 posts, read 23,572,738 times
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Quote:
So anyone who has decided on a childfree or anti-marriage life, how do you deal with the fact you won't hit some of life's biggest checkpoints?
Those are only "life's biggest checkpoints" for those who choose to travel that path. For other's it's something else important in their journey through life.
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Old 05-22-2017, 10:17 PM
 
433 posts, read 295,366 times
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I've never wanted children, but am bummed at my age I'm not in a serious relationship. Makes me wonder if it'll ever happen.
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Old 05-22-2017, 10:43 PM
 
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Believe it or not a lot of people have kids and get married to "keep up with the joneses" not because they really want to. Some wont admit it but it's the truth. Case in point when you hear young women say "all my friends have kids i want kids" like it's a competition to keep up with the heard. A large part of society feel they wont fit in if they don't follow the heard.

I choose not to have kids because of many reasons #1 very expensive to raise #2 the world gets worse as years go by #3 the world is overpopulated as it is. I would feel selfish bringing a life into these conditions.
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Old 05-22-2017, 10:49 PM
 
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Originally Posted by eggalegga View Post
I don't have to "deal" with it. I celebrate my choices! I prefer my solitude & my life with my dog. I interact with my family so I'm not totally isolated. Then I go home to my quiet, child-free home. I feel that knowing I DIDN'T want marriage or kids, is a big plus. Some people realize that AFTER they've had both. My life's checkpoints might not match other people's life checkpoints--& that's okay. We're all different.
Sounds awesome to me. Relaxing on the weekend watching movies drinking some good brew and mans best friend right by your side. Meanwhile in homes with kids jumping off the walls the parents are saying please someone take these kids!!! and wishing they could have a drink lollll
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Old 05-22-2017, 10:51 PM
 
2,042 posts, read 1,133,696 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Diane de Poitiers View Post
Well......I'm not actually "anti-marriage", but I figure that since I've reached my late 30s without having a wedding, it's not meant to happen.

There's also the fact that I feel it's near-impossible to find a guy whom I'd be happy with, and who would still be conservative/"mom-friendly" enough to fit in with my family.
What does that mean? A guy would have to like your mother and family?
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Old 05-23-2017, 05:27 PM
 
281 posts, read 199,669 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
This is true, but sometimes there ARE people who do have everything, and they ARE happy. It is not good to envy--someone on here once said, "Comparison is the thief of joy".

I just find it easier to detach myself from being around people who got all the goodies I wanted and was not able to have. I don't begrudge them their goodies, but I really have nothing in common with them.
Materialism is hollow. And sometimes, old, rich people still cling to their dear old money.

I am a hardcore minimalist. Things fail to anything for me. A few clothes, decent shoes, a computer/internet, a clean room and bed and simple food (heat and air conditioning? LOL - just one/two luxuries!)

I do not think I'm above a homeless person. There is a homeless man in all of us. We're closer to homelessness than we think. People don't want to hear the truth - they just buy and buy and buy to numb the internal soul-bleeding.
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Old 05-23-2017, 05:59 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,698 posts, read 23,572,738 times
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[quote=The Dissenter;48097205
So anyone who has decided on a childfree or anti-marriage life, how do you deal with the fact you won't hit some of life's biggest checkpoints?[/QUOTE]

I don't see how anyone can miss something they never wanted in the first place. When someone is thinking for themselves and making their own life choices they shouldn't be looking at other people's choices for validation.
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Old 05-25-2017, 03:27 PM
 
1,478 posts, read 1,891,343 times
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I am married, but the wedding day wasn't a big deal to me. I was not interested in a wedding or any of that. We had a quickie one just to satisfy the family, mostly. I could have done without.
I'm not having kids. Too many reasons to name, but health makes it very difficult. I can't afford IVF or anything else. I do worry about aging and being alone - but I can't see having a kid then hoping it'll wipe my butt or whatever when I'm older. I think that's selfish. Even if I had 5 kids, I feel like they should get to live their live without being tethered to elderly care. What if they have jobs that take them elsewhere, or their own kids? Lets face it, you could live next door but eventually they have to go to the store. You have to figure out how to be at some point without someone by your side.

But that's the issue - checkpoints. Says who? A lot of people think that's it, school, work, marriage, kids... sounds boring to me. For me, checkpoints are about travel, learning, new things and experiences, and friends. I do have some of the traditional ones, such as owning a home and graduating college; but that's me. I think a person needs to have their own accomplishments and checkpoints. Do what you like and what makes you happy.

And you don't even need to have them, I guess. I realize I'll never have some great, make-a-difference successful career, which kinda sucks. But for me just making it through life and being happy is enough for me. And happiness is not a one-size-fits all choice.
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