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That is a fair assumption. But in my experience that's not the case. What I have been told is that because I'm attractive and assertive, people assume I'm mean before actually getting to know me. I had one guy tell me that I reminded him of the "mean girls" in high school that rejected him and made his life hell, so before he knew me he assumed I was like that and was therefore really nasty to me. Once he got to know me he realized I wasn't like that and we finally became friends.
So it's like an automatic conclusion that many people seem to jump to about "how I am", before getting to know me.
Ah, the old "I'm so pretty that people don't like me." Okay folks, on a scale of one to ten, where would you rate this humble brag?
Ah, the old "I'm so pretty that people don't like me." Okay folks, on a scale of one to ten, where would you rate this humble brag?
Appreciate your concern, really. But I'm not bragging. I'm giving posters the facts so that I can convey my story with as much information as possible.
No need to derail this and turn it into something it isn't.
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"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
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Stava, I think I have the picture in clear focus now. I'm picturing, I think, exactly what is happening.
I used to live next to a girl in college who was an absolute 10. There was nothing at all about her that wasn't drop dead gorgeous, right down to her teeth and hair and voice and feet.
She was capable, smart, and aloof. And curt, actually, quite often.
People reacted to her the way you describe people reacting to you. On rare occasions when she was very sweet and friendly, people fell all over themselves. When she was her usual self she was treated with either fear or hostility. I think had she been average looking, people would have treated her very differently and not be so undone by her presence.
It took me a long time to warm up to her, but once that threshhold was crossed I really enjoyed her friendship.
I have a couple other friends who are physically stunning, but they may be more giddy, gregarious, extraverted, bubbly, etc., and they don't get the same reaction at all.
I don't know what to tell you. You can't change your basic personality. Maybe you just have to realize it's a "thing".
In my experience, (I've had quite a lot of people around me) the assertive/attractive women can seem aloof and cold, thus giving the vibe of disliking the people around them. Some of them really do hate everyone, but in most cases they are thinking about their own thing/dealing with their own stuff and showing some sort of facial expression that everyone reads as unfriendliness. The only thing you probably need to do is look up and smile/smile as much as you can.
That's a good solution. It does make sense that an extra effort would have to be made to undo the preconceptions that inevitably will occur.
Stava, I've had this happen a few times. My sense in all the instances, was that they had a basic insecurity, and something about me was setting off their insecurity. Almost like...they bit me first, because they thought I was going to bite them.
The first couple of times it ever happened, I was hurt. But then when I started recognizing the problem, I'd just tell myself "They give me a lot of power by being afraid of me." And I'd have myself an inner smirk.
Bite before being bitten, yes, that sums it up perfectly. Thanks
I don't know what to tell you. You can't change your basic personality. Maybe you just have to realize it's a "thing".
See, I used to be really nice. But I was so open that I got overwhelmed. I never wanted to hurt anyone's feelings and that invited a whole host of problems into my life. So I started being more cautious and not so gregarious, and the way people reacted to me changed immensely. If I come across as cold it's only because I'm trying to keep unwanted stuff OUT of my life.
Unfortunately, I know someone just like this. My sister. It wasn't "revealed" to me, I had to learn the hard way. (I did not know my sister while growing up. I only met her when we were both adults. I didn't have the history to know that she was like this.)
I had never been around someone like that in my life. I was completely thrown off guard. Self-fulfilling prophecy is right. She tried to blame her attitude on something else when I would call her on it, but it was a lie.
It's one of the most frustrating behaviors to try to figure out because if you don't know what is going on, nothing makes any sense at all. Do what they want, you're the best thing on earth, don't do what they want...passive aggressive hell to pay.
It's a game. It's the "prove to me that you like me...constantly", and if you fail to "prove it" to them in their way, because they are so unbelievably insecure, they will go to great lengths to show you just how much they are angry with you, and boy do they try to "punish" you for it. They get downright mean and vindictive but have this way of doing it so that to anyone else, they look innocent.
And they always have excuses. Always.
If you ever run in to someone like this, I don't care who they are to you, get away from them as fast as you can. They will drain you, take everything that they can from you, money included, and then ***** on you by talking to everyone else you may ever come in contact with who knows them to build their story, very early in to it, so that you come out looking like the bad guy.
What really happens is that they end up alone, bitter, angry, stating that once again they were victimized, and you're standing there blinking increduously asking: "WTH just happened?"
Are these people you are talking about extroverted types?
No significance between extroverted and introverted, they tend to run the gamut.
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, but in most cases they are thinking about their own thing/dealing with their own stuff and showing some sort of facial expression that everyone reads as unfriendliness. The only thing you probably need to do is look up and smile/smile as much as you can.
