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Old 05-10-2017, 05:32 PM
 
6,559 posts, read 3,783,880 times
Reputation: 15229

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Quote:
Originally Posted by emotiioo View Post
That's a whole different thread and for the purpose of this conversation it truly doesn't matter. I'm sure that the spouse is cheating.

And why does everyone assume that it's the husband who is the cheat? I never assigned gender.
The reason I asked about the evidence is that I wondered whether it is something that the spouse is obviously ignoring or something certainly unknown to him or her. If it seemed to me it was obvious denial, I probably wouldn't intervene. In any case, it's a difficult decision.
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Old 05-10-2017, 06:20 PM
 
341 posts, read 168,034 times
Reputation: 434
If it were a casual friend I would not tell them. If this was a close friend, yes, as a friend I definitely would tell them. Why would you let the person be viewed as a fool? If everyone knows except your friend then they look like a fool.

I would EXPECT my friend to tell me because that is what good friends do. If I want someone to cover up my husband's infidelity they are NOT my friend. I respect my friends to much to play games with them. Tell your friend and let the cards fall. If she stays with him then she probably already knew everything about his cheating.
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Old 05-10-2017, 06:24 PM
 
Location: Texas
43,376 posts, read 52,288,658 times
Reputation: 70316
Stay out of it.
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Old 05-10-2017, 06:26 PM
 
Location: Texas
43,376 posts, read 52,288,658 times
Reputation: 70316
Quote:
Originally Posted by Murk View Post
I'm a bit surprised by the "mind your own business" responses too... especially for the reason of potentially losing the friendship.

It sounds to me like "I don't care if my friend is being cheated on and probably talked about or even mocked behind her back... as long as I still get to hang out with her."

My friends' feelings are my business. What's the point of being a friend if you don't care about the other person's feelings?
The op makes it sound like the spouse knows but is in denial mode.
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Old 05-10-2017, 06:47 PM
 
6,004 posts, read 2,758,380 times
Reputation: 15172
yes the cheater will appreciate it if you do not share your concerns with the betrayed spouse.

Maybe I am a bit mature in that I don't shoot the messenger...So be it friend or foe sharing a truth....I need to be aware of the circumstance.

Humiliation ( particularly social humiliation) comes to nest when things are said behind a persons back....
Be forthright, and gentle when conveying the concern.
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Old 05-10-2017, 07:18 PM
 
Location: Fort Lauderdale, Florida
9,048 posts, read 8,180,471 times
Reputation: 19571
This isn't about you.

You are speculating. You are judging.

Find HARD evidence.

Then go to the cheating spouse and tell them they have 24 hours to confess everything or you will be presenting your friend the evidence.

I was in the same situation and refused to be put in the position of either covering up his lies or looking the other way.
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Old 05-10-2017, 07:21 PM
 
15,254 posts, read 16,735,655 times
Reputation: 25406
I would have to say something to my friend. Otherwise I'd feel like everything coming out of my mouth was a lie and I would get tired of avoiding the land mines. If I didn't speak up I'd end up avoiding her because all the pretending would wear me out.

Not saying it's right, but it's what I would do.
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Old 05-10-2017, 07:50 PM
 
Location: Canada
5,658 posts, read 4,098,455 times
Reputation: 15195
All I can say about this is that if my best friends KNEW my hubby was cheating on me and didn't tell me, I'd be so very hurt and angry, not just with my husband, but by my friends keeping the knowledge from me. That's what friends are for... to stick with each other and be honest with each other. (husbands too, but that's not the topic)

It would especially hurt if a lot of people knew it and my friends didn't tell me. It certainly wouldn't do me any favors keeping the inevitable from me just because it might hurt. It will hurt anyways when she finally does find out, only even more so.

I'm guessing she's blissfully unaware, so I say tell her, gently. She can then decide what she wants to do about it, but give the poor girl a head's up. She'll feel like an idiot if everyone knows but her.
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Old 05-10-2017, 08:25 PM
 
Location: Florida
153 posts, read 84,555 times
Reputation: 481
Sounds like the spouse of your friend either has a bad reputation others gossip about to validate, or you have never approved of them.

Either way, if you sincerely have concerns and they are a close friend, let them know how you feel, and more importantly, why you feel that way.
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Old 05-10-2017, 09:45 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,322 posts, read 4,491,876 times
Reputation: 26784
This situation comes up fairly often and when it does, I just take some photos of the cheater with his squeeze and mail them anonymously to the wife.
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