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Old 05-13-2017, 12:12 PM
 
16,988 posts, read 20,552,748 times
Reputation: 33950

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Quote:
Originally Posted by stava View Post
Yes, he's jealous and he's acting like a brat. Do not continue to give him leeway and put him in his place if you have to. People like this won't stop until you create boundaries for them.

Really bad advice. This is at work, not at a nightclub.

Depending on who he knows at what level he is at, he could make things miserable for the OP at work.

Best thing to do is move on, the OP hasn't been that "friendly"(and friendly doesn't mean friends because they aren't friends) with this person. You have to see these people 5 days a week, find other ways to socialize.



Quote:
Originally Posted by The Big Lebowski Dude View Post
Why are you making friends at work? I go to my job to work, not socialize. I don't understand how anyone can get any work done if they're screwing around trying to be friends with their co-workers.
Agree, in the various jobs I have had I only maintained what I would call a real friendship with one person outside of work. There were people I would go lunch with, but didn't socialize outside of the job.

OP, she isn't a friend, she is someone you work with who you have gotten chummy with. Clearly they're a package deal, move on.

Look for friends through groups you have an interest in(like a bike club) rather than at work.
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Old 05-13-2017, 12:15 PM
 
16,988 posts, read 20,552,748 times
Reputation: 33950
Quote:
Originally Posted by BobCaldwell View Post
This, this THIS. the more you allow this idiot to disrespect you, the more he'll do it. Not that you should even care, but imagine what he says to her in your absence.

Do not hesitate to put him in his place, harshly, if necessary. Almost wish I could do it for you.
Again this is at work, not just a social situation.

It's not like the OP has been friendly with this woman for years and this guy just showed up.

OP has only been friendly a short time, so cut your losses. Find other people to be social with, and the smart thing to do would be to do it outside of your employment.

It's work, not college or high school.
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Old 05-13-2017, 12:42 PM
 
1,383 posts, read 533,843 times
Reputation: 3066
Be up front with your friend and tell her what he's doing to you and because of his attitude..you ONLY want to hang out with her when possible.IF she refuses to do that AFTER telling her what is going on...then end the friendship with her too because if she was a real friend and liked you as a friend too...she would understand what you've told her and hang out with just you and her at times...no problem.
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Old 05-13-2017, 02:42 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,460 posts, read 14,105,483 times
Reputation: 29894
When I've had co workers be bratty or difficult, I've had best results by killing with kindness. I refuse to stoop to their level, but always remain positive. I had one co worker steal a schedule once, that I had worked on the night before. I knew he/she had stolen it, but I refused to lose my cool or start accusing someone. I simply redid the schedule, and treated the co worker with respect. It paid off for me over time.

Telling off coworkers can blow up in your face. All the coworker has to do is visit HR and complain, leaving out why you told him or her off. The idea here is to get your job done efficiently. Be cordial to everyone, and do your job. If friendship with this woman is too hard, back off, but be cordial. Do your job. Be kind to your coworkers. Be above the fray. Make your supervisor your ally, by meeting deadlines and being accurate.

We don't always get to work with the most congenial people, but if you become a long term employee, you will see a lot of pigeons come home to roost. Don't get involved with petty problems, and you will be fine. I imagine this unhappy guy will move on, or come out, or be transferred. If not, then at some point you can probably try for a better job in a different department, of use your experience to find a better job. Take the long view.
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Old 05-13-2017, 04:55 PM
 
6,416 posts, read 1,891,486 times
Reputation: 6072
I wish you would have given some examples of the "downright rude" questions. Maybe the best thing would be to have some mocking retorts. Like "How much do you earn?" could be met with "Why? Do you want to hire me?"

And, excuse me, but don't get carried away with words like "monster."
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Old 05-13-2017, 05:05 PM
 
Location: Philadelphia, PA
2,133 posts, read 971,259 times
Reputation: 2400
Quote:
Originally Posted by nahnahnadia View Post
Made a new friend at work recently and we've been hitting it off. The problem is her guy best friend we work with doesn't like me and it's obvious. Should I just let the friendship go or only plan on hanging out with her outside of work when he's not around? I'm fed up and I don't feel it's in my place to bring this up to her, as it seems whiny, and he's known her longer so she's likely to side with him.

Background: I've been very friendly and nice to him since I've met him; even going out of my way to try to establish a connection since he is ALWAYS with her- basically attached to her hip. But he is consistently snooty, rude, ignoring, forgetting my name, or asking downright rude questions. In front of her, he is cordial so she doesn't see it, but when she's gone he's actually kind of a monster. Is he jealous? wtf?

Personality: When I first met him I immediately knew he was gay, but through being around him have come to understand he's either in the closet or on the down low (he comes from a strict christian background). It's very obvious he's struggling with his sexuality, but Im wondering if this behavior is his way of coping? : I've been nothing but a sweetheart to him and even making sure I wasn't stepping on his toes by "taking his friend away" from him, but he's been a down right bully. I'm fed up.
Look him straight in the eye and say "I don't like you. Stay away from me." When he runs to her about it (or HR), simply deny it.
Next time he bothers you, say it again.
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Old 05-13-2017, 11:59 PM
 
3,208 posts, read 1,506,072 times
Reputation: 3541
stay away from me. i dont like you is perfectly ok to say at work. he is being a big D.

dont hang out with her, or let her know her friend is a douche. too many other people to be friendly with.
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Old 05-17-2017, 09:45 AM
 
16,022 posts, read 19,516,600 times
Reputation: 26175
Quote:
Originally Posted by nahnahnadia View Post
Made a new friend at work recently and we've been hitting it off. The problem is her guy best friend we work with doesn't like me and it's obvious. Should I just let the friendship go or only plan on hanging out with her outside of work when he's not around? I'm fed up and I don't feel it's in my place to bring this up to her, as it seems whiny, and he's known her longer so she's likely to side with him.

Background: I've been very friendly and nice to him since I've met him; even going out of my way to try to establish a connection since he is ALWAYS with her- basically attached to her hip. But he is consistently snooty, rude, ignoring, forgetting my name, or asking downright rude questions. In front of her, he is cordial so she doesn't see it, but when she's gone he's actually kind of a monster. Is he jealous? wtf?

Personality: When I first met him I immediately knew he was gay, but through being around him have come to understand he's either in the closet or on the down low (he comes from a strict christian background). It's very obvious he's struggling with his sexuality, but Im wondering if this behavior is his way of coping? : I've been nothing but a sweetheart to him and even making sure I wasn't stepping on his toes by "taking his friend away" from him, but he's been a down right bully. I'm fed up.
You should only invest your social time with real friendships. This guy and gal from work are work friends, until they become more. Your gal friend seems uninterested if she includes this guy and pretends that she doesn't see the BS behavior.

Why not simply ask her to do things and don't invite the guy along. She'll either get the hint that you don't like the guy, or not. If she is that clueless don't waste your energy.
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Old 05-17-2017, 10:15 AM
 
6,218 posts, read 2,233,248 times
Reputation: 14374
I have 2 good friends at work. Unfortunately, the 2 of them don't get along very well.


It's more their problem than mine. I realize the two of them don't get along, so we don't make threesome plans, but I do lunch plans with each of them, separately.


And there's a lady here at work, that I don't care for, who's friends with one of my 2 good friends. It's the same story...THEY do stuff together from time to time, without me. It's as much my choice...I find it hard to be around that person.
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Old 05-17-2017, 11:02 AM
 
Location: NOVA
143 posts, read 68,745 times
Reputation: 381
I would keep my contact with him to a minimum if possible. I also would not continue trying to push a friendship with this woman. If his behavior is due to jealousy who knows how far he will go to get you out of the way.

I have found that confronting some people does not work. I had a coworker that was constantly called out for her attitude. A different coworker let it slip once that a lady that used to work there had a problem with the way she treated her. In response, this coworker stated that the lady could not handle her strong personality. That was her response every time anyone talked to her about her nasty behavior.

Last edited by miasth; 05-17-2017 at 11:38 AM..
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