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Old 05-11-2017, 04:04 AM
 
Location: Sugarland
13,743 posts, read 12,660,471 times
Reputation: 16584

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I hate to admit it, but I'm an honest person. Of course I congratulated her and haven't expressed any of my concerns to her because I prefer to mind my own business. But I'll discuss it here. She's a fairly close relative, 35, never married before and no kids. Professionally, she's doing very well for herself. I think she's been dating her fiance for less than two years. I haven't met him yet, but other family members have. Truthfully, I haven't really wanted to meet him, but now that they're engaged, I assume I will. My concerns about the engagement:

1. She met him in his native country, and I wonder if he's using her to get US citizenship.

2. She's in the process of buying a house and now he's going to be moving in. I don't know what he does for work and how much money he'll actually be contributing. I think she's smart enough not to let a man use her as a free ride, but you never know.

3. She's not some naive woman who easily falls in love, so I shouldn't worry about her too much, but I also don't really trust men.

4. I'm glad she's happy and he might actually be a good guy. She's had several boyfriends, but I've never seen her really in love before and I've always thought of her as super independent, so maybe I'm just bothered that she'll be turning into a "married woman" like everyone else. Her Facebook post about her engagement got a lot of attention although people usually ignore the rest of the stuff she posts. It's like, your life isn't important to people until some guy decides to give you a ring? That's the only thing that's worth pressing the "like" button for? I'm sounding like a bitter, single woman right now, so I'll stop there. lol

In conclusion, I fully plan to support her and will try very hard to muster up more excitement than I currently feel.
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Old 05-11-2017, 04:19 AM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
7,559 posts, read 4,824,777 times
Reputation: 12386
I know the feeling.

My best friend is getting married in June. I don't think she's ready and she's rushing into it. She had a child at 19 and has known her boyfriend since middle school (I know them both very well) she's had boyfriends, but she eventually went back to her now fiance. He takes care of her child and loves my best friend but I think they should've waited mainly for financial and maturity reasons. But that's just me. I'm not exactly too excited and I'm IN the wedding Lol! I wish them the best though.
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Old 05-11-2017, 06:42 AM
 
Location: Sugarland
13,743 posts, read 12,660,471 times
Reputation: 16584
Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea View Post
I know the feeling.

My best friend is getting married in June. I don't think she's ready and she's rushing into it. She had a child at 19 and has known her boyfriend since middle school (I know them both very well) she's had boyfriends, but she eventually went back to her now fiance. He takes care of her child and loves my best friend but I think they should've waited mainly for financial and maturity reasons. But that's just me. I'm not exactly too excited and I'm IN the wedding Lol! I wish them the best though.
Yeah, I know it's not that uncommon not to be too excited about an upcoming wedding. I've never been a bridesmaid before, but of course I'll agree to do it if asked, even though I do think it's more fun to attend as a guest. The wedding might not happen until next year anyway since they just got engaged.
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Old 05-11-2017, 06:50 AM
 
1,434 posts, read 1,113,720 times
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Stick to your plan of minding your own business. You haven't even met him yet and you already don't like him. That's not fair to him or her.
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Old 05-11-2017, 06:59 AM
 
Location: Sugarland
13,743 posts, read 12,660,471 times
Reputation: 16584
Quote:
Originally Posted by ccc123 View Post
Stick to your plan of minding your own business. You haven't even met him yet and you already don't like him. That's not fair to him or her.
I didn't say that I don't like him. I said I don't necessarily trust him. However, I don't need to like him or trust him because I'm not the one marrying him.
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Old 05-11-2017, 07:21 AM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
21,853 posts, read 23,095,294 times
Reputation: 37235
Sounds more like you feel like she's "selling out" by getting married. Which really means it's more about you and your feelings about marriage than it is about her and her thoughts and feelings on what she wants for her own life.

Do some thinking on that.
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Old 05-11-2017, 08:21 AM
 
Location: Sugarland
13,743 posts, read 12,660,471 times
Reputation: 16584
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
Sounds more like you feel like she's "selling out" by getting married. Which really means it's more about you and your feelings about marriage than it is about her and her thoughts and feelings on what she wants for her own life.

Do some thinking on that.
I don't mean to sound like that. I think marriage with the right person is a wonderful thing. I think it's something she wanted, but didn't talk much about it because she didn't think she'd find the right guy. Also, I am not 100% against marrying foreigners, depending on the country. I certainly hope she isn't being deceived, but as I said, she's not a dummy and if she feels like this is the right choice, I will support her.
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Old 05-11-2017, 08:23 AM
 
9,695 posts, read 4,931,038 times
Reputation: 33453
You're making a whole lot of assumptions. You said it ... you sound like a bitter single woman.
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Old 05-11-2017, 08:35 AM
 
5,190 posts, read 4,034,970 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hertfordshire View Post
You're making a whole lot of assumptions. You said it ... you sound like a bitter single woman.


My thought, too.
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Old 05-11-2017, 08:46 AM
 
Location: Sugarland
13,743 posts, read 12,660,471 times
Reputation: 16584
Quote:
Originally Posted by mochamajesty View Post
My thought, too.
I feel like that's always the assumption, which is why I feel bad for not being excited about it. But then I feel like I have to pretend to be excited about it so that I won't be accused of being bitter. I want her to be happy, but her engagement announcement made me uneasy. I even had nightmares about it. This hasn't happened in the past when other people I know got engaged.
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