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Me and a former female friend got into a bad argument back in early February and we stopped talking. After that I never saw her again which I thought was strange until I ran into her brother a few days ago. I asked him how she was doing because I wanted to make up and apologize to her. He told me she died back in early March. My last words to her was us having a heated argument and now I can never tell her I'm sorry.
I think that a lot of times we apologize to appease our own selves. Kinda like..."I messed up and corrected it." The ball's in their court now.
While a true apology doesn't need a response. We realize that we messed up, we said so, and we move forward. The person can accept the apology and move forward, rekindle the relationship......or not. Sometimes apologies aren't accepted, and we have to accept that. Hope that makes sense.
If this is the same person that the OP has confessed to harassing in her other thread, then the apology/closure bridge is probably burned. You lost a friendship because you couldn't control yourself, and you drove her away further with your actions. What you can do is accept the fact that you messed up, and do better going forward.
I lost a once close friend because I was immature. I didn't do anything to purposely hurt them, but I said a few things in anger I didn't mean to get a reaction (they seem to think that anything I say in anger must be gospel truth. I called them egotistical. I've gotten a lot more insults on a message board). I also use to look down a lot on geeky things because and well they loved geeky things, so that was a major source of friction. Either way, I feel really guilty about it all. They obviously want nothing to do with me, and I don't think contacting them is good either. How do I deal with the guilt?
I looked online for different answers, but most of the issues have to deal with cheating, backstabbing, rape, etc. I mean, I don't think I should be held to those sort of standards.
You already put your finger on the problem, " because I was immature."
So, do the adult thing ,accept the truth about yourself , then go make amends to them.
Tell them the truth. Anger arises from fear, so you were afraid of something in them, maybe they were more mature than you.
If you called them egotistical, it was you being egotistical and projecting it onto them in order to deny your own ego problem, thats a typical human thing to do.
The other person already knows the truth about you, so they will recognize you have changed immediately.
Me and a former female friend got into a bad argument back in early February and we stopped talking. After that I never saw her again which I thought was strange until I ran into her brother a few days ago. I asked him how she was doing because I wanted to make up and apologize to her. He told me she died back in early March. My last words to her was us having a heated argument and now I can never tell her I'm sorry.
Thats why they wrote Greek tragedies.
If you forgive, you are forgiven. Its a two part deal.
Forgive us our trespasses =AS= we forgive those.....
I lost a once close friend because I was immature. I didn't do anything to purposely hurt them, but I said a few things in anger I didn't mean to get a reaction (they seem to think that anything I say in anger must be gospel truth. I called them egotistical. I've gotten a lot more insults on a message board). I also use to look down a lot on geeky things because and well they loved geeky things, so that was a major source of friction. Either way, I feel really guilty about it all. They obviously want nothing to do with me, and I don't think contacting them is good either. How do I deal with the guilt?
I looked online for different answers, but most of the issues have to deal with cheating, backstabbing, rape, etc. I mean, I don't think I should be held to those sort of standards.
I think if you can, you could write an email sincerely apologizing for your bad behavior. In your post I note that you seem to cut yourself some slack. I'd not do that if you decide to put your apology in black and white. You want this person to know that you are sincerely sorry, and that you recognize that you were way out of line. You might also name the ways you were out of line.
You cannot expect your friend to welcome you back into his or her life. But you can, perhaps, express some self awareness by your sincere apology, and that might help you deal with your guilt, and it might lessen the hostility your friend has likely felt for you since your actions.
Then channel your feelings into some positive actions. Volunteer, or become a reliable help to someone who needs help. In other words, you turn the negative energy that is eating you up inside into positive energy by helping someone else.
I am glad you know you messed up. Don't try to justify or lessen your actions in your mind. Accept that you messed up and take positive actions.
I do think you will feel better if you do those two things. But feeling guilt is a learning experience. Resolve never to make the same mistake again.
Even the best-behaved and best-intentioned accumulate enemies over time. Even when you do the right thing for yourself and others, you will have people dislike you for it.
If you say the right things, half the population may hate you anyway,
yet those who please everyone are sometimes the greatest thieves of all.
If this is the same person that the OP has confessed to harassing in her other thread, then the apology/closure bridge is probably burned. You lost a friendship because you couldn't control yourself, and you drove her away further with your actions. What you can do is accept the fact that you messed up, and do better going forward.
Clearly, others need to see this again.
Amen.
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