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Old 05-18-2017, 12:27 PM
 
Location: Chicago. Kind of.
2,895 posts, read 1,635,611 times
Reputation: 7909

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Corvette Ministries View Post
And an announcement WITHOUT an invitation is an insinuation!
I agree - that's how I see them. I was only saying that sending an announcement (which is generally done after the fact) is not the same as specifically inviting someone to a party - I've always thought announcements were insinuating that a gift should be forthcoming.

Or EXACTLY what convextech said, as usual.

Last edited by Missy2U; 05-18-2017 at 12:56 PM..
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Old 05-18-2017, 12:29 PM
 
Location: Denver CO
21,014 posts, read 11,633,974 times
Reputation: 31884
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2martins View Post
Sister in law and Mother in law saw that other sister in law wasn't invited to my son's graduation.

first Mom in law sent me an email with sisters email address since I must not have it. I thanked her since I would definitely need it for an announcement.

MIL and SIL talk and decide (without talking to my husband or me) that they will invite the other sister anyway, assuming that I will cave in once she's already been invited since uninviting her will hurt her feelings.

Husband and I remain adamant she's not invited. Obviously, we have very good reason for this.

We tell MIL she needs to take care of it. Mother in law admits what she did was wrong and apologizes and SAYS she will take care of it but then procrastinates and talks to other SIL again and hasn't done anything yet.

So then SIL tells my husband well I won't come if sister isn't invited. My wonderful husband replies, Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. We'll really miss you. So the next morning her husband emails me and tells me he won't photograph the ceremony as he promised to do months ago.

I told him that while I understood his wife not coming that he made a commitment to my son and the entire graduating class and that I expected him to honor his commitment.


He responded that well his first priority is MIL and SIL and maybe if we can repair our relationship he will be able to shoot the ceremony.

I reply that I am willing to forgive and forget if they apologize, fix the problem, and I expect him to honor his commitment.

So far no response. Totally pissed here. I can't find any advice on line pertaining to this because NO ONE DOESModerator cut: delete THIS!!!!

Is your BIL a professional photographer who was hired to photograph the entire class? Presumably there is a contract if that's the case? Family dynamics notwithstanding, it seems crazy he's choose to ruin his professional reputation.

If he's not a professional and this was just going to be some casual photos, then drop it with him, he's made his decision and he's siding with his wife and other SIL, not you and you aren't going to change that.
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Old 05-18-2017, 12:33 PM
 
Location: Northern Virginia
5,083 posts, read 5,349,148 times
Reputation: 12576
Quote:
Originally Posted by Missy2U View Post
An Announcement is NOT an invitation.
It's an invitation to send a gift ($$$).
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Old 05-18-2017, 12:37 PM
 
13,106 posts, read 17,670,397 times
Reputation: 19652
You bait with announcements and then go boo-boo not you. Then your guests invite each other and neither you nor your husband have it to simply say no. Do you really want pictures taken by a photographer who is family and his wife and MIL are at odds with you?
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Old 05-18-2017, 01:02 PM
 
16,992 posts, read 20,598,336 times
Reputation: 33956
Quote:
Originally Posted by Missy2U View Post
An Announcement is NOT an invitation.
So? You don't send an announcement to people you don't like.

Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech View Post
Good question. You don't want them there, but you don't want your son to miss out on getting a check?
Yes, a check and maybe to stir the pot. I think the OP is one of these types that only is happy if some drama is going on. Notice she made the thread all about her, not a word about how the son feels, it is HIS graduation, not hers.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Threestep View Post
You bait with announcements and then go boo-boo not you. Then your guests invite each other and neither you nor your husband have it to simply say no. Do you really want pictures taken by a photographer who is family and his wife and MIL are at odds with you?
Good point about the photographer.

Most schools have a photographer on hand that you can pay, or go with someone else. The OP makes it sound like she will forcer BIL at gunpoint if need be to get him to do it. Not too smart, he could easily on purpose screw it up.
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Old 05-18-2017, 01:06 PM
 
16,992 posts, read 20,598,336 times
Reputation: 33956
Quote:
Originally Posted by emm74 View Post
Is your BIL a professional photographer who was hired to photograph the entire class? Presumably there is a contract if that's the case? Family dynamics notwithstanding, it seems crazy he's choose to ruin his professional reputation.

If he's not a professional and this was just going to be some casual photos, then drop it with him, he's made his decision and he's siding with his wife and other SIL, not you and you aren't going to change that.
Very doubtful the BIL is a professional photographer.

OP expects everyone to do as she says or else. It looks more like she is the problem and not all these other family members.
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Old 05-18-2017, 01:13 PM
 
Location: State of Denial
1,869 posts, read 941,223 times
Reputation: 9841
Unless Sister-in-Law is a raging alcoholic who is guaranteed to show up sloppy drunk and do a strip tease in front of the stage during the ceremony, then why the hell not just let her come and get it over with?


Certain rites of life (birthdays, graduations, weddings, etc.) are events where you pretty much have to put up with some people you'd rather not associate with JUST FOR THE SAKE OF THE HONOREE. You bite your tongue and put on your big-girl panties and realize that you can pick your friends but you can't pick your relatives.
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Old 05-18-2017, 01:17 PM
 
35,121 posts, read 40,004,782 times
Reputation: 62027
OP: Uninvite everyone to the actual ceremony, take your own photographs/video, show them all at the celebration party you have *for your son* afterwards.
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Old 05-18-2017, 01:18 PM
 
35,121 posts, read 40,004,782 times
Reputation: 62027
Quote:
Originally Posted by jamary1 View Post
Unless Sister-in-Law is a raging alcoholic who is guaranteed to show up sloppy drunk and do a strip tease in front of the stage during the ceremony, then why the hell not just let her come and get it over with?


Certain rites of life (birthdays, graduations, weddings, etc.) are events where you pretty much have to put up with some people you'd rather not associate with JUST FOR THE SAKE OF THE HONOREE. You bite your tongue and put on your big-girl panties and realize that you can pick your friends but you can't pick your relatives.
Actually no you don't *IF* you already have your big-girl panties on..........
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Old 05-18-2017, 02:00 PM
 
Location: Chicago. Kind of.
2,895 posts, read 1,635,611 times
Reputation: 7909
Quote:
Originally Posted by HokieFan View Post
It's an invitation to send a gift ($$$).
Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post
So? You don't send an announcement to people you don't like.


Yes, a check and maybe to stir the pot. -SNIP-

If you had READ a few posts further, that is exactly what I SAID!
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