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Old 05-18-2017, 10:32 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,075 posts, read 69,976,382 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dblackga View Post
Just curious -- it's your son's graduation -- who does HE want to invite?

Proceed accordingly.

Radical!
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Old 05-18-2017, 10:45 PM
 
3,240 posts, read 1,527,661 times
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my take of things, dont rely on family for favors like photography, and dont expect them to commit. you can take your own photos, you know.

why you dont want the particular person attending is an important question that needs to be answered.

but why invite so many people to your kids graduation? it should be about you your hubby and kids!

when you allow your family to get intertwined with the extended family, they start offering themselves, and complicate life by giving and forcing opinion, deciding or meddling in your lives, knowing things they dont need to know about your nuclear family. And then the crap starts, starting with MIL ,then SIL, . blood thicker then water, family tradition, let the trumpets blow!

start doing things between your family, and include others if you choose. after seeing what is happening with this issue, invite MIL alone, or invite all.
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Old 05-19-2017, 08:45 AM
 
16,025 posts, read 19,584,879 times
Reputation: 26195
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
I agree - but that's kind of like a logic problem:

SIL 1 doesn't attend therefore
SIL 2 doesn't attend therefore
BIL2 won't attend and photograph
resolved - allow SIL1 to attend or decide it's okay BIL doesn't photograph

The OP already knew that. Except, apparently that ship has sailed and now BIL won't photograph even though SIL1 is begrudgingly invited.

In my opinion, it's kind of more important what the issue was to begin with - because this issue isn't going to end at graduation. They are now ostracizing themselves from extended family and that's likely forever. IF SIL1 did something really unforgivable to a reasonable person and BIL was sticking up for her, I wouldn't want him there to photograph anyway.

But she does. Because . . . what? Because siding with the SIL isn't really an affront?

Lesson: If you want to snub a family member and enjoy watching her squirm as everyone else in the family participates in the snub, you better hope she has no one on her side. She misread this, and it makes her look foolish and now she's out a photographer her son and others were counting on. And no one from dad's side of the family is coming to his graduation party. Poorly played, OP.
This seems accurate. OP....When you passively aggressively punish someone, there often are repercussions OWN your part in this fiasco.

Now...I'll add...Since the kids, including your son were expecting to be photographed....You need to find a replacement photographer.....It's on you.
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Old 05-19-2017, 11:01 AM
 
Location: In the house we finally own!
517 posts, read 257,404 times
Reputation: 2456
I was in a similar situation last Thanksgiving. We had moved here to be closer to my MIL so that my DH could help her out and spend time with her. My SIL (BIL's wife), had hurt me very deeply and I had no desire to get anywhere near her. My DH said he didn't mind staying home with me, but then I got to thinking of the whole reason we were there in the first place. If we didn't go, my DH and MIL would not get to spend one of her last Thanksgivings together, so I sucked it up and went. I was pleasant and civil towards my SIL, and I know it meant a lot to my MIL that we were there.

OP, this graduation is all about your son, not you, and not anyone else in the family. He deserves to have his family there to share his moment and celebrate his achievement. Please don't ruin this for him. You are the adult, and this is a chance to show him by example how to behave as one. It doesn't matter that you didn't invite her, what matters is giving your son the best graduation he can have.
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Old 05-19-2017, 11:35 AM
 
9,916 posts, read 3,947,310 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WoundedSpirit View Post
I was in a similar situation last Thanksgiving. We had moved here to be closer to my MIL so that my DH could help her out and spend time with her. My SIL (BIL's wife), had hurt me very deeply and I had no desire to get anywhere near her. My DH said he didn't mind staying home with me, but then I got to thinking of the whole reason we were there in the first place. If we didn't go, my DH and MIL would not get to spend one of her last Thanksgivings together, so I sucked it up and went. I was pleasant and civil towards my SIL, and I know it meant a lot to my MIL that we were there.

OP, this graduation is all about your son, not you, and not anyone else in the family. He deserves to have his family there to share his moment and celebrate his achievement. Please don't ruin this for him. You are the adult, and this is a chance to show him by example how to behave as one. It doesn't matter that you didn't invite her, what matters is giving your son the best graduation he can have.

What a lovely post, WoundedSpirit.
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Old 05-19-2017, 12:07 PM
 
2,054 posts, read 1,091,280 times
Reputation: 3940
Did I miss something?

Does anyone know how old this child is and where he is graduating from? How many tickets did he get for graduation?

I'm asking because it doesn't seem like the OP is returning to this thread.
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Old 05-19-2017, 12:35 PM
 
1,554 posts, read 1,041,404 times
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No, OP posted once and never returned. Guess she didn't really want the help she called for in her thread title.
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Old 05-19-2017, 12:39 PM
 
9,916 posts, read 3,947,310 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 5-all View Post
No, OP posted once and never returned. Guess she didn't really want the help she called for in her thread title.
It's weird, isn't it? I do understand that someone might ask for help and then when they check the responses they're outta here, and don't post again, but I don't understand it when they post for help and don't even log back in to look.
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Old 05-19-2017, 01:15 PM
 
1,554 posts, read 1,041,404 times
Reputation: 3618
I agree it's weird but it happens here even in threads without drama. That's life on CD.
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Old 05-19-2017, 01:36 PM
 
6,285 posts, read 3,385,816 times
Reputation: 3454
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2martins View Post
Sister in law and Mother in law saw that other sister in law wasn't invited to my son's graduation.

first Mom in law sent me an email with sisters email address since I must not have it. I thanked her since I would definitely need it for an announcement.

MIL and SIL talk and decide (without talking to my husband or me) that they will invite the other sister anyway, assuming that I will cave in once she's already been invited since uninviting her will hurt her feelings.
Some marvelous passive-aggressive stuff here, or maybe just plain old-fashion rudeness? Can't decide which.
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