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Old 06-01-2017, 04:10 PM
 
87 posts, read 259,650 times
Reputation: 66

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The photographer's wife was invited. She and my MIL are the ones that invited SIL. When my husband and I did not give in to their manipulative play of them inviting her, she said well then I'm not coming. Husband is 100% with me and says We'll miss you. Then she talked BIL into holding his photography hostage to really put the screws on. Which to me seemed out of bounds. When he makes a commitment to shoot other Events, he doesn't refuse at the last minute if he isn't allowed to invite someone to the event. I seriously doubted my ability to get another acceptable volunteer at the last minute and I was pissed that I had to. Or had to pay for a photographer because I had made a commitment to the class and I am the kind of person that HONORS my commitments.
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Old 06-01-2017, 04:11 PM
 
10,169 posts, read 4,055,986 times
Reputation: 25764
I'm so curious about what sort of school this is - I've never in my life heard of a parent organizing the ceremony, hosting a whole class party, and paying for all the student's caps and gowns.

This whole time I thought you were having a party after the ceremony to celebrate your son's graduation, and that was what all the invitations were about.

In my experience, graduations are public events that anyone can attend (except in cases where emergency facilities are used at the last minute because of weather and the attendance is strictly limited due to space concerns). Then, after the public ceremony where you see people who might be middle school teachers, or Sunday School teachers, or rec soccer coaches whatever, attend out of interest in the group of kids, families separate out into their private parties wherever.

I'm just so curious what sort of group of parents can't even pay for their own son's cap and gown. That's like, 30 bucks.

Anyway, best wishes with it.
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Old 06-01-2017, 04:14 PM
 
10,169 posts, read 4,055,986 times
Reputation: 25764
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2martins View Post
The photographer's wife was invited. She and my MIL are the ones that invited SIL. When my husband and I did not give in to their manipulative play of them inviting her, she said well then I'm not coming. Husband is 100% with me and says We'll miss you. Then she talked BIL into holding his photography hostage to really put the screws on. Which to me seemed out of bounds. When he makes a commitment to shoot other Events, he doesn't refuse at the last minute if he isn't allowed to invite someone to the event. I seriously doubted my ability to get another acceptable volunteer at the last minute and I was pissed that I had to. Or had to pay for a photographer because I had made a commitment to the class and I am the kind of person that HONORS my commitments.
If parents aren't even willing to pay for their own graduate's cap and gown, and they're staying afterwards to eat the food you paid for, I think you could hire a high school junior with an iphone to take pictures of the kids as they walked across the stage, and leave it at that.

Honestly, I think that's a viable solution to the photographer problem.
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Old 06-01-2017, 04:19 PM
 
Location: Denver CO
21,177 posts, read 11,785,778 times
Reputation: 32188
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
I'm so curious about what sort of school this is - I've never in my life heard of a parent organizing the ceremony, hosting a whole class party, and paying for all the student's caps and gowns.

This whole time I thought you were having a party after the ceremony to celebrate your son's graduation, and that was what all the invitations were about.

In my experience, graduations are public events that anyone can attend (except in cases where emergency facilities are used at the last minute because of weather and the attendance is strictly limited due to space concerns). Then, after the public ceremony where you see people who might be middle school teachers, or Sunday School teachers, or rec soccer coaches whatever, attend out of interest in the group of kids, families separate out into their private parties wherever.

I'm just so curious what sort of group of parents can't even pay for their own son's cap and gown. That's like, 30 bucks.

Anyway, best wishes with it.

Your experience is not universal. In my experience, graduations are generally held in space limited venues, and each graduate is allocated a specific number of tickets. Some trading goes on with kids who have smaller families or out of town relatives but it's not at all unusual for only parents, siblings and grandparents to make the cut for who gets a ticket to the actual ceremony.

And a junior with an iPhone as the sole photographer to record the event? Seriously??
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Old 06-01-2017, 04:22 PM
 
10,169 posts, read 4,055,986 times
Reputation: 25764
Quote:
Originally Posted by emm74 View Post
Your experience is not universal. In my experience, graduations are generally held in space limited venues, and each graduate is allocated a specific number of tickets. Some trading goes on with kids who have smaller families or out of town relatives but it's not at all unusual for only parents, siblings and grandparents to make the cut for who gets a ticket to the actual ceremony.

And a junior with an iPhone as the sole photographer to record the event? Seriously??
Yes, seriously.

Why should one parent have to fund the entire graduation ceremony, 1/2 the food AND the caps and gowns and the photographer for all the students?

She should cut her losses and get someone who's good with a phone camera.

If a parent isn't willing to pay for a photo, or a cap and gown, then yes. They can take their own photos (which they all might) or get an iphone photo messaged to them.
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Old 06-01-2017, 04:23 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,043 posts, read 17,354,477 times
Reputation: 41412
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
I'm so curious about what sort of school this is - I've never in my life heard of a parent organizing the ceremony, hosting a whole class party, and paying for all the student's caps and gowns.

This whole time I thought you were having a party after the ceremony to celebrate your son's graduation, and that was what all the invitations were about.

In my experience, graduations are public events that anyone can attend (except in cases where emergency facilities are used at the last minute because of weather and the attendance is strictly limited due to space concerns). Then, after the public ceremony where you see people who might be middle school teachers, or Sunday School teachers, or rec soccer coaches whatever, attend out of interest in the group of kids, families separate out into their private parties wherever.

I'm just so curious what sort of group of parents can't even pay for their own son's cap and gown. That's like, 30 bucks.

Anyway, best wishes with it.
Man, I don't know where you live, but every HS graduation that I recall in my entire life had a limited amount of tickets per graduate. I recall that when my sister graduated in 1961 each graduate received four tickets (which was just enough for our parents & her two siblings). I remember that people with larger families were scrambling to get tickets from people with small families. When our daughter graduated HS in 2006 each graduate could receive six tickets. Since we only needed three tickets she gave our extra tickets to some friends so that they could invite both sets of grandparents. Ditto, with nieces & nephew graduations, very limited seating. BTW, this happened over multiple years, in multiple cities in several states.

Where are HS graduations "public events" open to everyone and anyone?

Last edited by germaine2626; 06-01-2017 at 04:52 PM..
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Old 06-01-2017, 04:28 PM
 
10,169 posts, read 4,055,986 times
Reputation: 25764
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Man, I don't know where you live, but every HS graduation that I recall in my entire life had a limited amount of tickets per graduate. I recall that when my sister graduated in 1961 each graduate received four tickets (which was just enough for our parents & her two siblings). I remember that people with larger families were scrambling to get tickets from people with small families. When our daughter graduated HS in 2006 each graduate could receive six tickets. Since we only needed three tickets she gave our extra tickets to some friends so that they could invite the grandparents. Ditto, with nieces & nephew graduations, very limited seating. BTW, this happened over multiple years, in multiple cities in several states.

Where are HS graduations "public events" open to everyone and anyone?
Everyone I've ever attended, personally, except for one in Brazoria county in the 1970's because a hurricane was coming through and they had to use the high school auditorium and seating was limited.

Other than that, though, I've attended graduations in 5 school districts in Texas and they're all large enough venues that seating isn't limited.

I had no idea that other school districts/counties don't have facilities that can accommodate larger crowds than 4X a high school graduation class.
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Old 06-01-2017, 04:40 PM
 
87 posts, read 259,650 times
Reputation: 66
It's a small school and it's the very first Graduating class. If it were a family event with some friends invited we would have invited the whole family. It didn't seem right to subject the other seniors to the potential​ insanity of SIL1. We love her, but she's had to be hospitalized multiple times and the most recent time was only a few months ago. At Christmas time even my MIL didn't want my SIL1 to come visit!
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Old 06-01-2017, 04:42 PM
 
Location: The sleepy part of New York City
1,958 posts, read 1,207,427 times
Reputation: 4332
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2martins View Post
The photographer's wife was invited. She and my MIL are the ones that invited SIL. When my husband and I did not give in to their manipulative play of them inviting her, she said well then I'm not coming. Husband is 100% with me and says We'll miss you. Then she talked BIL into holding his photography hostage to really put the screws on. Which to me seemed out of bounds. When he makes a commitment to shoot other Events, he doesn't refuse at the last minute if he isn't allowed to invite someone to the event. I seriously doubted my ability to get another acceptable volunteer at the last minute and I was pissed that I had to. Or had to pay for a photographer because I had made a commitment to the class and I am the kind of person that HONORS my commitments.
Did you seriously think he was going to 'honor' his commitment to photograph the event when you made such a big stink about everything? He's got priorities too and his main one is his wife.

Seriously?

I don't blame him in the least.
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Old 06-01-2017, 04:48 PM
 
87 posts, read 259,650 times
Reputation: 66
Asking him to honor his commitment is making a big stink but inviting someone to someone else's​ event isn't?
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