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Old 05-18-2017, 04:29 PM
 
Location: 🇬🇧 In jolly old London! 🇬🇧
15,672 posts, read 8,402,494 times
Reputation: 12408

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kellyanne29 View Post
Il try and explain without going into too much detail.
We live in U.K.
My friend met a Italian man who had been in country a couple of weeks.
Got pregnant within 2 months.
Fast forward 4 years they together with 3 year old.
5 months ago social services arrived at door and told her that her boyfriend had been arrested.
He has been charged with 12 charges against 4 women (waitresses who he worked with)all 17 and classed as minors.
They are taking it to crown court and the solicitor has said unless he can prove he hasn't did these things he is looking at jail.
Then after jail he will be deported.
Texts on his phone to one girl (claims that it was his friend using his phone)
My friend is going to leave everything behind and move over there (Italy )
She believes he is innocent and the girls are lying etc
I'm worried about her and scared that she's going to ruin her life.
Do I say anything or just let her get on with it?
Yes you say something down to the old pals act and strenuously voice your opinion I would but ultimately it's her choice and unfortunately it's hard to sit back and witness when you believe it's the wrong call but what else can you do?
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Old 05-18-2017, 04:34 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,831 posts, read 70,635,877 times
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I don't understand. You say "fast forward", and they're together w/a 3-year-old. But then you say he's living in Italy, while she's living in UK. You say she's going to move to Italy, but it's Brit court that's prosecuting it, right? I can't follow this story--could you clarify?

Seems to me that if there are multiple complaints against him, it's more likely that there's truth to the accusations.

Why did she get pregnant after knowing the guy just over a month? Did she not use birth control? If not, why not? That seems to reflect on his character, too. (As well as hers, unless the bc failed.)
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Old 05-18-2017, 04:39 PM
 
Location: 🇬🇧 In jolly old London! 🇬🇧
15,672 posts, read 8,402,494 times
Reputation: 12408
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
I don't understand. You say "fast forward", and they're together w/a 3-year-old. But then you say he's living in Italy, while she's living in UK. You say she's going to move to Italy, but it's Brit court that's prosecuting it, right? I can't follow this story--could you clarify?

Seems to me that if there are multiple complaints against him, it's more likely that there's truth to the accusations.

Why did she get pregnant after knowing the guy just over a month? Did she not use birth control? If not, why not? That seems to reflect on his character, too. (As well as hers, unless the bc failed.)
No from what I can tell he's currently in the U.K. but if he is convicted and goes to prison once he's released he will automatically be deported back to italy.

And the OPs friend ( his GF ) will go with him to Italy from the UK as she believes he's innocent regardless if he is convicted or not.

Again from what I can tell
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Old 05-18-2017, 04:44 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,831 posts, read 70,635,877 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Londoncowboy30 View Post
No from what I can tell he's currently in the U.K. but if he is convicted and goes to prison once he's released he will automatically be deported back to italy.

And the OPs friend ( his GF ) will go with him to Italy from the UK as she believes he's innocent regardless if he is convicted or not.

Again from what I can tell
OK, thanks. But his being deported is a LONG way off. The OP makes this sound urgent. I don't see her friend's potential departure as an imminent crisis. It could be years away. First they have to have the trial. (A court date could be 6 months away.) Then there will be a sentence--likely a multi-year one, given that there are several plaintiffs. By the time deportation occurs, it could be 5-10 years hence. I'm not understanding the sense of urgency and hand-wringing, here.

Furthermore, by the time the trial is over, and some kind of proof and testimony have been brought to bear, the friend could see it completely differently, and may change her mind. This fretting seems premature to me.
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Old 05-18-2017, 04:46 PM
 
Location: 🇬🇧 In jolly old London! 🇬🇧
15,672 posts, read 8,402,494 times
Reputation: 12408
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
OK, thanks. But his being deported is a LONG way off. The OP makes this sound urgent. I don't see her friend's departure as an imminent crisis. It could be years away. First they have to have the trial. (A court date could be 6 months away.) Then there will be a sentence--likely a multi-year one, given that there are several plaintiffs. By the time deportation occurs, it could be 5-10 years hence. I'm not understanding the sense of urgency and hand-wringing, here.
As always you're most welcome my love

And yes definitely it's way way off as you rightly said with ^^^^

I'd guess with the sense of urgency it's just a little panic of contemplating that the OP might lose a close friend....Eventually but yeah it's bloody years and years away so I don't get it now.
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Old 05-18-2017, 05:04 PM
 
184 posts, read 218,711 times
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I would tell her:

"Sweety, I am your friend and will be on YOUR side no matter what happens. But you have to think of you and your child first. Even if he isn't guilty, you do not know what could happen. Build your own support and be strong. You and your baby must come first."

This is not about his guilt or innocence. It is about making/keeping her strong and showing her that no matter what happens she does not need him to be complete. It is about her and her child.
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Old 05-18-2017, 05:34 PM
 
Location: Southwestern OH
247 posts, read 192,520 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AlaskaErik View Post
One girl mght be a liar, but when there are four of them, I'm more inclined to believe the boyfriend is the liar.
That's what I'm thinking!

OP, I agree with the poster who said you should voice your concerns, but make sure you focus on her situation as a whole and not whether her boyfriend is guilty of what he's been accused of. You're worried how she'll adjust. You're worried about neither of them having a job right away while trying to support their daughter. Etc etc. Accusing her boyfriend or even expressing doubt in his innocence out loud is probably the fastest way to push her away right now. Have a doubtful tone if you mention the charges, maybe, but don't come right out and tell her you think he did it. She won't believe you anyway, and any chance you had to persuade her to remain in the U.K. for at least a little while longer might be lost. And if you can talk her into not leaving when he does then she might figure out how to move on once there's so much distance between them.
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Old 05-18-2017, 06:31 PM
 
2,063 posts, read 1,306,972 times
Reputation: 10031
I think what I say would depend on if the charges were basically statutory rape ... boyfriend a cheat with not-yet-legal teens... or if he violently assaulted them.

They're both bad, but one is so much more dangerous to the friend's life.
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Old 05-18-2017, 08:03 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,831 posts, read 70,635,877 times
Reputation: 76799
Quote:
Originally Posted by Murk View Post
I think what I say would depend on if the charges were basically statutory rape ... boyfriend a cheat with not-yet-legal teens... or if he violently assaulted them.

They're both bad, but one is so much more dangerous to the friend's life.
Not to mention her little girl's, who may be coming into her teens when the bf gets out of jail, if he's convicted.
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Old 05-18-2017, 08:48 PM
 
5,182 posts, read 2,771,664 times
Reputation: 9499
Italian bill Cosby?
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