U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 05-19-2017, 02:05 AM
 
1,415 posts, read 553,532 times
Reputation: 3134

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kellyanne29 View Post
Il try and explain without going into too much detail.
We live in U.K.
My friend met a Italian man who had been in country a couple of weeks.
Got pregnant within 2 months.
Fast forward 4 years they together with 3 year old.
5 months ago social services arrived at door and told her that her boyfriend had been arrested.
He has been charged with 12 charges against 4 women (waitresses who he worked with)all 17 and classed as minors.
They are taking it to crown court and the solicitor has said unless he can prove he hasn't did these things he is looking at jail.
Then after jail he will be deported.
Texts on his phone to one girl (claims that it was his friend using his phone)
My friend is going to leave everything behind and move over there (Italy )
She believes he is innocent and the girls are lying etc
I'm worried about her and scared that she's going to ruin her life.
Do I say anything or just let her get on with it?
Tell her what you have stated here BUT be prepared for her to NOT want to side with you.Some people can be so blinded and stupid when it comes to their relationships.Obviously she is going to go with him back to his country if he gets deported because she will use the excuse of ..well we have a child together mess.I'm sorry to say but you will lose this friend of yours in the end....so tell her how you feel but it will not make a difference in the end...unless a miracle happens...she's going to leave and follow him over there and of course you and I both know that things will get worse for her BUT oh-well...Let me guess..she doesn't have any friends or family over there in Italy...right?I hope you can talk some sense into her before it's too late.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-19-2017, 07:49 AM
 
3,630 posts, read 7,247,289 times
Reputation: 4874
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kellyanne29 View Post
Il try and explain without going into too much detail.
We live in U.K.
My friend met a Italian man who had been in country a couple of weeks.
Got pregnant within 2 months.
Fast forward 4 years they together with 3 year old.
5 months ago social services arrived at door and told her that her boyfriend had been arrested.
He has been charged with 12 charges against 4 women (waitresses who he worked with)all 17 and classed as minors.
They are taking it to crown court and the solicitor has said unless he can prove he hasn't did these things he is looking at jail.
Then after jail he will be deported.
Texts on his phone to one girl (claims that it was his friend using his phone)
My friend is going to leave everything behind and move over there (Italy )
She believes he is innocent and the girls are lying etc
I'm worried about her and scared that she's going to ruin her life.
Do I say anything or just let her get on with it?
It's too late. She's already ruined her life.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-19-2017, 07:55 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles
12,190 posts, read 10,389,006 times
Reputation: 33244
Say your piece and be done with it. This person is an adult and should make adult decisions. Don't be too optimistic though as she's already made a ton of horrible decisions. At least you can rest knowing you said your opinion.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-19-2017, 08:17 AM
 
Location: Georgia
4,562 posts, read 4,102,921 times
Reputation: 15768
The only thing you can do is express your concern. After that, the decisions are up to her -- she's an adult with a child. You can't make her decisions for her.

It's true that he might be innocent, but your gut feelings are telling you something different, right? You won't push your friend away if you approach it as a caring friend, instead of an indignant one trying to "save" her from herself. Support HER, don't disparage HIM. In fact, stay far away from any discussion of him. Encourage her to attend the trial and hear the evidence against him. Go with her, if you can. People are very good at rationalizing anything when they are scared and angry, but sometimes, hearing it in a court setting, with evidence, etc. laid out unemotionally, can cut through the emotional reaction and shine a light on the truth. Doesn't mean that she can't "love" him, but at least be honest with herself about the kind of man he is and act accordingly.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-19-2017, 08:35 AM
 
708 posts, read 503,673 times
Reputation: 1165
Quote:
Originally Posted by Murk View Post
I think what I say would depend on if the charges were basically statutory rape ... boyfriend a cheat with not-yet-legal teens... or if he violently assaulted them.

They're both bad, but one is so much more dangerous to the friend's life.
Sounds like he maybe in jail a long time if charges are true especially with minors. So she will not have to worry about moving to Italy. I would just be a friend and see how the court case plays out. She will need your support to slowly move away from the guy as she finds out he is going spend significant time in jail.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-19-2017, 10:55 AM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
12,304 posts, read 10,782,389 times
Reputation: 20540
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kellyanne29 View Post
I'm worried if I tell her my concerns it might push her away.
I mean he might be innocent and they might drop charges.
I just have this horrible gut feeling
Push her away? Ummm hello! She's MOVING to ITALY.

She made her bed. She now has to lie in it. Whether or not he did those things, they've become her problem. You can say something, but don't expect anything.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-19-2017, 02:04 PM
 
Location: Raleigh
8,321 posts, read 6,186,432 times
Reputation: 11632
I wouldn't worry about it til he's halfway or 3/4 way through a sentence. Her tune may well change by then.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-20-2017, 06:16 AM
 
264 posts, read 148,025 times
Reputation: 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
I don't understand. You say "fast forward", and they're together w/a 3-year-old. But then you say he's living in Italy, while she's living in UK. You say she's going to move to Italy, but it's Brit court that's prosecuting it, right? I can't follow this story--could you clarify?

Seems to me that if there are multiple complaints against him, it's more likely that there's truth to the accusations.

Why did she get pregnant after knowing the guy just over a month? Did she not use birth control? If not, why not? That seems to reflect on his character, too. (As well as hers, unless the bc failed.)
No he lives in uk.
They might as soon as he moved to England but if he gets sent to prison he will be deported back to Italy and she is going to go with him.
No she didn't use birth control and still doesn't now as he says it's bad for her.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-20-2017, 06:18 AM
 
264 posts, read 148,025 times
Reputation: 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
OK, thanks. But his being deported is a LONG way off. The OP makes this sound urgent. I don't see her friend's potential departure as an imminent crisis. It could be years away. First they have to have the trial. (A court date could be 6 months away.) Then there will be a sentence--likely a multi-year one, given that there are several plaintiffs. By the time deportation occurs, it could be 5-10 years hence. I'm not understanding the sense of urgency and hand-wringing, here.

Furthermore, by the time the trial is over, and some kind of proof and testimony have been brought to bear, the friend could see it completely differently, and may change her mind. This fretting seems premature to me.
My friend is thinking he might only get a years sentence which would be halfed to 6 months.
The magistrates court date is in 4 weeks then after that it gets sent to crown court.
I'm thinking it could be done pretty fast.
She is saying even if he is found innocent and the newspapers write a article naming her she would have to move anyway
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-20-2017, 06:20 AM
 
264 posts, read 148,025 times
Reputation: 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by Murk View Post
I think what I say would depend on if the charges were basically statutory rape ... boyfriend a cheat with not-yet-legal teens... or if he violently assaulted them.

They're both bad, but one is so much more dangerous to the friend's life.
No it wasn't violence or sleeping with them.
But he did do in appropriate things to them and said if they said anything they would get into trouble.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 06:56 AM.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top