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Old 05-20-2017, 06:22 AM
 
Location: 🇬🇧 In jolly old London! 🇬🇧
15,672 posts, read 8,386,724 times
Reputation: 12408

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kellyanne29 View Post
No it wasn't violence or sleeping with them.
But he did do in appropriate things to them and said if they said anything they would get into trouble.
There you go then love he'll get longer a year

Incidentally what newspapers are you talking about? The local rag?
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Old 05-20-2017, 06:23 AM
 
264 posts, read 147,595 times
Reputation: 102
I've had bad feelings about him from the off.
He wouldn't use contraception and told her she would be fine ..then 2 months she's pregnant.
He doesn't let her go out ..if she makes plans to meet me for cinema trip or food he will say she's a bad mother.
So she stays home.
Now he has turned around to her and said he had been texting a girl (who accused him) for his friend ..but the police will probably think it's him.
He is dodgy as ..
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Old 05-20-2017, 06:25 AM
 
264 posts, read 147,595 times
Reputation: 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by Londoncowboy30 View Post
There you go then love he'll get longer a year

Incidentally what newspapers are you talking about? The local rag?
I'm from north and we have a nightly local echo.
They do a court roundup where names are shown end the charge.
In a way I secretly hope he gets a long jail because I think she better off without him.
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Old 05-20-2017, 06:26 AM
 
1,228 posts, read 899,495 times
Reputation: 2510
I'm sure that she's caught up in the idea of standing by her man, helped by her romantic notions of a lovely life in Italy, and his apparent manipulation of her. It doesn't sound like there's much you will be able to do here, other than be a supportive friend when she realizes she needs help. I know it's hard to just stand there and watch, but sometimes that's the best thing. She will be a lot worse off if she goes there thinking nobody back home is going to be there for her down the line.
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Old 05-20-2017, 06:26 AM
 
Location: 🇬🇧 In jolly old London! 🇬🇧
15,672 posts, read 8,386,724 times
Reputation: 12408
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kellyanne29 View Post
I've had bad feelings about him from the off.
He wouldn't use contraception and told her she would be fine ..then 2 months she's pregnant.
He doesn't let her go out ..if she makes plans to meet me for cinema trip or food he will say she's a bad mother.
So she stays home.
Now he has turned around to her and said he had been texting a girl (who accused him) for his friend ..but the police will probably think it's him.
He is dodgy as ..
To be honest yes I'd " have a word " with him if it was a lady friend of mine that was with him BUT that's only if she was unhappy which despite what you've said above she is still with him so....
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Old 05-20-2017, 06:28 AM
 
Location: 🇬🇧 In jolly old London! 🇬🇧
15,672 posts, read 8,386,724 times
Reputation: 12408
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kellyanne29 View Post
I'm from north and we have a nightly local echo.
They do a court roundup where names are shown end the charge.
In a way I secretly hope he gets a long jail because I think she better off without him.
Yeah he sounds a prince my love

Well she won't get named if that's the case
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Old 05-20-2017, 06:53 AM
 
264 posts, read 147,595 times
Reputation: 102
She's started having really bad anxiety attacks lately.
Just hope she will be ok
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Old 05-20-2017, 09:02 AM
 
Location: Southwestern OH
247 posts, read 191,575 times
Reputation: 508
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kellyanne29 View Post
I've had bad feelings about him from the off.
He wouldn't use contraception and told her she would be fine ..then 2 months she's pregnant.
He doesn't let her go out ..if she makes plans to meet me for cinema trip or food he will say she's a bad mother.
So she stays home.
Now he has turned around to her and said he had been texting a girl (who accused him) for his friend ..but the police will probably think it's him.
He is dodgy as ..
He sounds emotionally abusive and possessive at the very least, and those types can prove to be pretty dangerous if the person they're romantically involved with tries to leave them. She may be fearful that his anger will turn into physical abuse. He's probably also brainwashing her into believing he's the only one she can rely on while he's pushing the idea that if she did anything away from the house then she's a "bad mother."

Unfortunately it sounds like your friend isn't likely to drop this guy any time soon. Some women wake up to what these men are doing and leave. Others seem to be incapable of that and, at the very least, honestly believe what they're being told day in and day out about their own worth.

Good luck to your friend. I think the only thing you can do here is to love her and be there for her if she ever wakes up. That type usually can't be convinced that their relationship is dysfunctional or wrong in any way. They convince themselves that the other person is so possessive and overprotective (and critical, usually) because they love them and want them to be a better person.
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Old 05-20-2017, 02:57 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,561 posts, read 70,455,727 times
Reputation: 76537
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kellyanne29 View Post
I've had bad feelings about him from the off.
He wouldn't use contraception and told her she would be fine ..then 2 months she's pregnant.
He doesn't let her go out ..if she makes plans to meet me for cinema trip or food he will say she's a bad mother.
So she stays home.
Now he has turned around to her and said he had been texting a girl (who accused him) for his friend ..but the police will probably think it's him.
He is dodgy as ..
Thank you for explaining that, finally, OP. Why did she go along with that? That's a sign of a potentially abusive partner. Does she rarely get male attention, is that why she went with him, in spite of his obvious disregard for her well being? Does she have self-esteem issues? It's starting to sound like it. Did you try to talk to her about this, back in the beginning, when you first heard she wasn't using bc? Or did you not know until the pregnancy occurred? Have you spoken to her at all about the signs of an abuser--the manipulation and accusations of being a bad mother? (I mean before he got in legal trouble.) It seems there were several points when you could have tried to point out serious issues with this guy. At this point, the horse has left the barn, but you could still try. She sounds sadly needy, and lacking in self-esteem.
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Old 05-20-2017, 02:58 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,561 posts, read 70,455,727 times
Reputation: 76537
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kellyanne29 View Post
She's started having really bad anxiety attacks lately.
Just hope she will be ok
Anxiety attacks about what? Do you know what she's anxious about? We need more information. Frankly, I think she needs counseling/therapy, but she likely wouldn't take well to that suggestion.
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