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Old 05-23-2017, 02:33 PM
 
Location: San Diego
1,146 posts, read 420,679 times
Reputation: 2473

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Quote:
Originally Posted by xxblue20 View Post
Yes, I am sure. How dare you ask me to cancel.
How dare YOU get on a message board asking for opinions you dont like. Continue with your current behavior.
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Old 05-23-2017, 07:34 PM
 
361 posts, read 208,245 times
Reputation: 206
Well, tonight when I was in my summer course, he texted me 3 times and Facebook messaged me once (I wasn't replying since I was in class) and his girlfriend texted me twice asking if I was busy. They forgot I was in class, but hopefully we'll be meeting later this week.
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Old 05-23-2017, 07:51 PM
 
3,251 posts, read 1,534,004 times
Reputation: 3577
Don't reply, get in touch later in the week, if you choose. I bet he's going to ask you why you didn't answer.
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Old 05-23-2017, 07:52 PM
 
361 posts, read 208,245 times
Reputation: 206
Quote:
Originally Posted by kapikap View Post
Don't reply, get in touch later in the week, if you choose. I bet he's going to ask you why you didn't answer.
No, I replied, "Sorry I didn't answer. I was in class and then I'm just gonna head home." And he replied, "Oh ok, sorry. I remember you told me you were taking a summer course, I just forgot it was tonight." And that was it.
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Old 05-23-2017, 09:37 PM
 
3,460 posts, read 2,186,126 times
Reputation: 6130
Quote:
Originally Posted by xxblue20 View Post
I have just gotten home from college about a week ago, and I have a friend I used to work with who asks me to hang out with him and his girlfriend every single day. I go most days because they are fun people and I genuinely love hanging out with them, and we are going on a cruise in July, but when I either can't or don't want to go, he continues to persist until I either give in or stop answering. For example, this was the conversation last night.
Him: Are you busy tonight?
Me: Yeah I am, sorry.
Him: What are you doing?
Me: Hanging out with John (my friend from high school).
Him: What time and for how long?
Me: Pretty soon and until 11 because he has to get up at 5 tomorrow). I was lying here so he wouldn't persist).
Him: Why don't we all hang out later then?
Me: We can't because John has to get up early.
Him: You're hanging with him until 11. Why can't we hang out with you also?
Me: Because his parents want us to stay home.
Him: Ok.
He does this all other days too that I can't or don't want to hang out. It doesn't matter if I have plans already. He just insists that I meet up with him and his girlfriend (who I am also friends with) either before or after the other event, no matter how early or late it is. To make matters worse, he was about to text me again last night to hang out after I left my other friend's house at 11, but his girlfriend told him to leave me alone. At that point I would've shut my phone off. Is there any way I can approach this with him if it happens again (which I'm sure it will), or should I just not answer when I can't or don't want to hang out. I don't want to hang out with him and his girlfriend, or any person, every single day. I'd just get tired of it. He is very sensitive as well. And part of the reason I haven't said anything yet is because I like having the option if I do want to go.
After the above bolded was asked I would have stopped communicating with him about it. Because it is rude to ask that and none of his business.
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Old 05-23-2017, 09:51 PM
 
Location: Midwest
4,231 posts, read 7,121,464 times
Reputation: 7087
Quote:
Originally Posted by xxblue20 View Post
He happens to know the friend I was with last night, and my friend from last night and I have hung out with him and his girlfriend in the past and all get along. However, I had just seen them two nights before, and I really wanted to be alone with John (the friend last night) this time. But even if I was hanging out with another friend or family that he didn't know, he'd still want to know what time I would be done and ask me to meet him afterwards. It's frustrating, because I consider him a very good friend besides this.
Either explain to him about BOUNDARIES or give him a book or send him a couple of articles via the Magical Internet.

You may call this person a friend. It sounds like there's a good deal of pest there too, or maybe spoiled child.

As Nancy Reagan said, "Just say 'no!'!"
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Old 05-24-2017, 05:45 AM
 
16,025 posts, read 19,604,450 times
Reputation: 26195
Quote:
Originally Posted by xxblue20 View Post
He happens to know the friend I was with last night, and my friend from last night and I have hung out with him and his girlfriend in the past and all get along. However, I had just seen them two nights before, and I really wanted to be alone with John (the friend last night) this time. But even if I was hanging out with another friend or family that he didn't know, he'd still want to know what time I would be done and ask me to meet him afterwards. It's frustrating, because I consider him a very good friend besides this.
OP, You have to explore why you are afraid to say No. This is your issue as much as his. You are allowing him to control you.

I left a link for you below....You may want to research why you can't say No, online.....it will help you. Do it before you come to resent this friend who seems to have total control over you.

Personally, I'd be less inclined to hang out with someone so pushy. For me that is a red flag in any relationship.

If I were you, I'd spend my free time as I choose, and not let someone constantly make demands on my time, and constantly command me to do as they want. Because that is what you are allowing this guy to do.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/arti...ou-cant-say-no
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Old 05-24-2017, 05:50 AM
 
16,025 posts, read 19,604,450 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by silibran View Post
I think I'd not answer at first. There are a million reasons why you might not see a text. So, simply ignore.

Or you could say no, and then not answer. I'd recommend turning off your phone if you are sure you won't want to use it for awhile.

You are going on a cruise together later so I do think it is good to maintain good relations with this couple. But I wonder if this guy is unusually controlling? Of is it possible he has a secret thing for you? It is odd that he persists when told no. It is also odd that he would want to persist.

I'd watch it with him and I would not get into a situation where you and he are alone. His behavior is troubling.
Oh, Holy Buckets.....I cannot imagine being stuck at sea with someone who is this demanding. OP.....You may want to rethink this cruise, seriously.
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Old 05-24-2017, 10:51 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,162 posts, read 70,090,509 times
Reputation: 75982
I wonder if this whole thing could be resolved fairly casually and jovially. The OP isn't speaking up and drawing boundaries, because he doesn't want to offend or hurt his friend, whose company he does enjoy.

But with the right approach, his friend wouldn't be hurt. Perhaps if the OP approached his friend with an upbeat tone, and opened with something like, "Hey, man, you know we're good buddies, right?", and went on to say he enjoys spending time w/his friend, but sometimes he just needs some space. He gets a little overwhelmed with all the calling, the daily requests to hang out. A few times/week is great, "let's just keep it at that", or some kind of cheerful closure, or a joke, whatever, keeping it upbeat. Possibly with some reassurance that they're still friends, while asserting the need for space, and for time for other pursuits, the friend would get the message? It wouldn't have to be done in a confrontational manner.

Odd that his friend is so needy, considering that he has a girlfriend.
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Old 05-24-2017, 01:15 PM
 
8,080 posts, read 13,431,892 times
Reputation: 10322
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dwatted Wabbit View Post
Either explain to him about BOUNDARIES or give him a book or send him a couple of articles via the Magical Internet.

You may call this person a friend. It sounds like there's a good deal of pest there too, or maybe spoiled child.

As Nancy Reagan said, "Just say 'no!'!"
The one that needs boundaries is the OP.
The friend is called a "boundary buster" and explaining boundaries will do no good.
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