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Old 05-21-2017, 05:24 PM
 
Location: USA
2,617 posts, read 2,006,500 times
Reputation: 4285

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I figured it was better than bottling up my feelings since I've read that's not healthy. Bottling up my feelings is usually what I do to avoid talking it out. I was trying to explain to my mom that I was feeling hurt, sad & lonely because my sister doesn't include me sometimes when going out with my sister in law or friends. I had talked to my sister about it and she was full of excuses. My mom started yelling at me that I was being childish and immature. And not to drag her in the middle of it. My family doesn't understand me what it's like to sometimes feel excluded from the family and being moderately Deaf in a small town is isolating.

I swear sometimes my mom is a narcissist. As I brought up my problem of feeling lonely and sad, she started making it about herself that she also feels the same way which had never came up before in a conversation.
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Old 05-21-2017, 05:35 PM
 
12 posts, read 8,398 times
Reputation: 50
I am so sorry to read that this bad behavior is coming from your mom. I have NO excuses for her but my explanation of her behavior is that she OBVIOUSLY is clueless about the best way to handle seeing her daughter feeling anything other than happy. I hope that you seek out counselor and explore your feelings there with someone who is better at listening.

*hugs*

P.s. Also when I moved to a new city a few years ago and I was feeling blue, I found it helpful to do a bit of volunteering. I picked a shelter where the dogs were feeling about as lonely as I was. You stated that you have a hearing impairment. Is there a school that would allow you to mentor other children that might face the same issues? You didn't say how old you are so it could be that these ideas are not options and if not, please accept my apologies. I know that this isn't a one sized fits all solution but I do believe that by finding a way to help someone else or devote time to a cause that you love, you will have less time to miss your sister's excuses. You are not wrong to feel how you feel but do something different with the emotions since talking to them is obviously of very little value!
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Old 05-21-2017, 07:06 PM
 
Location: USA
2,617 posts, read 2,006,500 times
Reputation: 4285
Quote:
Originally Posted by 4janeydoe View Post
I am so sorry to read that this bad behavior is coming from your mom. I have NO excuses for her but my explanation of her behavior is that she OBVIOUSLY is clueless about the best way to handle seeing her daughter feeling anything other than happy. I hope that you seek out counselor and explore your feelings there with someone who is better at listening.

*hugs*

P.s. Also when I moved to a new city a few years ago and I was feeling blue, I found it helpful to do a bit of volunteering. I picked a shelter where the dogs were feeling about as lonely as I was. You stated that you have a hearing impairment. Is there a school that would allow you to mentor other children that might face the same issues? You didn't say how old you are so it could be that these ideas are not options and if not, please accept my apologies. I know that this isn't a one sized fits all solution but I do believe that by finding a way to help someone else or devote time to a cause that you love, you will have less time to miss your sister's excuses. You are not wrong to feel how you feel but do something different with the emotions since talking to them is obviously of very little value!
I do have one friend, we understand each other and hang out a lot. I'm in my 30's. I have no interest in working with children. I kinda like expressing myself through art and found these postcards to color to send out to people I know
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Old 05-21-2017, 08:25 PM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
31,273 posts, read 19,739,850 times
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Do you really want to go out with people who don't seem to want you with them? I'm sorry, because I'm sure it hurts.

Do you know why?
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Old 05-22-2017, 01:16 AM
 
3,092 posts, read 2,180,623 times
Reputation: 5175
OP, I empathize with you, but take it from me - I've been in your position and it's a proven scientific fact that the best tools you can use to resolve this is your feet. That's right, you read correctly - your feet!

By that I mean if you don't feel welcomed, or included, walk away, and don't look back! Leave your sister to do her thing, and you find your own group to do things with. Volunteer, join a social group, make some new friends. Find something to do that you enjoy, without the burdens of your sister or your mom.

Speaking of, I'm sorry, but your mom was out of line for yelling at you. I'd have given her the "what for", but that's just me.
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Old 05-22-2017, 05:02 AM
 
Location: USA
2,617 posts, read 2,006,500 times
Reputation: 4285
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
Do you really want to go out with people who don't seem to want you with them? I'm sorry, because I'm sure it hurts.

Do you know why?
Yes, it does hurt tremendously. It's better than being alone in my home and I feel happier when I take focus off of myself.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ItsRick24 View Post
OP, I empathize with you, but take it from me - I've been in your position and it's a proven scientific fact that the best tools you can use to resolve this is your feet. That's right, you read correctly - your feet!

By that I mean if you don't feel welcomed, or included, walk away, and don't look back! Leave your sister to do her thing, and you find your own group to do things with. Volunteer, join a social group, make some new friends. Find something to do that you enjoy, without the burdens of your sister or your mom.

Speaking of, I'm sorry, but your mom was out of line for yelling at you. I'd have given her the "what for", but that's just me.
I really didn't understand why she had to yell at me the way she did when talking about my problem. She doesn't deal with conflict well obviously and sees it as a weakness when I expressed my feelings of sadness & loneliness. My mom even yelled stating she doesn't want me and my sister acting like "children" and acted like its my fault that when my sister excludes me
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Old 05-22-2017, 05:35 AM
 
1,653 posts, read 809,371 times
Reputation: 2761
Your mom has no clue. And it's a shame because women (mothers) are supposed to show more empathy and the understanding of feelings. My advice is to press on and find other people to hang out with.
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Old 05-22-2017, 05:58 AM
 
1,585 posts, read 1,413,739 times
Reputation: 4934
Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyFarm34 View Post
I figured it was better than bottling up my feelings since I've read that's not healthy. Bottling up my feelings is usually what I do to avoid talking it out. I was trying to explain to my mom that I was feeling hurt, sad & lonely because my sister doesn't include me sometimes when going out with my sister in law or friends. I had talked to my sister about it and she was full of excuses. My mom started yelling at me that I was being childish and immature. And not to drag her in the middle of it. My family doesn't understand me what it's like to sometimes feel excluded from the family and being moderately Deaf in a small town is isolating.

I swear sometimes my mom is a narcissist. As I brought up my problem of feeling lonely and sad, she started making it about herself that she also feels the same way which had never came up before in a conversation.
How old are you? I ask because if you are an adult, I agree don't drag your mom into why you and your sister don't get along, just deal with it. Sometimes adults don't get along, that goes double for family. Your mother does not want to and should not have to play match-maker between adult daughters.

As for being narcissistic, I wonder if she would say the same about you. You brought up an issue, she tried to relate, yet you wanted it all to be about you.

I believe this is not the one-way street you are making it out to be.
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Old 05-22-2017, 07:12 AM
 
3,231 posts, read 1,522,126 times
Reputation: 3569
I would suggest you try to create your own world. Invite who you want to be around you, find your own friends. hanging around with your sister is not going to be forever. siblings get married, and move on. Don't let being deaf stop you from enjoying life.
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Old 05-22-2017, 07:33 AM
 
7,356 posts, read 13,173,380 times
Reputation: 8906
Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyFarm34 View Post

I really didn't understand why she had to yell at me the way she did when talking about my problem. She doesn't deal with conflict well obviously and sees it as a weakness when I expressed my feelings of sadness & loneliness. My mom even yelled stating she doesn't want me and my sister acting like "children" and acted like its my fault that when my sister excludes me
But given to what you've said about your mother, this behavior is consistent. At some point, you're going to have to take responsibility for unreasonable expectations. Why expect any different?

Tons of Deaf people know very well of this alienation within hearing families. Almost all of us been through it, we get it. You should move and create your own inclusive community.
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