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Old 05-24-2017, 10:56 AM
 
Location: South Carolina
14,785 posts, read 23,976,028 times
Reputation: 27091

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My youngest brothers wife is a piece of work . She went to school on loans not thinking or knowing she would have to pay them back , she swears she does not have to pay them back . I'm not aware of any kind of school loan you don't have to pay back . She has a health counselor degree now suposidly , none of us have seen it . Now she has put my brother in some financial difficulties and he works his butt off . Now she is selling some kind of vitamin crap and telling me its only 40 dollars a bottle . She is putting this all over her fb page and also trying to sell to family and friends . She has tried to put the bite on all the relatives and not one of us has bought any of it because frankly we cant afford it and really neither can she . I know how this is going to end up she will not hardly sell any and then my brother will have to end up paying for the supply she has gotten . My brother has said he does not know what do with her ? she does this kind of stuff all the time . For goodness sake she is in her 40s you would think by now she would have learned not to do this stuff but no she carries on . My brother has said he mention marriage counseling and she told him no there is nothing wrong in our marriage , I guess she does not see him stressed all the time over bills and getting notices in the mail for things she owes . Maybe I am wrong but he asked me what I would do ? I told him there is no other choice he has to file for divorce and let her go her own way . If she ends up destitute that is on her . I'm sorry this is so long . I don't know what else I can say since she has refused marriage counseling .I love my brother and seeing him going through this makes me crazy but this is all the advice I will give him if he does nothing then I don't want to hear anymore about this situation .
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Old 05-24-2017, 11:00 AM
 
Location: Pennsylvania
1,659 posts, read 1,650,333 times
Reputation: 6149
Unfortunately it's not up to you. He needs to decide when he's had enough. It's tough watching someone you care about being used but until he decides to do something about there's not much you can do.
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Old 05-24-2017, 11:53 AM
 
Location: 🇬🇧 In jolly old London! 🇬🇧
15,675 posts, read 11,466,053 times
Reputation: 12547
^^^^

OP you can only do so much and you've given your opinion but it's his choice unfortunately.

I know it's annoying to watch and especially as love can make you blind to many truths ( which I suspect with him ) but all you can do is keep being there should he need it.

I apologise as I wished I had a better answer and a solution where you can do more
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Old 05-24-2017, 11:56 AM
 
Location: planet earth
8,620 posts, read 5,599,000 times
Reputation: 19638
Wow . . . crazy that you advised divorce - that's going a little far, don't you think?

No one can control other people.

Some good advise might have been to get into counseling, see a financial advisor, etc.

Sounds like you have some resentment towards her, that maybe you should work on - she is your sister-in-law.
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Old 05-24-2017, 12:22 PM
 
17,815 posts, read 25,533,178 times
Reputation: 36262
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
Wow . . . crazy that you advised divorce - that's going a little far, don't you think?

No one can control other people.

Some good advise might have been to get into counseling, see a financial advisor, etc.

Sounds like you have some resentment towards her, that maybe you should work on - she is your sister-in-law.
Exactly, and the debt she has rung up occured during the marraige. So the OP's brother is most likely on the hook for those debts as well, I guess it depends on the state.
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Old 05-24-2017, 12:42 PM
 
Location: Raleigh, North Carolina
2,148 posts, read 1,686,311 times
Reputation: 4186
Are you sure she had student loans and not a grant?

Yeah, the 'Amway' style of business is not a great model if you want to keep your family and friends, but that's a different topic in a forum far, far away. Sounds like she doesn't have many workable options for a career, so at least she is trying to do something. You'd have to give her credit for that.

If your brother wants help, he has to start with himself. Asking his wife to go to marriage counseling sounds like an idea someone else in the family had and passed to him, as his execution appears to be a little lacking. It might be a better idea to visit a financial counselor and see if they can spell out the consequences of their choices a little better. They both need a wake-up call.
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Old 05-24-2017, 12:46 PM
 
16,715 posts, read 19,319,062 times
Reputation: 41481
Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61 View Post
Maybe I am wrong but he asked me what I would do ? I told him there is no other choice he has to file for divorce and let her go her own way . If she ends up destitute that is on her . I'm sorry this is so long . I don't know what else I can say since she has refused marriage counseling .I love my brother and seeing him going through this makes me crazy but this is all the advice I will give him if he does nothing then I don't want to hear anymore about this situation .
Then tell him precisely that.
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Old 05-24-2017, 01:03 PM
 
Location: South Carolina
14,785 posts, read 23,976,028 times
Reputation: 27091
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
Wow . . . crazy that you advised divorce - that's going a little far, don't you think?

No one can control other people.

Some good advise might have been to get into counseling, see a financial advisor, etc.

Sounds like you have some resentment towards her, that maybe you should work on - she is your sister-in-law.

I'm sorry did you miss the part where she said she would not go to counseling ? so that was already suggested and no I don't have resentment I'm just tired of her crap coming back to haunt my brother . No I don't think divorce is going too far she has done other things that I wont mention on here .
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Old 05-24-2017, 01:20 PM
 
12,003 posts, read 11,819,746 times
Reputation: 22681
Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61 View Post
I'm sorry did you miss the part where she said she would not go to counseling ? so that was already suggested and no I don't have resentment I'm just tired of her crap coming back to haunt my brother . No I don't think divorce is going too far she has done other things that I wont mention on here .
Would your brother go to counseling by himself? I think that was what the other poster was suggesting.

As frustrating as it is to witness this shambles, it is ultimately up to your brother to decide what, if anything, to do. Seeing a counselor by himself would be a good step towards that.

He might also write down a simple "plus-minus" list, if he is unsure of what to do. Sometimes that can help clarify the issues.

Doss your brother have any children with his wife, or by a previous marriage or relationship? I hope not. If so, try to be a good, attentive aunt to them.

Otherwise, suggest that your brother see a counselor - for his own sake - and also try the "plus-minus" exercise. That's about all you can do, other than continue to be supportive of him, regardless of what decision he reaches or fails to reach. As for the rest - frustrating as it is to observe - there is nothing you can do about it.
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Old 05-24-2017, 01:54 PM
 
13,262 posts, read 7,949,360 times
Reputation: 30752
How about suggesting to your brother that he get a checking account in his own name, so she doesn't have access to it. If she can't get to his funds, she can't bleed him dry.
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