U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 05-28-2017, 07:50 PM
 
Location: Arizona
5,940 posts, read 5,297,242 times
Reputation: 17897

Advertisements

Most people are not extroverts on introverts. As with most labels they are usually wrong. They are held onto by people wanting to use them as an excuse for why they are the way they are and others are they way they are.

Friendship happens naturally. It doesn't require energy and not always a lot of time. Like minded people usually find each other.

Looks, money, and status usually don't enter into it. Most places I go are a mix of people from different backgrounds and income levels. It's always been that way for me. Some of my friends can buy and sell me several times over and others can't always afford to go to lunch as often as others. It doesn't really affect friendship.

Back to the OP. People with lots of friends are usually confident. They walk into a room like they own the place. They will talk to the first person they see and then work the room. They remember people and their names and their situations. Being friendly, having a memory, and caring about people doesn't make you any kind of vert. It makes you normal, what most people look for in a friendship.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-28-2017, 08:30 PM
 
247 posts, read 166,438 times
Reputation: 906
Quote:
Originally Posted by thinkalot View Post
Most people are not extroverts on introverts. As with most labels they are usually wrong. They are held onto by people wanting to use them as an excuse for why they are the way they are and others are they way they are.

Friendship happens naturally. It doesn't require energy and not always a lot of time. Like minded people usually find each other.

Looks, money, and status usually don't enter into it. Most places I go are a mix of people from different backgrounds and income levels. It's always been that way for me. Some of my friends can buy and sell me several times over and others can't always afford to go to lunch as often as others. It doesn't really affect friendship.

Back to the OP. People with lots of friends are usually confident. They walk into a room like they own the place. They will talk to the first person they see and then work the room. They remember people and their names and their situations. Being friendly, having a memory, and caring about people doesn't make you any kind of vert. It makes you normal, what most people look for in a friendship.
First, there is no such thing as "normal". There is such a thing as "more commonly occurring". "Normal" implies if you aren't that way, you are defective. Working a room is not what I look for in a friend. The person you describe sounds shallow frankly.

If you want a pack of friends, join an activity which builds bonds within a group. Rowing, quilting, praying, helping the needy, just pick something that groups participate in and that you'd like to do. Then, be friendly, and interested in others. Be helpful and cheerful.

An ugly untalented, humble spinster at my church just celebrated her 90th birthday. More than 100 people came to her party at the parish hall. Songs, composed in her honor, were sung. Someone made her a corsage, and others volunteered to bake her a cake, and decorate the tables, and many other things. Why? Because she was loyal, dedicated, kind, thoughtful, and endlessly looking for ways to help others. She was selfless. She visited the sick, fed the hungry, organized what needed to be organized, welcomed new people, and talked tough to people who needed a talking-to. She is universally loved. I am sure she never has once thought, "what do I need to do to make more friends?" Because she wasn't thinking of herself, but about others.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-28-2017, 08:51 PM
 
Location: Boston
3,732 posts, read 1,469,827 times
Reputation: 5802
Quote:
Originally Posted by mej210390 View Post
The question says it all, what factors and reasons are of some having more friends that others?
My friend has 5K friends on facebook, I have about 12.
I've got more real friends.
Your real friends can be counted on one hand.
I forgot the question..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-28-2017, 09:08 PM
 
Location: Southern California
23,691 posts, read 8,235,451 times
Reputation: 15456
Oh that facebook stuff, 5K friends, those are not friends. They are online people just like C-D "friends". I never jumped on FB, don't need or want that world. So much pressure to have friends. geeeeeeezzzzz
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-29-2017, 08:15 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
10,281 posts, read 4,859,674 times
Reputation: 21666
Some people don't want to have a lot of friends. I am an independent person who is happy being alone, doing my own thing. I have 2 friends and they are both snowbirds so it works out good for me.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-29-2017, 08:37 AM
 
Location: East Coast of the United States
17,235 posts, read 19,531,226 times
Reputation: 12986
Quote:
Originally Posted by mej210390 View Post
The question says it all, what factors and reasons are of some having more friends that others?
I think that some people treat having friends like it's a hobby.

I also think it's just not in the cards for some people to have that many friends no matter how hard they try.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-29-2017, 08:57 AM
 
17,002 posts, read 20,668,960 times
Reputation: 33987
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jowel View Post
There is also the quality vs. quantity issue.

A person may have a wide circle of many friends, and while they may feel some genuine kinship with these people, they are inevitably stretched thinner with how much time and energy they can truly dedicate to each friend. Even the most thoughtful, time efficient person is going to have difficulty investing lots of time in each of their 100+ "close" friends. A mile wide, but an inch deep. Not that these people aren't good people who genuinely care about the people in this wide circle of friends (probably more accurately described as "affable acquaintance-ship" relationships), but this person's closest 100 friends can't set their expectations too high that they are going to get lots of person attention, and if they get too needy they're likely to get brushed off.

A person with a few (perhaps 2-5) very close friendships is going to be able to invest the time and energy into those friendships that the person with 100+ simply isn't. They are also going to be more selective and perhaps reclusive about who they chose to spend time with and only take on those friendships with people that they feel a lot in common with, or are super comfortable being around.
Excellent comments.

Many today throw the word "friend" around very loosely.

You see threads on here all the time about someone complaining about their friend, it turns out it is someone they have known 2 months.

They don't know the difference between friendships and acquaintances.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-29-2017, 09:22 AM
 
22 posts, read 17,392 times
Reputation: 77
Real friends seem few and far between. People seem weird now. They will leave silent gaps for months and months and expect you to deal with it!

My son has no idea what "real friends are." He's 19 and disabled (slightly behind).

We have mutual friends (a mother and her son) who we saw nearly every week (changing off houses so the kids could play games while we hung out). We both home school(ed).

But it was always at their pleasure. If her son had something better to do (a concert, a school event, a better invite) they would say see you next week. He never asked my son along. They would do home school events and never ask us along. We only live up the road.

My husband said we were fools to put up with it. I try to be live and let live but lately I'm tired of that sort of cavalier attitude.

This winter they flaked on us for months. Not a word. Not an email. Even though I emailed her several times and expressed my willingness to help her when she went in the hospital for a minor operation. I just gave up trying to initiate anything.

Well, now I have become the flake and we don't invite them anymore. I think being alone is better than being a friend by convenience.

People seem to prefer to be cyber-friends.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-29-2017, 10:06 AM
 
7,378 posts, read 11,546,048 times
Reputation: 8182
Quote:
Originally Posted by ErinandPeteNast View Post
Real friends seem few and far between. People seem weird now. They will leave silent gaps for months and months and expect you to deal with it!

My son has no idea what "real friends are." He's 19 and disabled (slightly behind).

We have mutual friends (a mother and her son) who we saw nearly every week (changing off houses so the kids could play games while we hung out). We both home school(ed).

But it was always at their pleasure. If her son had something better to do (a concert, a school event, a better invite) they would say see you next week. He never asked my son along. They would do home school events and never ask us along. We only live up the road.

My husband said we were fools to put up with it. I try to be live and let live but lately I'm tired of that sort of cavalier attitude.

This winter they flaked on us for months. Not a word. Not an email. Even though I emailed her several times and expressed my willingness to help her when she went in the hospital for a minor operation. I just gave up trying to initiate anything.

Well, now I have become the flake and we don't invite them anymore. I think being alone is better than being a friend by convenience.

People seem to prefer to be cyber-friends.
I'll tell you one thing.

One of the ways to make a lot of friends is to look the other way when your friends 'slight' you. That's something I cannot always do, but am getting better at.

I would even go as far as to say people who have a lot of friends are typically way more flakey, because they need to maintain several, several friendships at one time.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-29-2017, 10:20 AM
 
7,378 posts, read 11,546,048 times
Reputation: 8182
I would also go as far as to say most people who are prodigious posters on CD forum, over 5,000 posts (ahem ) probably don't have a lot of friends.

The time spent on here could be spent on the phone or on Facebook maintaining real friendships and posting pictures of what you did over the weekend.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top