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Old 05-30-2017, 08:45 AM
 
Location: 🇬🇧 In jolly old London! 🇬🇧
15,672 posts, read 8,409,599 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnOrdinaryCitizen View Post
Londoncowboy30 is right.

I learned that British's spelling for the word above is favour, and American is favor. Here's the link: https://www.spellzone.com/pages/british-american.cfm

And Canadian is more like British.
Best link I've seen on it cheers mate
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Old 05-30-2017, 08:59 AM
 
6,662 posts, read 2,396,792 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brocco View Post
I don't have that many friends and I know why... I often choose to be alone rather than hanging out with other people. I get invited to do things but then after enough rejections people stop inviting me. A lot of this is due to my history with addiction rather than an expression of my genuine desires but that is a topic for another day. I am glad to call that my past and not my present.

My social life is evolving as I get older and learn more about myself. I am more social than I had thought, but at the same time I do need some alone time each day so I can't see myself ever being one of those social butterfly types. I feel overwhelmed when I have a lot of social events on my calendar. On the flip side of the coin I start to feel down when I've spent too much time alone. It is a delicate balance.

When I want to make friends I try to ask people questions about themselves, remember their stories, and complement them in a genuine way. I don't share enough about myself which I am working on.

JUST this morning, I read an article about the introverted extrovert.


12 signs you're an extroverted introvert | Stuff.co.nz




Sounds like it might describe you very well.
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Old 05-30-2017, 10:12 AM
 
Location: Pennsylvania
1,653 posts, read 1,233,843 times
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Okay, I understand some of the reasons people have more friends than others, usually because of their gregarious personality or charisma, but looks? Why would that matter? You mean to say less attractive people have less friends specifically because of their looks? That's pretty shallow, isn't it? If people choose superficial reasons for friendships does that mean their friendships are superficial as well?
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Old 05-30-2017, 10:30 AM
 
7,265 posts, read 8,662,455 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 1986pacecar View Post
Okay, I understand some of the reasons people have more friends than others, usually because of their gregarious personality or charisma, but looks? Why would that matter? You mean to say less attractive people have less friends specifically because of their looks? That's pretty shallow, isn't it? If people choose superficial reasons for friendships does that mean their friendships are superficial as well?

No those aren't "friends." Those are "acquaintances." And there's a big difference.
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Old 05-30-2017, 10:33 AM
 
Location: Prescott Arizona
1,651 posts, read 713,365 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mej210390 View Post
The question says it all, what factors and reasons are of some having more friends that others?
Most people tend to have as many friends as they want. Some people like having lots of friends, while some people prefer just to have a circle of close friends. I would think it's only a small minority of people that can't make friends. Reasons for that could be endless.
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Old 05-30-2017, 10:33 AM
 
6,662 posts, read 2,396,792 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 1986pacecar View Post
Okay, I understand some of the reasons people have more friends than others, usually because of their gregarious personality or charisma, but looks? Why would that matter? You mean to say less attractive people have less friends specifically because of their looks? That's pretty shallow, isn't it? If people choose superficial reasons for friendships does that mean their friendships are superficial as well?

I think it's a little deeper than that.


If YOU'RE the person who feels unattractive, you (you in the general sense) tend to slump around, avoiding eye contact, and not smiling. Eye contact and smiling are one of the biggest things that attract people and says "I'm friendly and approachable."


On any given day, I go between feeling like I'm the cat's meow, to dog poop on someone's shoe. A lot depends on the colors I wear, and just how comfortable I'm feeling in my skin that day. On the days I feel butt ugly, I don't want to attract attention to myself, and assume no one else wants my attention anyway. It's a mind thing.


Other days, I know I'm smoking. LOL I've got the right colors on, everything is on point, my hair dried nice, etc. It's all a mental thing. Self confidence, etc.
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Old 05-30-2017, 10:46 AM
 
Location: San Diego, CA
3,519 posts, read 4,844,288 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mkforu View Post
Extroverted people are more sociable but introverted people like more alone time.
It's not as simple as that, though. I'm a social introvert. Most people would consider me a very social/popular-type person- I spend lots of time with friends in one-on-one or small group settings, and I have quite a few good friends whom I've known for at least a decade (many of them several decades) that I see really frequently. But I also live alone and very, VERY much prefer it that way, do lots of things by myself because I *like* to (Solo road trips and travel, etc) and need alone/quiet recharge time in my home/sanctuary on the regular.

An old therapist explained it this way: If being around other people recharges your batteries, you're an extrovert. If being around people drains your batteries and you need alone time to recharge them, you're an introvert.
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Old 05-30-2017, 11:37 AM
 
3,672 posts, read 6,069,157 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy View Post
I think it's a little deeper than that.


If YOU'RE the person who feels unattractive, you (you in the general sense) tend to slump around, avoiding eye contact, and not smiling. Eye contact and smiling are one of the biggest things that attract people and says "I'm friendly and approachable."


On any given day, I go between feeling like I'm the cat's meow, to dog poop on someone's shoe. A lot depends on the colors I wear, and just how comfortable I'm feeling in my skin that day. On the days I feel butt ugly, I don't want to attract attention to myself, and assume no one else wants my attention anyway. It's a mind thing.


Other days, I know I'm smoking. LOL I've got the right colors on, everything is on point, my hair dried nice, etc. It's all a mental thing. Self confidence, etc.
Yea I think one's mindset has a lot to do with it. Something as simple as smiling often can make a difference. I had a chipped tooth for years that I had refused to get fixed (among other dental issues). I wouldn't smile often because of my teeth. After I finally fixed my teeth I started smiling more and I noticed a definite change in the way other people treat me. I am more confident, too, which makes a big difference. People are more inclined to talk to me now.
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Old 05-30-2017, 07:09 PM
 
4,364 posts, read 3,242,823 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eureka1 View Post
They try harder.
^^^^ This, in a nutshell.
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Old 06-01-2017, 05:00 PM
 
212 posts, read 98,003 times
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I can only speak for myself on this. I've had a number of friends throughout the years but overtime, just grew apart and like with what some of you said, I would always come up with a reason why I didn't want to do something. Sometimes it was just because what they wanted to do didn't interest me, I was to lazy to make an effort in actually going, I didn't want to chit chat, or I just wanted to be alone. I've also cut friends out of my life for various different reasons. While I look like a cheery, happy person (I think I give the appearance of being social) I'm just not that social. I feel like with working in a high stress setting with listening nonstop, I just don't want to have to be around more people. I only have a couple of friends left and we never see each other (live a couple of hours away from each other). I know it may make me seem messed up, but I just don't really give it much thought. I tried meeting people through Meet Up and joined a coed sport's league as well. Thought it would be a good way to get out of the house and maybe make friends. If anything, those things made me even less social lol. I felt like I was forcing myself to do things that I don't really like, or to put on some type of an appearance. It doesn't help that I have few interests and that what I like, doesn't typically involve others. Yes there's times I am lonely but that's almost always only when I'm on idle time or when I want to go out to eat. My only interests (not sure if technically these are all interests) are sunbathing, snorkeling, watching movies, going on the computer, walking my dog, petting my dog, going to the spa, going to thrift stores, eating, reading, and planning future trips. I told a therapist this once years ago and I still haven't changed. I'm honestly someone who is just happy when I have a boyfriend who I socialize with and have romance with (I'm a romantic lol) and spend time with my dog.

I think other people may have more friends than others for a variety of different reasons:
1. the extroverted/introverted thing
2. don't take friendships that seriously and their friends are really more strictly activity partners
3. similar interests
4. making friends with someone who has you meet their friends
5. they always pay for you or get you into places (essentially using someone)
6. looks- While I don't always think this is true, I think people try to be friends with others whose looks they are comfortable with. It isn't always being friends with good looking people either. I think there's people who deliberately like being friends with people less attractive since it might make the look better. However, I also think there's people who deliberately want to be friends with more attractive people so that they would somehow get some of the attention. Another however, I think there's people who may try to just be friends with people on the same "level" in looks. When I think about my previous friends looks I have no pattern but not everyone is like me of course. I've had friends who were gorgeous and looked like Eva Longoria, a brunette version of Christine Cavalleri (when she was in high school though and cuter before she got super thin), and that girl from Jane the Virgin versus having friends who were either really heavy or look like Hatchetface from Cry Baby (in fairness that girl does have a great body though lol).
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