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Old 05-29-2017, 10:22 AM
 
Location: here
24,839 posts, read 29,973,692 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JH6 View Post
I have separated myself from several family members, both by distance, and the fact that I don't talk to them anymore.

I am in my mid 30's, they are similar in age, maybe older.

I was raised poor in a 700 sq foot house, given nothing.

My cousins were raised by college educated parents, in a middle class home, and were offered free education, etc.

I put myself through college, and pay hefty student loans. When there were no jobs upon graduation, I moved south to get a job in my field.

Here is an example of 5 of my relatives, some from different parents.

1.) Male cousin, offered free education, and free car from parents. Chose to get deep into drugs. Ruined everything he was given. Arrest records, and addiction. Parents call it a disease. He moved to a warmer climate. Now age 32. Parents still pay his health insurance, and parents purchased him a $175k condo. Has little responsibility and works at a retail store, never graduated college. Does not have a drivers license, but had one at one point. Is having a baby with girlfriend of 5 years, and we are expected to shower them with gifts and approve. This person shouldn't have a pet let alone raise a child.

2.) Male cousin, age 42, offered free education from parents, dropped out of school. Was into rave drugs, and coke for his college years. Has three children from three different women. Parents pay these women his child support because he does not work a real job. Claims he has anxiety and can't work a lot. I believe he works a call center job part time. Does not have a drivers license. Cousin lived in a ghetto apartment, parents did not like that. Parents purchased him a two family house, refinished the whole thing, and even put a renter in the lower apartment. He resides in the upper apartment and does not lift a finger. He claims he has autism, but I think he is a scammer who fried his brain with drugs.

3.) Male cousin, age 35. Never moved out of his parents 4 bedroom house. Has a 4 year degree from Private University. Parents paid 100 percent. Spends his money on video games. Obese, probably 350 pounds. Had a girlfriend, who suggested that they move in together in their own apartment. Dumped girlfriend, said he would rather live at home. Now sits at home and plays video games and works for a retail store for $12 per hour. Parents pay all his expenses. Did I mention he has a degree from a high end private university?!?!

4.) Male cousin, near age 40. Had children at very young age. Now has 6-7 children. Works at a restaurant as a cook. Family members cover up saying that he is very religious, that is why he has so many children. Not married, never married, has 3-4 baby-mommas. Family covers it up. He gets various public assistance programs, and works under the table at a restaurant. Takes family on beach vacations 2-3 times per year.

5.) Male cousin, age 30. Parents put him through a tech electronic school. Father said he would be making so much money after graduation. Never graduated, continued to live in parents basement. Last time I seen him was at a bar, he was so drunk and stoned he didn't even know who I was. Last I heard from another family member he is drunk all the time, and sleeps in the basement of his parents house, and was aggressive and abusive towards my aunt.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JH6 View Post
Not jealous at all, my wife and I both work good jobs, and work hard every day. We are doing fine.

Just wondering if anyone else has had issues with 20-35 year olds really being slackers in today's world?

Only 2 of those listed are millennials, and even then, they are right on the cusp of Gen X. They are the same generation as you. They are 30-42, not 20-35. You fall squarely in the same age range. Why are you trying to make it a millennial thing?
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Old 05-29-2017, 10:24 AM
JH6 JH6 started this thread
 
1,333 posts, read 2,605,474 times
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Not exaggerated or fake.

I have other family members that are doing fine, I chose to only post about the 5 males that came to my head right away after I heard a story from my father about one of the male cousins recently. It reads like fiction, but it is not BS.

The point of the thread was just to ask is my family crazy or or this typical for folks in a certain age group. Now I know that the term millennials only applies to a certain age group, I would have assumed it was the age 30's crowd.

They are not all from the same side of the family, nor are they from the same parents.

The ages have been estimated, I don't know exactly how old each one is, I don't see these people but once every few years anymore.

To say I have a large family is true, my grandparents on both sides had 11 children combined, and my aunt/uncles each have a couple kids, which makes for a lot of direct cousins.

There are a few girls, but they have not had troubles like the males.

I am not an elitist, I am not jealous, I have a decent home, decent job, loving family, and live in a nice area. It is nice to know that we worked for what we have, and did not receive anyone's assistance financially. I am not a socialist, I do not believe in wealth distribution, I think you need to work your butt off to get anywhere. I too have a disability, I have not allowed it to ruin my life and I battle it every day.

I'm sorry if you are able bodied, and you have a 4 year degree from a private university, you should be able to find a job that is not stocking shelves at a grocery store.

In that final year of college, I'm sure there were internships, you should have been making contacts with the business world, and setting yourself up for a career. Not sitting at mom and dad's house playing video games and goofing off.

I think the point of this thread, is that too many people are given a pass in life. It seems to be the norm in society to make excuses for people being slugs.

I am grateful for my parents, after high school they told me either get a job or go to college. Either way you need to get your own apartment and pay your own bills. I worked a lame job for about a year, then decided I needed something better for myself. This was when we were deep in the recession. I did not blame the economy, I evolved to make myself marketable and get a job.

After graduating college, worked a lame job, and decided there was nothing for me in the area I grew up career wise, so I packed my clothes into a car and drove south to get a job.
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Old 05-29-2017, 10:34 AM
 
Location: here
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Yes, I have some family members who had some similar issues to those I listed. Instead of thinking they "chose" drugs, or whatever, I am able to recognize the connection between anxiety/depression and addiction. What they do with their life has no bearing on what I do with mine. It isn't my parents bailing them out, so it isn't a matter of monetary equity among siblings. I see these issues among the 35-50 year olds, as well as the 16-25 year olds. I just live my life, happy that I don't have such issues.
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Old 05-29-2017, 10:43 AM
 
16,990 posts, read 20,591,236 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JH6 View Post
Not exaggerated or fake.

I have other family members that are doing fine, I chose to only post about the 5 males that came to my head right away after I heard a story from my father about one of the male cousins recently. It reads like fiction, but it is not BS.

The point of the thread was just to ask is my family crazy or or this typical for folks in a certain age group. Now I know that the term millennials only applies to a certain age group, I would have assumed it was the age 30's crowd.

They are not all from the same side of the family, nor are they from the same parents.

The ages have been estimated, I don't know exactly how old each one is, I don't see these people but once every few years anymore.

To say I have a large family is true, my grandparents on both sides had 11 children combined, and my aunt/uncles each have a couple kids, which makes for a lot of direct cousins.

There are a few girls, but they have not had troubles like the males.

I am not an elitist, I am not jealous, I have a decent home, decent job, loving family, and live in a nice area. It is nice to know that we worked for what we have, and did not receive anyone's assistance financially. I am not a socialist, I do not believe in wealth distribution, I think you need to work your butt off to get anywhere. I too have a disability, I have not allowed it to ruin my life and I battle it every day.

I'm sorry if you are able bodied, and you have a 4 year degree from a private university, you should be able to find a job that is not stocking shelves at a grocery store.

In that final year of college, I'm sure there were internships, you should have been making contacts with the business world, and setting yourself up for a career. Not sitting at mom and dad's house playing video games and goofing off.

I think the point of this thread, is that too many people are given a pass in life. It seems to be the norm in society to make excuses for people being slugs.

I am grateful for my parents, after high school they told me either get a job or go to college. Either way you need to get your own apartment and pay your own bills. I worked a lame job for about a year, then decided I needed something better for myself. This was when we were deep in the recession. I did not blame the economy, I evolved to make myself marketable and get a job.

After graduating college, worked a lame job, and decided there was nothing for me in the area I grew up career wise, so I packed my clothes into a car and drove south to get a job.
Well if you don't even know their ages, than how do you even know you have the facts?

I find it odd you don't know your cousin's ages. I live in CA and have cousins in NY that I rarely see, I will admit IDK their birthdays, I sure as hell know old they are, and if they were in exisitence before or after I was born.

For someone who is so obsessed with relatives that don't impact your life, surely you would know their ages and your parents would.

Again, be grateful they're not your brothers or sisters, than you would have a reason to whine. Because that's when can impact you directly.

You don't even see these people, know how old they are, and probably have a lot of it wrong.
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Old 05-29-2017, 10:46 AM
JH6 JH6 started this thread
 
1,333 posts, read 2,605,474 times
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I grew up with these people and when I was younger was closer with them.

It is not common to know everyone's exact age. We do not send birthday cards, I only see them when I am in town at family gatherings every few years.
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Old 05-29-2017, 11:08 AM
 
5,048 posts, read 6,896,381 times
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I thought your topic could be an interesting conversation starter. Apparently only for some.

Interesting to at least categorize in a mental file, to perhaps reaffirm that when giving children things we should also help them understand that much is expected of them...not freeloading.

Sorry cousins you grew up with turned out like this, unreachable in a sense and unlike you. Spoiled is one thing. The distance and disappearance of someone you grew up with due to drugs is another.

Good for you and all you achieved.
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Old 05-29-2017, 11:21 AM
 
Location: here
24,839 posts, read 29,973,692 times
Reputation: 32387
Quote:
Originally Posted by JH6 View Post
I grew up with these people and when I was younger was closer with them.

It is not common to know everyone's exact age. We do not send birthday cards, I only see them when I am in town at family gatherings every few years.
Do you not know if they are 25 or 35? Sorry, but I think people have trouble getting past the contradictory details you provided. Had you not given specific ages, most of which are in Gen X, then called them millennials, then called out an age range that didn't include most of them, people might be more willing and able to discuss.
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Old 05-29-2017, 11:23 AM
 
Location: Coastal Georgia
36,927 posts, read 45,376,262 times
Reputation: 61406
Quote:
Originally Posted by Where2now22 View Post
OP, the individuals responding rudely to your post are nitwits. Regardless if their millennial or not, I understand your point that parents are not parenting. Some children are amazing, a parent does everything for them and they take the bad path (i dont understand that). I have a half brother, who mirrors your cousins, he was provided everything but he chose heroin. Recently she blamed herself because she was too easy on him. On the contrary, she was very strict on me. Who knows what is the happy medium. What is too nice? What is too strict?
This is kind of what I was trying to say. What is the factor that makes one indulged child an achiever, and another go astray?

My kids all had a hardworking, strong, involved father, if that makes any difference.
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Old 05-29-2017, 11:24 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
77,923 posts, read 69,884,727 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nov3 View Post
Gosh, I have worked with, lived with and coached some of these cousins you describe! What amazes me is if you give them encouragement and positive feedback.They inevitably shine. I see strength where others snubb at the external dynamics. Hard to see ahead if looking down on others is the goal of the day.
I like this. "Hard to look forward when you're always looking down". Good one!
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Old 05-29-2017, 11:35 AM
 
16,990 posts, read 20,591,236 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JH6 View Post
I grew up with these people and when I was younger was closer with them.

It is not common to know everyone's exact age. We do not send birthday cards, I only see them when I am in town at family gatherings every few years.
I believe I said in my comments that I don't know the birthdays of my cousins back east, but know how old they are, if they're older or younger than I am.

Again, you never see these people, doesn't even sound like you live near them.

So why do you care so much?

If you had a brother who borrowed $5,000 from you and never paid you back or has been "temporarily" staying on your couch for the last 3 years and can't find work, than you have a gripe.

This nonsense...pfft.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
Do you not know if they are 25 or 35? Sorry, but I think people have trouble getting past the contradictory details you provided. Had you not given specific ages, most of which are in Gen X, then called them millennials, then called out an age range that didn't include most of them, people might be more willing and able to discuss.
Exactly, get the story straight. Doesn't have a clue as to how old they are, doesn't seem them for years, doesn't sound like he lives by them, yet he knows their daily routines?
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