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In business with parents who have recently embezzled, lied, have continued to lie, and have continued to embezzle from our business that we are 50/50.
I've approached them about MANY different occasions over the last 4 years. We have had many heated arguments about my accusations, and I have proof before making such accusations, yet they stand behind their lies.
My decision has been to keep our "relationship" strictly business. No more birthday parties, no mothers day/fathers day plans, and I plan on no holidays at all with them.
Am I wrong in thinking this way?
More info:
I have two kids, grown(college), that I don't believe I should keep from their grandparents.(not that I can)
But maybe I should? I don't know.
This whole situation has ended one long term relationship, and has ended another short term relationship I had with girlfriends. It will take at least 2 years to separate our business', and both of these women have told me that they want nothing to do with my parents due to the way they have treated them and myself. And that is just on the personal side, not counting the business side. Although one did know what they were doing to me, she is an accountant.
I had one accountant I wanted to do my taxes with, that my parents used to have, and she said she wouldn't take me on until I was completely separated from my parents as she knows what they have done.
Maybe the first thing you should do is to figure out how to terminate your business relationship with your parents. This will eventually be a legal & financial disaster for you. Saving your financial future should the top priority.
I would focus on getting your share of the business out of the mess and making it work for you on a stand alone basis. It may take years.
In the meantime you can decide just how much you want your parents in your life. Perhaps on a minimal basis as they are not going to be happy if you separate your portion of the business from theirs.
Maybe the first thing you should do is to figure out how to terminate your business relationship with your parents. This will eventually be a legal & financial disaster for you. Saving your financial future should the top priority.
I would focus on getting your share of the business out of the mess and making it work for you on a stand alone basis. It may take years.
In the meantime you can decide just how much you want your parents in your life. Perhaps on a minimal basis as they are not going to be happy if you separate your portion of the business from theirs.
Yes, they already know I want out and what I expect. Had a mediator but he didn't work out. Looking for another one.
I've been very open and honest with what I think is a fair/equal split. But, as you know, fair and equal are not always a shared opinion.
As far as family gatherings, attending not as a whole family etc is up to your grown kids. But realize, your parents or you may already have them involved in your bbusinss, and the kids might be confronted with negative talk about you.
You will have to talk with your kids on how to prevent this from happening to them.and if they are being made un comfortable, they could just walk away.
As for relationships, gitlfriends are one thing, but a wife is another. Either way, a wife should be respected by your parents, and you need to shut them up. No one should interfere with a grown mans family. A DIL is not a daughter!
Just get a commercial attorney, and make plans to close shop and liquidate. You offer a buyout price, if no one is willing to walk away sell your intrest. There has to be some language in your partnership where there is a plan to seperate or dissolve the agreement.
I would strongly recommend some therapy to help you cope, and learn tools to better manage how you handle things.
In business with parents who have recently embezzled, lied, have continued to lie, and have continued to embezzle from our business that we are 50/50.
I've approached them about MANY different occasions over the last 4 years. We have had many heated arguments about my accusations, and I have proof before making such accusations, yet they stand behind their lies.
My decision has been to keep our "relationship" strictly business. No more birthday parties, no mothers day/fathers day plans, and I plan on no holidays at all with them.
Am I wrong in thinking this way?
More info:
I have two kids, grown(college), that I don't believe I should keep from their grandparents.(not that I can)
But maybe I should? I don't know.
This whole situation has ended one long term relationship, and has ended another short term relationship I had with girlfriends. It will take at least 2 years to separate our business', and both of these women have told me that they want nothing to do with my parents due to the way they have treated them and myself. And that is just on the personal side, not counting the business side. Although one did know what they were doing to me, she is an accountant.
I had one accountant I wanted to do my taxes with, that my parents used to have, and she said she wouldn't take me on until I was completely separated from my parents as she knows what they have done.
Firstly I'd like to say that your screen name is very fitting as you seem a very decent bloke from what I've read of your posts mate
Now are you wrong in your choice? .... No I don't believe so because you've made the right choice for yourself and if honest you've done what I probably would have considering.
What they did or are still doing I definitely wouldn't have any contact with them at all socially as it shows their true character and especially to do that to their own son is worse. With your kids have they suspected or asked if something's up or know what's happening? ( people around us can pick up even small things from body language or reactions to other people etc )
I know you're trapped at the moment so hang in there.
Get your parents out of the joint business, ASAP. You will NEVER be able to keep your relationship on a "business-only" level, with this level of resentment and mistrust.
Your accountant has told you this. Ex's have told you this. Probably other friends/family have told you this. I bet even your gut is telling you this.
If these people were NOT your parents, I suspect you would have already had them arrested for embezzlement. As it is, they've gotten a pass. And that is not fair to you or your family.
Hire a lawyer, hire a forensic accountant to document the questionable financial arrangements, and THEN sit down with an arbitrator. Either they buy you out, or you buy them out (with the embezzled funds being part of the buy-out.) They have damaged the value of the business by their financial shenanigans, you have been financially harmed, and you are probably owed some sort of recompense.
As far as family gatherings, attending not as a whole family etc is up to your grown kids. But realize, your parents or you may already have them involved in your bbusinss, and the kids might be confronted with negative talk about you.
You will have to talk with your kids on how to prevent this from happening to them.and if they are being made un comfortable, they could just walk away.
As for relationships, gitlfriends are one thing, but a wife is another. Either way, a wife should be respected by your parents, and you need to shut them up. No one should interfere with a grown mans family. A DIL is not a daughter!
Just get a commercial attorney, and make plans to close shop and liquidate. You offer a buyout price, if no one is willing to walk away sell your intrest. There has to be some language in your partnership where there is a plan to seperate or dissolve the agreement.
I would strongly recommend some therapy to help you cope, and learn tools to better manage how you handle things.
Your last statement really hit me hard. Thank you.
As of today, i am doing the best I can. Tomorrow will be different as will the next day and so forth.
It's hard for me to deal with narcissistic liars. I've got to be more creative in getting the truth.
Your last statement really hit me hard. Thank you.
As of today, i am doing the best I can. Tomorrow will be different as will the next day and so forth.
It's hard for me to deal with narcissistic liars. I've got to be more creative in getting the truth.
Thanks Kap.
To be honest under the circumstances I think you're handling things very well mate
Just my opinion but I think the fact you've seen, heard and now KNOW what they have done and are like as people should make things slightly easier for you as you have accepted this therefore will cope better.
the meek may inherit the earth but most of meek and the humble gets walked on in life..
I know first hand....
life is a balance ... don't be too hard on yourself you are in a sticky situation,,,,you can be right but dead right and cant sleep at night....whats "right" for one person is not for another..
Maybe the first thing you should do is to figure out how to terminate your business relationship with your parents. This will eventually be a legal & financial disaster for you. Saving your financial future should the top priority.
I would focus on getting your share of the business out of the mess and making it work for you on a stand alone basis. It may take years.
In the meantime you can decide just how much you want your parents in your life. Perhaps on a minimal basis as they are not going to be happy if you separate your portion of the business from theirs.
This. Take it from me. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, worse than an unscrupulous business partner, even if it's your parents. Show me someone who will lie about small things, and I'll show you someone who will definitely lie about the big things. Instead, you should be able to walk into work every day knowing that your fellow owner's word is absolute gold. For a business partnership is a great deal like a marriage. And trust is the foundation of any relationship.
Separate yourself from the business. It might not be possible to split the business up. If so, then ask for them to buy you out, or vice versa. But going to prison for tax fraud--a likely consequence of their cheating ways--because your folks skimmed off the top is not my idea of fun.
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