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Had a large group of friends in my early 20's that mostly revolved around going out and drinking and partying, it dwindled down as people got in relationship's and got married off.
My wife same thing, she is now mostly friends with other women who have kids same age and do play dates, talking about
babies, fertility issue's and that sort of mommy stuff.
I think it's healthy to break those ties and move on. My 20 year high school reunion is coming up and the website they set up looks like no time has passed for some people.
The same people who hung out in HS are still hanging out now. Several of them even married each other.
One of them works a few blocks from me and sometimes we see each other at lunch. All they do is talk about "the good old days." So strange.
Move on. Meet new people and have new experiences. It's a positive thing.
good advice
high school years are very impressionable.....
you are in your teens ... experiencing new and awkward things..
high school sucked for many kids ....from broken families to being poor or abused....
not fair to be used for a baseline for someone who is now 30 or 40, but we still do...
friends drift apart because we all go in different directions and we mature..
I graduated over 30 yrs ago and still have ...old classmates I wouldn't call them friends that haven't moved on much still smoke dope and live with family members....very low ambitions....but they love to protest!
I'm fortunate to have the friends I had in high school..... I'm a different person today...as we all are..
my son graduated last yr after 6 years of college and at the commencement was two of my high school classmates ...there son was graduating too ...I thought that was so cool....
we've had a couple reunions and those were actually quite fun..
the old norms of cliques seem to fade everyone was more adults and being decent
It is sad, I agree. I don't think they cared enough about the friendship as you did. I went through a similar thing last year. I still think about those people occasionally. Kinda depressing.
I guess a lot of people don't care enough to put in the effort.
Last edited by GymFanatic; 05-31-2017 at 05:34 AM..
I was very close with a friend in college for about ~5 years and after college they moved to a city 1 hour away. I noticed after that happened it was always me trying to reach out and make plans and my friend was either busy most of the time or started to wait until something better came along to commit.
Anytime that we did get together this person would bring another friend even though he and that friend would always hangout without me (we used to always hangout alone in the past but not anymore).
Why did we drift apart? Does this usually happen after college? We barely even speak now and it makes me sad. I basically just stopped reaching out after I said I missed this person (last ditch effort I guess) and the friendship is pretty much dead now.
This has everything to do with the practical aspects of your life and the difference between active and passive efforts.
Most people in college have an abundance of free time, and the people around them also have an abundance of free time. It doesn't cost much (in terms of time spent and logistics) to divert attention & energy into making and maintaining friendships with your fellow college students. They are in close proximity a lot of the time (on campus), so it is very convenient. Class time doesn't usually take up more than ~4 hours of your day and going to class requires little to no daily effort or preparation on your part.
After you start a normal work schedule you will spend 9 hours at the office, 1 hour commuting and probably another hour preparing (getting dressed, grooming, etc). That is almost 2-3x as much of your time being eaten up which only leaves a few hours in the evening to dedicate to maintaining a friendship. A friendship with someone who probably is not in close geographic proximity and also has similar constraints on their time.
Add to this the additional concerns of adult life: bills, cars, family, etc. (to say nothing of girlfriends/boyfriends, spouses or children) If you want to spend time with a friend then you need to pick up the phone and hash out some kind of schedule that is mutually convenient, and you won't be able to spend as much time with them as you could as a college student.
The easiest ways to do it are: to go to grad school with your friends; to be rich and have rich friends; ;be broke and have broke friends, or to make sure that your college friends become your roommates, neighbors, coworkers, or family.
Unfortunately lots of relationships are based on circumstances, and when those circumstances change, what seemed like a true friendship really wasn't.
I agree with this.
When social circumstances happen in which we share common experiences simultaneously, "friendships," inevitably develop. However, most friends are circumstantial acquaintances..when the commonality ends, if the "friendship" wasn't strong to begin with or wasn't truly present, it dies...
That's life. But, it's okay.
I am thankful for those relationships that ended because I have a core group of 3 friends with whom I've been friends for 10 years. And those relationships are truly as strong as the relationship I have with my family members.
Don't despair, OP. It may feel sad...but it ended b/c it truly wasn't a relationship that was meant to last. This just means that there's more room open in your life for a real long lasting friendship. Those are worth their weight in gold.
My mother told me years ago, we're each blessed if we have 1 or 2 true friends in our LIFETIME. I still believe that. I'm the type of person who can keep up a friendship...the question is, will the OTHER person?
Also, I always believed that if people really want to do something, they will & if they don't, they won't. Being busy isn't an excuse in my book. People make time for things they really want to do. ER surgeons & the president will get together w/ people if they really want to. I'm just using those kinds of "busy professions" as an example.
OP, your situation happened to me once. Knew a girl since 8th grade. That's the ONLY grade level in which we attended the same school. We managed to stay friends all through high school. When we started college, she moved to another state & we actually wrote back & forth a few times. Somehow, I was a bridesmaid in her wedding, but she had kinda stopped staying in touch w/ me before that. After her wedding, she really didn't contact me for a long time. However, when she was back in town once or twice, we actually got together. (Of course, I'm sure she's been back in town more times than I probably knew.)
The last time I saw her these days was about 2 yrs ago when she came into town for her mom's wedding.
We'd still be in touch regularly if it weren't for her. For some reason, I can keep the friendships going. It's almost always the other person who can't.
Had a large group of friends in my early 20's that mostly revolved around going out and drinking and partying, it dwindled down as people got in relationship's and got married off.
My wife same thing, she is now mostly friends with other women who have kids same age and do play dates, talking about
babies, fertility issue's and that sort of mommy stuff.
I can relate to this...
on a whim.... I tried golf ..... I use to laugh at people that played this boring "sport"
but I really enjoy it now and enjoy the guys (and gals) at the golf club....
on sundays ....we have a blind drawing for a scramble ...many teams and the bar opens early
I think it's healthy to break those ties and move on. My 20 year high school reunion is coming up and the website they set up looks like no time has passed for some people.
The same people who hung out in HS are still hanging out now. Several of them even married each other.
One of them works a few blocks from me and sometimes we see each other at lunch. All they do is talk about "the good old days." So strange.
Move on. Meet new people and have new experiences. It's a positive thing.
Agree wholeheartedly. Even now, every few years I will make a point of "cutting ties" with people, and moving on.
I think it's sad how some people in their 30's & 40's still think their high school years were their "glory days". If high school was the best time in your life, you really haven't lived:
Agree wholeheartedly. Even now, every few years I will make a point of "cutting ties" with people, and moving on.
I think it's sad how some people in their 30's & 40's still think their high school years were their "glory days". If high school was the best time in your life, you really haven't lived:
Wait, so you deliberately cut ties with your friends every few years? To me, unless I'm reading it wrong, that's very sad.
It's one thing to move on if you don't feel a connection with your friend anymore, or your interests completely differ now, but to do so every few years because you feel you have to is just very odd.
Last edited by NewYorker11356; 05-31-2017 at 09:03 PM..
I have a similar story but it was a long time high school friend i didn't go to college neither did he. He was new to the area in 9th grade when we became friends. We were always hanging out all through high school we were like brothers even worked together and shared apartments. Now about 20 years later we are "friends" on facebook we hardly every say anything to each other. He has a lot of friends he hangs with and they all talk on facebook i'm not in the picture. He lives in NJ i'm in PA i moved right when i graduated in 96 he stayed in NJ so that plays a part. Still kinda sad someone you would call your brother is no longer in your life. But i rarely think of that past only when i reminisce on facebook.
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