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Old 05-29-2017, 11:01 PM
 
2 posts, read 1,502 times
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I was very close with a friend in college for about ~5 years and after college they moved to a city 1 hour away. I noticed after that happened it was always me trying to reach out and make plans and my friend was either busy most of the time or started to wait until something better came along to commit.

Anytime that we did get together this person would bring another friend even though he and that friend would always hangout without me (we used to always hangout alone in the past but not anymore).

Why did we drift apart? Does this usually happen after college? We barely even speak now and it makes me sad. I basically just stopped reaching out after I said I missed this person (last ditch effort I guess) and the friendship is pretty much dead now.

Last edited by cindyallen4; 05-29-2017 at 11:11 PM..

 
Old 05-29-2017, 11:05 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,156 posts, read 41,752,473 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cindyallen4 View Post
I was very close with a friend in college for about ~5 years and after college they moved to a city 1 hour away. I noticed after that happened it was always me trying to reach out and make plans and my friend was either busy most of the time or started to wait until something better came along to commit.

Anytime that we did get together this person would bring another friend even though he and that friend would always hangout without me (we used to always hangout alone in the past but not anymore).

Why did we drift apart? Does this usually happen after college? We barely even speak now and it makes me sad. I basically just stopped reaching out after I said I missed this person and the friendship is pretty much dead now.
Unfortunately lots of relationships are based on circumstances, and when those circumstances change, what seemed like a true friendship really wasn't.
 
Old 05-30-2017, 12:39 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,526 posts, read 70,430,585 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cindyallen4 View Post
I was very close with a friend in college for about ~5 years and after college they moved to a city 1 hour away. I noticed after that happened it was always me trying to reach out and make plans and my friend was either busy most of the time or started to wait until something better came along to commit.

Anytime that we did get together this person would bring another friend even though he and that friend would always hangout without me (we used to always hangout alone in the past but not anymore).

Why did we drift apart? Does this usually happen after college? We barely even speak now and it makes me sad. I basically just stopped reaching out after I said I missed this person (last ditch effort I guess) and the friendship is pretty much dead now.
That wasn't my experience. After graduation, several friends stayed in town, including a couple of out-of-state students, and several broke into two groups to rent a couple of houses together. This went on for a few years, until a number of them drifted away, but some of us stayed in touch, and the out-of-state ones came back to visit from time to time. I'm still in touch with two out of that group to this day.
 
Old 05-30-2017, 01:23 AM
 
1,211 posts, read 533,051 times
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In my case it's because they couple up, get married, have families and do all those revoltingly 'normal' things I've never been able to get my head around. Our common ground diminishes and I find I have less to talk to them about as their situations and priorities change, so I don't make the effort to keep in contact.
 
Old 05-30-2017, 02:14 AM
 
Location: Ft Myers, FL
2,591 posts, read 1,285,283 times
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Give it more time. After college is a great time to explore and try new things. After several years and several new life experiences, you may find yourselves reconnecting and sharing those moments with your friends. I've found this completely normal.
 
Old 05-30-2017, 03:45 AM
 
Location: Texas or Cascais, Portugal
3,414 posts, read 3,179,719 times
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For most people, VERY FEW friendships are long term. Most last some number of years and then someone moves, has a career change, starts a family, divorces, you name it, a change occurs and they move in another direction. It doesn't mean the the friendship wasn't "real", but other than folks who have childhood friends throughout their lives, the majority of friendships plateau and then fizzle out.
 
Old 05-30-2017, 04:19 AM
 
12,677 posts, read 14,059,781 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
Unfortunately lots of relationships are based on circumstances, and when those circumstances change, what seemed like a true friendship really wasn't.
I agree with the above, i.e. "circumstances." But why run down such friendships and put up a woeful emo?

Is length the measure of "true friendship"? Like "true love" and lots of "true" this and that, I think it's a bunch of airy-fairy nonsense. The measure of "true" is clearly going to be subjective, and often seems to be unrealistic...when not downright self-serving.

If someone is a wonderful, close, supportive friend during the armed services, college or some other phase of life and then goes his/her way afterward, what is wrong with that? Why denigrate a wonderful relationship that existed under certain/special circumstances but has not lasted outside those circumstances?

It isn't "true" friendship because the person didn't stay glued to my hip after these circumstances changed? How thoroughly ungrateful, and unrealistic!

It seems to me that much of our psychological pain comes from our resisting the fact that life is movement.
 
Old 05-30-2017, 06:21 AM
 
22 posts, read 17,387 times
Reputation: 77
If both people don't care, you are wasting your time. I've tried to reconnect with old college buddies but it didn't work. Or it was "Hey, what's your deal?" Then back to whatever. This goes back to my theory that most people only reconnect to see if you are doing better than them in life (money, status, whatever).

I have a friend from childhood who I recently connected with on social media. She contacted me and we are online friends again. She made the effort and so did I.
 
Old 05-30-2017, 06:33 AM
 
2,589 posts, read 1,928,685 times
Reputation: 2534
In my opinion everyone's perspective of life change over time, so our actions will reflect that. That's just part of life, so is not your fault or your so called best friend's fault. If you really want to find a cause to justify what happen happened, then I would suggest simply put the blame on the society if that makes you feel any better.
 
Old 05-30-2017, 06:40 AM
 
Location: 🇬🇧 In jolly old London! 🇬🇧
15,672 posts, read 8,384,631 times
Reputation: 12408
Quote:
Originally Posted by cindyallen4 View Post
I was very close with a friend in college for about ~5 years and after college they moved to a city 1 hour away. I noticed after that happened it was always me trying to reach out and make plans and my friend was either busy most of the time or started to wait until something better came along to commit.

Anytime that we did get together this person would bring another friend even though he and that friend would always hangout without me (we used to always hangout alone in the past but not anymore).

Why did we drift apart? Does this usually happen after college? We barely even speak now and it makes me sad. I basically just stopped reaching out after I said I missed this person (last ditch effort I guess) and the friendship is pretty much dead now.
I didn't go college but yes as people get older you'll find that due to personal circumstances people will drift and go their own way.

For example as a teen/20s I was as outgoing as you like, always surrounded by either friends or acquaintances but as I'm 32 most that I knew have got married, settled down, had kids, work away, mortgage etc and as central London really is tooooo expensive and out of reach for most they've moved all across the U.K. or abroad so naturally we've lost touch and don't see each other.

It's sad but it does happen for a variety of reasons.
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