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Old 05-30-2017, 11:55 AM
 
5,291 posts, read 2,213,445 times
Reputation: 15988

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I think you should have this song ready to go on the stereo whenever he walks into the house:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ZNtcCM3Cvo

Followed by this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2WzocbSd2w
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Old 05-30-2017, 12:02 PM
 
Location: Pennsylvania
16,222 posts, read 10,230,410 times
Reputation: 28074
Quote:
Originally Posted by dblackga View Post
How about kicking him out the door?! Who needs THAT?! He is speaking from ignorance, not knowing your background, but still . . . what he has said is typical of a free-wheeling lifestyle that has no ties to anyone. He just doesn't get it.

Also, you and/or your partner/husband needs to sit down with your "mate" and say, "Look -- WE love children. We lost a child 10 years ago to cancer. I can't even tell you how painful that was, and I'm not going to talk about it now. We then tried to adopt, but it fell through. This pregnancy is a miracle and a blessing to us. For you to sit there and say "Babies are boring" is one of the worst things you can say to us. If you can't be happy for us, then at least SHUT UP."


^^^ this, only instead of shut up, say move out.

Seriously, and the baby issue aside, hasn't he over-stayed his welcome? There's a difference between helping a friend and being a doormat.
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Old 05-30-2017, 12:08 PM
 
2,277 posts, read 1,162,833 times
Reputation: 4896
Quote:
Originally Posted by PAhippo View Post
^^^ this, only instead of shut up, say move out.

Seriously, and the baby issue aside, hasn't he over-stayed his welcome? There's a difference between helping a friend and being a doormat.
He doesn't live with us. He WOULD if offered, I have no doubt. He just comes over quite a bit. He is "between places" and likes to "hang out" when we are free.
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Old 05-30-2017, 12:09 PM
 
6,563 posts, read 3,785,583 times
Reputation: 15229
In addition to what others have said, he's disrespecting you with these comments. I can see myself saying, "Family and children are very important to us. You know this and yet you are purposely demeaning these things. We won't remain friends if you keep it up."
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Old 05-30-2017, 12:14 PM
 
Location: SF Bay Area
1,419 posts, read 2,415,159 times
Reputation: 1765
I think your husband should take him aside and tell him of the pain and ordeal you both went through losing a child to cancer and having a failed adoption, and should tell him to never, ever make a negative comment regarding babies, children or pregnancy to either of you again.

Your husband should say it firmly and not get into a discussion about it, just relate the above comment and tell him to drop the entire subject.
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Old 05-30-2017, 12:26 PM
 
16,026 posts, read 19,521,297 times
Reputation: 26175
He sounds like an a--. What did you say in response? What you and your partner what, feel and think is all that matters.

I am surprised after all you've disclosed regarding losing your child and fertility issues and your recent adoption loss...that you'd have patience with someone who is so blatantly ridiculous and negative.

If you allow him to get away with talking like this then you are to blame for allowing this dolt to be any part of your life. What did he say/do when you were attempting to adopt....Are you positive he didn't have an affect on the situation?
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Old 05-30-2017, 12:32 PM
 
Location: Seattle, Wa
1,839 posts, read 1,356,298 times
Reputation: 3894
First I am very sorry for your loss as a mom myself .
I am quite open minded but if someone in that position said that to me after what you have experienced I would never see them again . Period . Seriously for my own sanity I would have to cut them off right then.

You do not need any stress at this time.
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Old 05-30-2017, 12:33 PM
 
2,277 posts, read 1,162,833 times
Reputation: 4896
Quote:
Originally Posted by JanND View Post
He sounds like an a--. What did you say in response? What you and your partner what, feel and think is all that matters.

I am surprised after all you've disclosed regarding losing your child and fertility issues and your recent adoption loss...that you'd have patience with someone who is so blatantly ridiculous and negative.

If you allow him to get away with talking like this then you are to blame for allowing this dolt to be any part of your life. What did he say/do when you were attempting to adopt....Are you positive he didn't have an affect on the situation?
Yes. I am positive he had nothing to do with the adoption. He was not involved in that in any way. We honestly did not share a lot about that situation with him, but he would ask periodically in a very disinterested way. I try not to be too hair trigger about my losses because people who have not experienced them or been close to us generally do not understand such things. This is more of a casual friend who started visiting more after a bad breakup.

When he has commented we say things like "too bad we can't count on you to babysit!" "Well, there goes our imaginary trip to Vegas!" But its only been a short period of time that he has known this and all of the comments were said over two recent visits. I am sure if we are lucky enough to have the pregnancy continue the comments will get more pointed. We need a shut down strategy and there have been some good ideas.
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Old 05-30-2017, 12:42 PM
 
Location: Georgia
4,560 posts, read 4,051,626 times
Reputation: 15754
Quote:
Originally Posted by emotiioo View Post

When he has commented we say things like "too bad we can't count on you to babysit!" "Well, there goes our imaginary trip to Vegas!" But its only been a short period of time that he has known this and all of the comments were said over two recent visits. I am sure if we are lucky enough to have the pregnancy continue the comments will get more pointed. We need a shut down strategy and there have been some good ideas.
You are kinder than I am. He's speaking from ignorance, but lordy, I could not have come back with a light-hearted comment like that. I'd have let him have it, right between the eyes. People like him have no idea how damaging their words can be, they are too busy being cool. YOU DON'T SAY THINGS LIKE THAT TO AN EXPECTANT COUPLE. You just DON'T. It's beyond rude.
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Old 05-30-2017, 12:43 PM
 
9,575 posts, read 4,848,924 times
Reputation: 33038
Quote:
Originally Posted by emotiioo View Post
When he has commented we say things like "too bad we can't count on you to babysit!" "Well, there goes our imaginary trip to Vegas!" But its only been a short period of time that he has known this and all of the comments were said over two recent visits. I am sure if we are lucky enough to have the pregnancy continue the comments will get more pointed. We need a shut down strategy and there have been some good ideas.
Address it head on. "Look Buddy, we understand that you're probably nervous that things are going to change around here. And to be honest, things WILL change. We won't be boozing it up anymore, and won't be able to have friends over just to drink. Our priorities are changing, and we're excited about it. You don't have to agree with it, but you do have to respect it. Because this is happening whether you like it or not."

Don't continue to joke around about it. Be serious. Be straightforward. You don't have to fill him in on everything you've been through.
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