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this is the first house we've ever owned. the neighbors are all older who've lived there for decades. my husband and i are pretty friendly and outgoing. we've gotten to know most everyone. what surprises me is that none of these neighbors seem to talk to each other at all. one family after living there for 25 years moved last weekend. we went over to bring some dessert and say goodbye and they said we were the only one to do so! i was kinda shocked! these people have lived in the same neighborhood for decades, their kids were friends when young and grew up together. but there's no friendships or relationships. is that common?
Honestly, it's better that way. Imagine you want to live there for 30 years, and you started to be friendly with the guy next door who presumably also won't be moving for 30 years, and he starts to get overly friendly in whatever way.
Now you have a really uncomfortable situation to deal with.
The real world is not like the Little House on the Prairie where neighbors all show up for the harvest with their tools and food and then go home and leave you alone.
The real world is full of people who will take advantage of you, or if you let them into your life will start interjecting their opinions that you don't want or whatever.
Unless you are seriously out in the wilderness and will die without the cooperation of your closest neighbors (and even then, don't rely on it), you are really way better off socializing outside of your neighborhood, and calling AAA if your battery dies on your car.
Call me a curmudgeon, if you like, but I'm speaking from experience. It's way easier to just always keep new people at bay, than try to get rid of them after making the mistake of letting them into your life and regretting it - especially if they live next door.
Yes, I always talk to and socialize with neighbors. At times it was a life or death situation, like when I cut an artery splitting wood. So glad the neighbors were there to run me to the medics, I could have died!
In high crime urban areas that I lived in, we neighbors watched out and helped each other.
I've made lifelong friends just being friendly with the neighbors.
Anyway, I recommend it.
Which is not to say that some neighbors can be a pain.
But those pain-in-the...ones, I eventually find the good in some.
this is the first house we've ever owned. the neighbors are all older who've lived there for decades. my husband and i are pretty friendly and outgoing. we've gotten to know most everyone. what surprises me is that none of these neighbors seem to talk to each other at all. one family after living there for 25 years moved last weekend. we went over to bring some dessert and say goodbye and they said we were the only one to do so! i was kinda shocked! these people have lived in the same neighborhood for decades, their kids were friends when young and grew up together. but there's no friendships or relationships. is that common?
No, we don't. When we moved here, one kid was in late HS, another away at college. That was pretty much the age group of the neighborhood.
We say "hello" and some people send us Christmas cards - we return them, but we were not the initiators.
People are not hostile - but they mind their business. They are helpful if needed. The other day our cat got out and a neighbor brought her home.
There is one man who has parties on various occasions. He's a local politician of sorts. He tends to invite the "neighborhood" to his parties. We went to two events. Then we realized that most people didn't attend. We joined a country club for social activities.
Our neighbors are reserved but courteous. So are we.
No friendships, no arguments. We like it that way.
Years ago I had some neighbours who dropped in daily.. even though I never went to their houses....I thought it was Nice to be Nice.. but then I got taken advantage of when they would sometimes come in for tea or coffee and sit for hours allowing their kids to run riot in my home... I think it was just a cafe for them. free coffee and biscuits and no one ever brought a cake or biscuit with them.... not only that but they were getting to know all my business with the phone ringing etc.. no one moved or made an excuse to leave, they would sit and listen to my conversations that had to be cut short.. I had no privacy at all... and when I tried to tell them or ignore when they came to the door , one actually went into my garden and peered through the window to see if I was in. hahaha not real. the cheek of some people. so it all had to stop.. I was just being used.. Apart from the borrowing which went on still.. the shops were a five min. walk away but they would still send their kids to ask for this or that... When I left that house I swore never again , that was 25 years ago and Ive stuck to my word.... I have lovely neighbours in my street, all polite and we talk but never again will I invite people into my life or home..
hmm.. these are all interesting to read. my neighbors are welcoming and friendly. i guess i was surprised that they could live next to someone for 25 years and not be friends. however, i do have have one set of neighbors on one side who recently retired and are quite nosy and it can be a little annoying. i'm quite busy when i leave and enter the house, usually on my way to pick up my kids but they tend to stop me and make long conversations where i have to extract myself. right now it's not too bad but i can see how that can get annoying after a while!
I do think that when you are younger, you can be friendly with more people, more types of people, and not be judgmental or cross about their foibles. When you get to be an older couple, you get a bit more picky about whom you'd like to be friends with. Maybe people's personalities get more pronounced and it is easier to feel you don't click with certain people as you get older.
At any rate, I've also noticed that different parts of the US have different habits that way. In some, people bringing over a welcoming cake, etc., is so normal you'd be rude if you didn't do it. In other parts, you can move into a neighborhood and never get a knock on your door. You might just have hit one like that. You did say, however, that one of your neighbors is getting a little clingy, and this is why lots of people have decided they will keep more to themselves.
As DH and I get older, we find the people we become friends with are those we meet as a result of our activities, and not those who live next to us. However, being "friendly" and being "friends" are two different things, and you want to stay "friendly" with your neighbors because you might need each other in an emergency.
In the south people are always ready and prepared to roll out the welcome mat. Not sure about cake baking but being welcome is a given.
I'd be willing to bet if you moved into a neighborhood of younger people there would be a lot more friendliness, meet & greets, invitations to parties, BBQ's.
When we moved into our neighborhood only people our age came by to introduce themselves. We threw a party right off so those interested remained in our circle and the 'just curious' weeded themselves out after the free ride.
Our previous house was in a more typical subdivision. By that I mean the houses were fairly close together. We had sidewalks, and there were lots of kids close in age to mine. The next door neighbor was a great friend. We traded off babysitting so we could each have a day out during the week. Unfortunately they moved. The other neighbors were friendly. We had cook-outs, etc. together. There is a down-side to that though, and we became tired of the interaction and other things about living in such close proximity to others.
We moved to a neighborhood in a different state with large, multiple acre lots. Houses are not so close. We know one of our immediate neighbors and are on friendly terms with them. We don't hang out though. I have the phone number for the other. Our kids were older than theirs, and we were/are at different life stages. I know almost all of the neighbors by name/face, but that's it. We're friendly, but not part of each others lives. A few of them get together for cook-outs, etc. We're always invited, but often have our own things going on. We have a neighborhood email chain.
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