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Old 06-06-2017, 06:58 PM
 
Location: Middle America
36,491 posts, read 41,670,258 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jonesg View Post

BTW, aspbergers is no longer recognized, its a polite term for spoiled brat.
Keep the faith, it'll be alright in the end.
Incorrect, but, then, you know that.
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Old 06-06-2017, 07:05 PM
 
Location: Middle America
36,491 posts, read 41,670,258 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by krmb View Post
Let me try to get one thing straight. High-functioning autistics, for the most part, are not in the same category as your typical mentally disabled people. We are functioning competent members of society, even though we are a bit odd. We're highly intelligent and exceptionally creative, and we can make fairly productive lives for ourselves, even with all of those so-called "shortcomings." The only other ones I think I've met around here are far from dependent. In fact, I'm beginning to think I might be an oddball, as I have not yet found a reliable area of competency that will allow me to flourish. Even though I still struggle a bit with life skills, I'm at least gainfully employed and living on my own.

There are people out there who are genuinely incapable of living on their own. In fact, I once hoped to inherit one, but she passed away before I was independent enough.
You may wish to consider that there ARE no "typical mentally disabled people," just as there are no "typical high-functioning autistic people." People are individuals.

I get that you're saying that it's relatively uncommon for individuals who fit the former Asperger's diagnosis to have intellectual impairment, and I don't disagree.

I have, however, met, known, and taught many individuals with high-functioning autism who were unable to live independently, mainly due to emotional development issues that impeded successful independent functioning, and in some cases, comorbid psych issues.
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Old 06-06-2017, 07:16 PM
 
Location: Middle America
36,491 posts, read 41,670,258 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post

e2ksj3, instead of your mother giving your brother monies to spend as he wishes, that money should be given to you, to replace the items he never thinks to. I think a sit-down is in order, between you, your brother, and your parents. It's a wonderful thing you are doing for him, but it shouldn't come at a cost to you beyond what you are willing to give.
Actually, not the most productive idea if the end goal is to obtain a level of independent living skills to branch out and pursue a more independent living situation. Doling out money is infantilizing. Spending the money one independently earns with autonomy is an integral part of being an adult. Even a disabled adult. Should there be consequences if money is not budgeted appropriately, so that he will learn? Of course. Can the OP set up with him that a certain amount of his wages go into a "security deposit" of sorts? Sure.
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Old 06-06-2017, 09:05 PM
 
Location: Native Floridian, USA
4,904 posts, read 6,098,064 times
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Great thread and one that hits very close to my heart.
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Old 06-07-2017, 01:21 AM
 
Location: Boston
3,732 posts, read 1,454,533 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
Incorrect, but, then, you know that.
My understanding is it has been removed from the MDS or whatever book they use for listing diagnoses.

My experience is its not something anyone is stuck with, but I observe them CLING to it.
It becomes the excuse for not wanting to change, they say they cannot change.

Cannot lives on Willnot street.
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Old 06-07-2017, 02:01 AM
 
4,367 posts, read 3,531,428 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jonesg View Post
My understanding is it has been removed from the MDS or whatever book they use for listing diagnoses.

My experience is its not something anyone is stuck with, but I observe them CLING to it.
It becomes the excuse for not wanting to change, they say they cannot change.

Cannot lives on Willnot street.
As a diagnosed sufferer of ASD, I will agree that it can feel like a crutch, but I think you would be a little defensive, too, if people always asked you why you, an adult, haven't mastered life skills their children are currently learning or just treated you differently with no explanation whatsoever. You start to develop a bit of a defeatist attitude. That's why they recommend you play to your strengths. It's hard to get beaten in your areas of competency, and it's hard for those people to accuse you of anything if they're working for you! If you're working for them, though, as is my case I think, your self-esteem might constantly suffer.
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Old 06-07-2017, 02:11 AM
 
4,367 posts, read 3,531,428 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
Why not start one on your own?
I wouldn't really know where to begin. I'm not a psychologist or counselor.

I'm just a naive person who thought social skills were taught in college or were just part of some class that professionals take that I hadn't yet taken. It always confused me that my peers understood social interaction and I didn't. I thought that surely they taught social skills as part of the package to any person serious about wanting a profession, but I was sadly mistaken and needlessly spent a lot of time and money on classes that didn't even scratch the surface of what I really needed to learn. I've never understood the concept of "some things just aren't taught," yet they expect you to know them! You HAVE to know them in some (most?) cases. No, I don't understand the concept. Social skills are taught; otherwise, how are they learned? Why should I be blamed for something I never learned? We don't do that to people who are bad in math. We even show mercy to people who have trouble reading, a vital skill for success in life, yet we expect people to just automatically "get" complex social nuances and ridicule those who don't like there's something wrong with them? Ridiculous! I know some social etiquette because I was taught it, not because it came to me naturally, yet crude people who never learned etiquette have the audacity to ridicule me. I've witnessed it happen again and again. I'm sick of it.

Last edited by krmb; 06-07-2017 at 02:32 AM..
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Old 06-07-2017, 03:17 AM
 
Location: 49th parallel
2,537 posts, read 1,331,336 times
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I actually think the poster was talking to the OP when she suggested starting a group. At any rate, I think it's a great idea for the OP to get a group together, because as you said, KRMB, it's hard to interact when you don't know what you don't know! Maybe Aspberger's people talking together can help each other by discussing their own special problems.
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Old 06-07-2017, 05:45 AM
 
Location: Middle America
36,491 posts, read 41,670,258 times
Reputation: 50197
Quote:
Originally Posted by jonesg View Post
My understanding is it has been removed from the MDS or whatever book they use for listing diagnoses.

My experience is its not something anyone is stuck with, but I observe them CLING to it.
It becomes the excuse for not wanting to change, they say they cannot change.

Cannot lives on Willnot street.
Incorrect. The DSM-5 regrouped all autism under a single heading. High-functioning autism that presents absent a language acquisition delay (i.e. diagnostic criteria for Asperger's) is still included.

Your experience (whatever it is) does not apply to autism. You can't "will youself" out of having a complex neurological disorder.
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Old 06-07-2017, 07:12 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,894 posts, read 17,203,069 times
Reputation: 40820
Quote:
Originally Posted by krmb View Post
I wouldn't really know where to begin. I'm not a psychologist or counselor.

I'm just a naive person who thought social skills were taught in college or were just part of some class that professionals take that I hadn't yet taken. It always confused me that my peers understood social interaction and I didn't. I thought that surely they taught social skills as part of the package to any person serious about wanting a profession, but I was sadly mistaken and needlessly spent a lot of time and money on classes that didn't even scratch the surface of what I really needed to learn. I've never understood the concept of "some things just aren't taught," yet they expect you to know them! You HAVE to know them in some (most?) cases. No, I don't understand the concept. Social skills are taught; otherwise, how are they learned? Why should I be blamed for something I never learned? We don't do that to people who are bad in math. We even show mercy to people who have trouble reading, a vital skill for success in life, yet we expect people to just automatically "get" complex social nuances and ridicule those who don't like there's something wrong with them? Ridiculous! I know some social etiquette because I was taught it, not because it came to me naturally, yet crude people who never learned etiquette have the audacity to ridicule me. I've witnessed it happen again and again. I'm sick of it.
krmb, sadly you missed the "classes" when they were actually taught in most schools, in early childhood and the primary grades (but my school system had the classes right through HS graduation for the kids who needed them). Our speech therapists started the formal instruction when the kids with autism were age three.

But, it is never too late to learn those skills. Heck, I bet that you, and the OPs brother, could even learn needed social skills by reading and following social stories. They write them at all levels and for all types of issues. Look on the internet. They may be listed as for "teen or young adult" social stories.
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