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Old 06-16-2017, 03:50 PM
 
Location: NY to NJ
662 posts, read 828,953 times
Reputation: 1053

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Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post
No, most parents aren't going to just kick an adult child out for this scenario. If they were shooting up heroin in the kitchen, yes, but not for this.

Also when many couples retire their downsizing includes a move to another area. So your couch scenario doesn't work if the adult child is applying for jobs in NY and the parents sell the house and get a condo iin Tampa.

I also suggested to the OP to sit down with the parents and show them how applying for jobs online is the way it's done. Let them actually see that with a visual. Becasuse it sounds like the parents(especially the father) isn't grasping the concept, he seems to think pounding the pavement is how you get a job and most know that's not true anymore.
But that right there in itself is an issue and what you would do with a child or teenager. He shouldn't be required to show mommy or daddy anything. But when you move back home, with a controlling parent like it seems he has, that's what happens. Which is why it's mind boggling to me why you choose not to work and live in a situation like this.
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Old 06-16-2017, 04:02 PM
 
4,661 posts, read 3,980,449 times
Reputation: 9747
How long have you been staying in your parents' home?
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Old 06-16-2017, 04:32 PM
 
3,888 posts, read 1,658,040 times
Reputation: 7897
Quote:
Originally Posted by Me 82 View Post
But that right there in itself is an issue and what you would do with a child or teenager. He shouldn't be required to show mommy or daddy anything. But when you move back home, with a controlling parent like it seems he has, that's what happens. Which is why it's mind boggling to me why you choose not to work and live in a situation like this.
I don't know that he has a controlling parent. It just seems like he's acting entitled. He leaves dirty dishes around, expects to be able to use a car because he has decided his parents don't really need 2 cars, and seems to be not too interested in leaving the house just in case an employer might call as if it is 1992 and he has no access to a cell phone. Does he even have proper insurance to use his parents' car and is he expecting to use it for free? It seems like he might deserve to be treated like a teen.
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Old 06-16-2017, 04:37 PM
 
Location: Georgia
4,560 posts, read 4,074,969 times
Reputation: 15762
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kayekaye View Post
I disagree, I don't care how old someone is, if they are living in MY home I don't want them up and about while I am sleeping. This is just adolescence continued. Early to bed, early to rise, make a man healthy, wealthy and wise. Unless one is working late hours there is no need to be up late when you are a guest, at any age.
Not to be argumentative, but I am really curious -- why this is a problem? I know people are different, but I don't understand the "not liking having people around the house awake while I'm asleep." Is it a trust thing, where you are afraid they may do something you don't like? Are you a light sleeper?

The OP isn't exactly a guest -- they are a member of the family. Has been for a long time. :-) 10 am is, IMHO, incredibly early. My natural inclination is bed at 2 am, up at 9 am. I adjust when I have to -- early meetings etc., -- otherwise, my work schedule flows nicely from 10 pm to 1 am, I get a lot of good stuff done then when it comes to planning, writing, etc. "Early to bed", etc. works if you're a farmer, or live in an era when everyone went to bed when the sun went down because candles were expensive. It's called "making a virtue of necessity."

Regardless -- if OP doesn't like the rules, OP needs to find other living arrangements, or learn to live with them for a few more weeks.
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Old 06-16-2017, 04:49 PM
 
16,992 posts, read 20,618,884 times
Reputation: 33961
Quote:
Originally Posted by Me 82 View Post
But that right there in itself is an issue and what you would do with a child or teenager. He shouldn't be required to show mommy or daddy anything. But when you move back home, with a controlling parent like it seems he has, that's what happens. Which is why it's mind boggling to me why you choose not to work and live in a situation like this.
What's so hard to grasp? Doesn't matter if it is mommy or daddy, or your sister and her husband, or your old college roommate.

When someone takes you in and you live for free, eat their food, use their electricity and water, if you have any brains you don't against the grain and you don't make a nuisance of yourself.

Get it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by RamenAddict View Post
I don't know that he has a controlling parent. It just seems like he's acting entitled. He leaves dirty dishes around, expects to be able to use a car because he has decided his parents don't really need 2 cars, and seems to be not too interested in leaving the house just in case an employer might call as if it is 1992 and he has no access to a cell phone. Does he even have proper insurance to use his parents' car and is he expecting to use it for free? It seems like he might deserve to be treated like a teen.
Exactly, and who is paying for the gas? Let's guess.....LOL. The parents.

If you're so broke you can't even buy groceries every once in awhile for God's sake clean up after yourself, and do some chores around the house(without being asked).
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Old 06-17-2017, 07:41 AM
 
3,721 posts, read 3,910,494 times
Reputation: 3366
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
If they wanted to downsize, they can just kick child out or let child use their couch in a smaller place. They are not innocent victims here since they decided to extend their home to the OP. Even then using "my house my rules" is not valid for being extremely controlling. The fact that OP lives under their roof is not a bill of sale to run her life or job search. It is one thing if OP is playing video games all day but OP sounds like they are making an honest effort to get back to work. I think The parents need to back off.

Agreed.
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Old 06-17-2017, 09:11 AM
 
359 posts, read 186,635 times
Reputation: 298
My alarm went off at 7:10, I was still tired, slept again twice and finally got up around 9:15. Then I took a shower. Even though my parents had been up for hours, had breakfast, had been outside, as soon as I got out of the shower, my mom greets me to ask am I done yet? she has to go. Well she had plenty of time to shower and get ready before I even got out of bed but I guess the sharing of the bathroom is an issue.

Dad was upset again. First thing he said when I saw him today, rather than "good morning sedonaverde" he commented how he knew I had snacked late last night (it was 10pm) , that he knew I ate his cheese (OK but he lets me eat other shared food so why not his cheese too?) and that eating late is bad for my health since the body doesn't have time to digest it. (that's a longtime criticism both he and mom have).

I went to eat breakfast and heard my mom and dad going in and out of the bathroom, then my dad saying to mom: but you just peed 5 mins ago, why are you going again? (The door was open and sound travels through the house). It seems like my dad is quick to criticize anyone who he believes doesn't live up to his standards, whether the complaints are petty or legit. With Father's Day coming up I don't know how I'm supposed to fake appreciation for him after everything that's been going on lately. Maybe my gift to him can be the announcement that I'm starting to look for another place to live. However before moving out I wonder if there is something I can do to smooth things over and end on a good note.
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Old 06-17-2017, 09:24 AM
 
Location: Boston
3,732 posts, read 1,459,161 times
Reputation: 5797
Quote:
Originally Posted by sedonaverde View Post
My alarm went off at 7:10, I was still tired, slept again twice and finally got up around 9:15. Then I took a shower. Even though my parents had been up for hours, had breakfast, had been outside, as soon as I got out of the shower, my mom greets me to ask am I done yet? she has to go. Well she had plenty of time to shower and get ready before I even got out of bed but I guess the sharing of the bathroom is an issue.

Dad was upset again. First thing he said when I saw him today, rather than "good morning sedonaverde" he commented how he knew I had snacked late last night (it was 10pm) , that he knew I ate his cheese (OK but he lets me eat other shared food so why not his cheese too?) and that eating late is bad for my health since the body doesn't have time to digest it. (that's a longtime criticism both he and mom have).

I went to eat breakfast and heard my mom and dad going in and out of the bathroom, then my dad saying to mom: but you just peed 5 mins ago, why are you going again? (The door was open and sound travels through the house). It seems like my dad is quick to criticize anyone who he believes doesn't live up to his standards, whether the complaints are petty or legit. With Father's Day coming up I don't know how I'm supposed to fake appreciation for him after everything that's been going on lately. Maybe my gift to him can be the announcement that I'm starting to look for another place to live. However before moving out I wonder if there is something I can do to smooth things over and end on a good note.
I've read enough to consider you a friend.
Why don't you just shut up complaining about them and get out.

I went through the exact situation with my parents, it was absolutely rediculous , so I moved out the next day.
There is no other way, they WANT you OUT.
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Old 06-17-2017, 09:40 AM
 
359 posts, read 186,635 times
Reputation: 298
One thing I wanted to add. After the first two weeks I heard mom telling me: we'll never kick you out. Dad said I could stay around 3 weeks but that this would not be a long term situation. Well now I know that while they may not kick me out yet, the other way to get someone out is to "encourage" them to leave on their own by making conditions unpleasant. This way they can say they didn't kick me out and that my departure was voluntary. Crafty strategy.
Also to the person who wrote that only time and distance will heal our relationship, that's what I found when I relocated for school. I hadn't seen them for 4 months and at the time my mom welcomed me back to their home to stay for a couple of weeks for the holiday break. So I think they can tolerate me on the short term but once their routine is disrupted for 4+ weeks, it's too much. So now I know. But does it really have to be this way? Can't we all just get along?
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Old 06-17-2017, 09:50 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,174 posts, read 70,090,509 times
Reputation: 75998
Quote:
Originally Posted by RamenAddict View Post
I don't know that he has a controlling parent. It just seems like he's acting entitled. He leaves dirty dishes around, expects to be able to use a car because he has decided his parents don't really need 2 cars, and seems to be not too interested in leaving the house just in case an employer might call as if it is 1992 and he has no access to a cell phone. Does he even have proper insurance to use his parents' car and is he expecting to use it for free? It seems like he might deserve to be treated like a teen.
I didn't get from the thread that he leaves dirty dishes around. What I got was that when his dad brought him a cup of tea, he left the cup in his work room before going out for an errand later in the day. There's been nothing said about bringing dishes into other rooms of the house & leaving them around. As far as we know, he eats in the kitchen, and does his dishes there.

The car issue came up, I gathered, because his father loaned him a car when he was in college, and made statements leading him to believe it would be his car, not a family car. So when he mentioned to his dad using the car for his relocation, suddenly the gift offer was rescinded, and the car became an issue overall. The OP was left wondering what happened, and why the sudden change. Also recall that he offered to pay for the insurance on the car, back when his dad lead him to believe it would be a gift. He also said he buys gas for it, he's not expecting to use it for free.

People are making a lot of negative assumptions about the OP that are contrary to the facts presented.
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