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Old 06-15-2017, 01:38 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
15,974 posts, read 12,744,081 times
Reputation: 31155

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Quote:
Originally Posted by sedonaverde View Post
I'll clarify my situation a bit in case confusion remains.

Yes, my schooling is done. No, certifications are not included. It's up to students to do self-study, make appointments to write the exams and hopefully pass (passing grade is much higher than 60%) and later on become certified by companies that demand them. One caveat: if you fail the exams more than once, penalties apply: you are barred from redoing them until 15-30-45 days,etc. later. So you better be sure you're ready before retaking them. That's why I don't like the fact my parents pressured me (and this caused arguments) to get them done ASAP when clearly my heart wasn't 100% into doing the amount of studying I needed to do to pass them. My time continues to be spent more on job hunting than studying.

I also moved out of my parents' place a long time ago. I held some entry level jobs, felt I could do better and quit my last ****ty call center job with a high turnover rate so I could go back to school. Doing so required moving, renting rooms in another city, completing the school and now I'm back at my parents' place so I could save some money during this period of unemployment. Sure I could have used savings but I have a student loan to pay back and would like to avoid further debt if I can during this lean period. Hopefully this will be temporary and things will improve when I get a full time job.
Okay, yes, that clarifies.


This is you, if I got that correctly:


- crappy entry level jobs.
- went to school but slacked
- not working but still not taking enough time to study.
- finished with school - still unemployed
- living with parents
- debt


Sooo, of course your parents don't trust that you have changed your life around given that history. Why didn't you go to school while you worked at least part time?
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Old 06-15-2017, 02:21 PM
 
359 posts, read 186,635 times
Reputation: 298
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve View Post
Okay, yes, that clarifies.


This is you, if I got that correctly:


- crappy entry level jobs.
- went to school but slacked
- not working but still not taking enough time to study.
- finished with school - still unemployed
- living with parents
- debt


Sooo, of course your parents don't trust that you have changed your life around given that history. Why didn't you go to school while you worked at least part time?
You sound like a wonderful person. Extracting every negative and trying to kick someone down for the sake of sticking it to them.

How about this approach instead?
Hey sedonaverde, congrats for having the courage to putting an end to entry level jobs and wanting to better your life by going back to school! Oh, you graduated? Great, keep trying, you'll get a better job soon. Oh, you're not motivated to complete optional certification exams after you graduated from that school? Hmmm...how can I help motivate you to get them done?

(See how insulting vs. motivating produces different reactions? No one likes a nag)
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Old 06-15-2017, 03:04 PM
 
Location: Raleigh, North Carolina
2,081 posts, read 1,071,904 times
Reputation: 3997
Quote:
Originally Posted by sedonaverde View Post
You sound like a wonderful person. Extracting every negative and trying to kick someone down for the sake of sticking it to them.

How about this approach instead?
Hey sedonaverde, congrats for having the courage to putting an end to entry level jobs and wanting to better your life by going back to school! Oh, you graduated? Great, keep trying, you'll get a better job soon. Oh, you're not motivated to complete optional certification exams after you graduated from that school? Hmmm...how can I help motivate you to get them done?

(See how insulting vs. motivating produces different reactions? No one likes a nag)
I believe your parents have determined that positive reinforcement is not working.
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Old 06-15-2017, 03:06 PM
 
Location: Arlington, VA and Washington, DC
23,587 posts, read 33,333,953 times
Reputation: 32220
Quote:
Originally Posted by reds37win View Post
I believe your parents have determined that positive reinforcement is not working.
They are actually demonstrating that being controlling and all up in someone's won't get OP hired any faster.
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Old 06-15-2017, 03:34 PM
 
7,363 posts, read 13,190,281 times
Reputation: 8940
Quote:
Originally Posted by sedonaverde View Post
You sound like a wonderful person. Extracting every negative and trying to kick someone down for the sake of sticking it to them.

How about this approach instead?
Hey sedonaverde, congrats for having the courage to putting an end to entry level jobs and wanting to better your life by going back to school! Oh, you graduated? Great, keep trying, you'll get a better job soon. Oh, you're not motivated to complete optional certification exams after you graduated from that school? Hmmm...how can I help motivate you to get them done?

(See how insulting vs. motivating produces different reactions? No one likes a nag)
Honestly, if that's the kind of motivating approach you need or want, I can see why the parents are irate. Self motivation goes a long way, but it appears to your parents that you may have lost steam.

Is it even realistic for someone starting out to be looking for a relocation package?
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Old 06-15-2017, 03:53 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
15,974 posts, read 12,744,081 times
Reputation: 31155
Quote:
Originally Posted by sedonaverde View Post
You sound like a wonderful person. Extracting every negative and trying to kick someone down for the sake of sticking it to them.

How about this approach instead?
Hey sedonaverde, congrats for having the courage to putting an end to entry level jobs and wanting to better your life by going back to school! Oh, you graduated? Great, keep trying, you'll get a better job soon. Oh, you're not motivated to complete optional certification exams after you graduated from that school? Hmmm...how can I help motivate you to get them done?

(See how insulting vs. motivating produces different reactions? No one likes a nag)
Well, I think it is awesome you are trying to turn your life around. I wish you the best. I just tried to explain why your parents are so hard on you. Parents usually mean well.
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Old 06-15-2017, 05:04 PM
 
5,437 posts, read 2,903,055 times
Reputation: 24396
My two cents:

Stay focused. It will all work out. My second son was a late bloomer. He drove me crazy--I nagged him. I was feeling like a failure as a parent because he wasn't working. (He finally got it together.)

Yes, it gets frustrating applying for jobs and not getting them. My first son's advice to his brothers--just get in the habit of applying for numerous jobs every day. It is a tough Era for young adults today--it is a tough job market.

Lastly--do what you can to be part of the household. Make dinner once a week, take out the trash, do the dishes--you will be amazed how that makes a difference. My last son is still home (#3). I had a discussion with him a few months ago that he needs to cross over the bridge from adolescence to adulthood (he is in his late 20's). He is no longer a child in the home, instead he is a member of the household and needs to do his share. (He has some major health challenges and because of that he has difficulty getting a full time job--however it does not prevent him from doing his share around the house.)

Good luck--it will all work out. Pat your parents on the back for taking you in and helping you out. Seriously--as a parent, often we need to hear the words: "thanks a lot for helping me".
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Old 06-15-2017, 06:03 PM
 
6,575 posts, read 1,936,902 times
Reputation: 6162
Interesting problem. Sorry you're having a tough time, but I'm sure you realize that it could be much worse.

No, you will probably not get them to markedly change their attitudes, but possibly you can effect small changes in their behavior, or at least put up a bit more of a barrier for yourself.

Here are some thoughts.

1. Yes, you're in their house, and it's natural that they feel they can now boss you. Most parents fall into that trap. Accept that they'll keep on trying it. I'm guessing that their behavior - the intrusiveness, the bossiness - is probably not much different than it was when you used to live there.

2. Stop telling your father about potential contacts. Then he won't hassle you. If he notices and asks why, you just say pleasantly, "Oh, you just always seem so down on it all, I'd rather not."

3. Makes sense to decline to specify the salary offered, since, based on your description, nothing good will come of it. But be pleasant. Say, "Oh, I don't want to jinx it."

4. That's pretty annoying about him checking on you. Can you lock your door? Failing that, can you do some of that at the library instead?

5. You don't mention how out-of-sync you are with your hours, or why. Yes, if they get up at 6:00 and you get up at noon, that will drive them crazy. It also makes you appear lax to them. If it's a smaller difference, like between 10pm and 11pm, then when they press you, ask why. They probably won't have a good reason.

6. Yes, arguing is normal. And it's normal that they'll talk about you behind your back.

7. Are you doing anything to be companionable while you're there? Are you maybe joining them in watching TV, or whatever they do? Are you offering to help your mother in the kitchen? Are you offering to run errands for them? That may help.

Remember, even though it may be irritating, none of it is truly bad, and their intentions are good.
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Old 06-15-2017, 07:01 PM
 
Location: Carteret, NJ
190 posts, read 128,777 times
Reputation: 110
Quote:
Originally Posted by hellob View Post
Maybe your dad just doesn't realize how much job hunting has shifted to online. He might think you're dicking around on the computer all day.
I noticed that with my parents when I graduated college and tried looking for a job. They kept wondering what I was doing on the computer all day. They didn't realize that I was looking for and applying to jobs. They realized some was online but didn't realize everything was online. Sometimes they would say that I can't find a job sitting behind a computer screen, and I should go in person to all these different places because thats the only way to find a job. I knew it was an epic fail, so I went along with them just to show them that its only online (I knew they were gonna say all resumes were to be sent online). That's what they said (obviously) and I purposely had them write down website with all info for applying just to show them. They said they didn't believe me unless I showed them, which I did. Still didn't believe me. Its funny when they still thought the only place to find job was going in person. Literally every time they said its only online. Then they got mad after a while that it wasn't the stone ages anymore.
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Old 06-15-2017, 07:31 PM
 
Location: Central IL
15,098 posts, read 8,432,014 times
Reputation: 35340
Quote:
Originally Posted by sedonaverde View Post
Well obviously I wasn't just hanging out waiting by the phone I was doing other productive stuff that a job hunter will do. Do you want me to list the tasks in the way that my mom asked me the other day?

Anyway, if not at their place, do you have suggestions on where to go to do phone / video interviews when a potential employer does call? Noisy coffee shop is not ideal and cell phones/talking are often forbidden or certainly would disturb other library patrons.

But yes, getting out of the house would result in less opportunity for them to hassle me. I just don't know if it's the best move because the other day I missed two calls from a potential employer (weirdly enough the man called on a weekend and didn't leave voice mail, nor did he warn me he would call with an email in advance). Luckily the company smartened up and did email me after to schedule the phone interview and the process is going as expected.
I've done phone interviews in my car while working for another employer! Or even outside in a park...it's really not that difficult. Having grown up with a cellphone you seem strangely anchored. My point is that your arguments are weak in terms of not being able to get out or missing calls for not being at home. Get it together.
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