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Old 06-18-2017, 07:48 PM
 
Location: British Columbia ♥ 🍁 ♥
7,098 posts, read 6,507,733 times
Reputation: 13855

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Meaux View Post
I saw one other person make note of this - but are you 100% sure that the Facebook message is actually your mother, and not someone impersonating her? It is crazy common for troublemakers to make duplicate Facebook accounts of real people after downloading a picture, then to use it to try to scam people. I assume you aren't following her Facebook account?

You might be getting all worked up over something that didn't even originate from your mother!

Good point. ^


Lochness Angel, how many other people know that you were disowned by your parents?


.
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Old 06-18-2017, 08:38 PM
 
7,079 posts, read 8,572,894 times
Reputation: 8866
Responding back to someone to only then announce you are or will be ignoring them seems pointless. In a situation where there's hurt and pain, I've come to understand the best thing to do is not create any additional pain or drama, for either party, not to them and not to yourself. The path of peace is "kiss it, bless it, and let it go." This is done mentally/spiritually within yourself. It doesn't mean what they did was okay, or that you will be part of their lives, but releasing it to the universe and continuing down the road of your own journey is a powerful and positive action.
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Old 06-19-2017, 02:01 AM
 
Location: Northern NJ
7,947 posts, read 7,874,941 times
Reputation: 11164
Quote:
Originally Posted by lochness angel View Post
I know the cancer is fake. Growing up, when anyone in my family was (even with the smallest sickness) my mom made sure everyone knew. Believe me, if my dad had cancer, the entire extended family would know.
The cancer is irrelevant, whether it is fake or not. You owe these people nothing, even if they both have multiple cancers. They are no longer family and have chosen to be functional strangers. Their DNA is meaningless. Give them nothing, block them, and forget them. You don't have parents, they are functionally already dead and have been for a very long time. Completely block them and get on with your life.
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Old 06-19-2017, 03:17 AM
 
3,460 posts, read 2,179,877 times
Reputation: 6130
Quote:
Originally Posted by PricelessPoseidon View Post
If that were me, I would pretend that I didn't know the truth. Just send a sympathy card without return address, and tell him you feel bad about him having cancer, and hope he gets well soon.

Yes its waste of money, but you don't have to make it expensive. Just go to dollar store to get card - its either 50 cents or $1, and stamp is 50 cents. Most you will probably spend is $1.50, maybe even $2.00 if stamp is slightly more because of envelope.
I don't think any sort of contact is a good idea, because that's exactly what they want. Which is a way to start communicating with the OP again for the purposes of extracting money, and who knows what other pain to rehash. If the OP doesn't response in any way, that's the best thing.
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Old 06-19-2017, 03:24 AM
 
3,460 posts, read 2,179,877 times
Reputation: 6130
Quote:
Originally Posted by ipaper View Post
Forgive them and move on. You don't have to support them financially, but you can have some sort of relationship with them. I understand how you must feel, but from a spiritual perspective, forgive them as Jesus forgives us. How can we ask Jesus...
Sorry, but no amount of bible story book fables are going to apply or help the OP here. There is no reason to forgive someone who has not come to terms with what they have done and made an apology. They contact the OP after all this time simply to run a scam with a fake cancer story to get sympathy and exact money. No, just no. This is just wrong on so many levels and insulting to expect forgiveness. I got news for you, they don't want forgiveness either, all they want is money. And you want the OP to enter into a state of denial of what has happened is just a sick and unhealthy way to cope with this. And it puts an unfair burden that the OP isn't worthy because she has not forgiven them. Shame on you for suggesting such a misguided approach.

The OP needs professional help to cope with this. That's all.

Last edited by eastcoastguyz; 06-19-2017 at 03:47 AM..
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Old 06-19-2017, 03:28 AM
 
3,460 posts, read 2,179,877 times
Reputation: 6130
Quote:
Originally Posted by lae60 View Post
I'd reply back and say that you are very busy with your life and no longer have time to develop a relationship with them.

I'd also say that, having been left without their support, emotionally or financially, when you were 17 and pregnant taught you a very important life lesson. You learned that one can overcome great difficulties, both financially and emotionally, with great determination and hard work ... and a good friend, who you, thankfully, found in your baby's father. And that hopefully their relationship WITH EACH OTHER, and their hard work and determination will get them through the challenges that their life presents.

It closes the door, and lets them know you are not wanting a relationship, and they can deal with their own issues without you.
No, it opens the door. This isn't a business letter to a company you fired. They want communication, which is why the OP was contacted with the fake story. They will just continue to contact the OP if she does as you suggested. She isn't dealing with a normal situation. If the fake cancer story didn't work, they will continue to try something else since they know they'll get a response.
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Old 06-19-2017, 03:32 AM
 
3,460 posts, read 2,179,877 times
Reputation: 6130
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thulsa View Post
My first thought is that your first obligation is to your family, including yourself, and it sounds to me like reconnecting with the parents would cause suffering for all three of you. So take your husbands advice: his first thought is he does not want you to get hurt.

My second thought is, if you must reconnect in any way, ignore any mention of cancer and ask them for money for your son's college education. It will need to be a lot because he will want to also pursue a graduate degree. Be unrelenting and single minded on that.
This is really foolish. This isn't a TV show plot line that needs to be solved. This is the OP's life. You think asking this questions is going to really reveal and repair the damage they did? This isn't a Disney movie.

This is what would happen:

"Sorry Dad has cancer. I have no money. I need money for my son to go to college..."
"That's very selfish of you with your father dying of cancer".
"You are the ones who treated me badly and stop contacting me..."
"That's not TRUE! You ran away from us. It isn't our fault. We need money to save his life!"
"I don't have any".
"Sell your car, and give the money to us...".

And on and on, and on. The OP isn't dealing with normal and honest people here. They contacted her to get money as a scam. If they knew she was homeless and not a penny to her name, they wouldn't have contacted her at all.
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Old 06-19-2017, 03:35 AM
 
3,460 posts, read 2,179,877 times
Reputation: 6130
Quote:
Originally Posted by jetgraphics View Post
On the purely material plane, one could request their SSN, etc, and do a credit check, as well as ask for medical records that substantiate the diagnosis of cancer (and their permission to discuss it with the physician). Once you verify or refute their claim, and financial woes, the next decision is far easier to make.

Assumptions without facts can bite one on the bum.

On the spiritual plane, how would you wish to be treated if you were in the same dire straits?

It's a question of holding a grudge versus forgiveness. Would you prefer to spend eternity outside the proverbial gates, insuring that 'they' don't get in? Or forgive 7 times 7 times 7?

"Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us...."

Good Advice:
Strive to be the kind of person you would enjoy spending eternity with, otherwise you may become a person thatís hell to be around.
The family has p*ssed down the back of the OP, and you want her to believe like its just raining.
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Old 06-19-2017, 03:43 AM
 
3,460 posts, read 2,179,877 times
Reputation: 6130
Quote:
Originally Posted by TreeZoo View Post
If it was me and I could afford it, I hope I would act as I wish my parents would have acted 20 years ago.

Go into it with both eyes open. Know their circumstances, health and finances. Meet them as equals. Maybe they truly yearn for forgiveness and have accepted that they wronged you, your husband and son. You won't know any of that unless you engage them.

If they are sincere, your little gamble will pay huge dividends. For you and your family.

If they are insincere, you will quickly discover it and can severe your relations with no regrets.
Sounds like the bad advice a battered woman gets who returns to the abusive relationship, because she doesn't know any better.

They don't yearn for anything. They are running a scam! Likely have a narcissistic personality disorder which allowed them to treat her like this all these years and continues to act this way.
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Old 06-19-2017, 05:46 AM
 
1,929 posts, read 943,505 times
Reputation: 5144
Quote:
Originally Posted by eastcoastguyz View Post
The family has p*ssed down the back of the OP, and you want her to believe like its just raining.
Some folks live in a cartoon, apparently.
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