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Old 06-19-2017, 07:56 AM
 
16,722 posts, read 14,608,301 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by basketballcoach View Post
I have 5 guys as groomsmen and my step-brother as best man.
I'm fed up of always being left out of friends' and relatives' weddings. I found out last night that one of my groosmen who is also engaged and will be getting married next year picked his wedding party and I'm not in it.
I go out of my way for my friends and relatives all the time. My fiancee and I host parties at our house all the time. I allow them to stay with me when many are in town. I've lent money to various people and when a cousin's wife was seriously injured in a car accident, I took care of that friend's two sons for days at a time so he could be at the hospital with her. They later had a third child and I kept hoping I would be asked to the godfather, but they asked some relative who two states away and they barely see that person.
I'm tired of not being appreciated and I don't feel like I'm good enough for my friends since they keep leaving me out of weddings. Anyone else have similar experiences. I just wish I could have the experience of being in at least one wedding.
If you're not appreciated, why do you continue to be there "savior" the way you make yourself out to be? When I do someone a favor, I do it with no thought of how that person should owe me in return.

Sounds to me like you get immersed in people's lives just so they owe you something, and people can sense that.

Why did you decide you need 6 men in your wedding party?
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Old 06-19-2017, 08:01 AM
 
16,722 posts, read 14,608,301 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kevxu View Post
What? You go out of your way for friends to get a payoff, is that it? What a profoundly crappy, juvenile way of looking at friendship...and life.
Exactly.

What is this? A competition? Jeez.
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Old 06-19-2017, 08:04 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by basketballcoach View Post
I'm not in my 20s. I'm 31 and I make a good living and I inherited a very large sum of money when my grandmother passed away. I don't have to worry that much about money.
We didn't need to know that OP, so I'm guessing you buy your friendship from these people as it is.
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Old 06-19-2017, 08:05 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by basketballcoach View Post
They don't see me as an acquaintance, last summer one friend asked me to help him plan his father's funeral. I have gone on hunting and fishing trips with these friends numerous times.
Did you pay for them?
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Old 06-19-2017, 08:12 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by strandedx02 View Post
The other part is that I'm a photographer and think I could help make their day special by putting those skills to use, either instead of them paying for one or by coordinating with the photographer they hire. Giving them something beautiful to help them remember the occasion is how I think I'd best be able to contribute.
As a photographer, I thank God every time my family or friends don't ask me to do their weddings, because I want to be there for the wedded couple, not be the wedding day organizer, which is what being a wedding photographer pretty much is, besides capturing those beautiful moments.

And, I will add, as a photographer, if they hire me, I will not be happy about other photographers "coordinating" with me. I want to be left alone to do my job, and that means talking to the bride and groom about their wants. Those are the only people who should be in the negotiation.

If they want you as their photographer, they'll ask. If they don't, please don't force yourself on them.
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Old 06-19-2017, 08:14 AM
 
Location: Saint John, IN
11,036 posts, read 3,936,666 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by basketballcoach View Post
I get invited to the weddings, I'm just not in any of them. That's the problem for me.


Personally I would be happy about it! My husband just stood up as best man in his brothers wedding and it cost us over a $1,000 by the end of it! Renting tux and shoes, bachelor party, etc. Not to mention just the hassle of it all. Trust me, you're not missing anything!


BUT.....if it's really bothering you I would ask your friend who is standing up in your wedding why he didn't choose you to stand up in his. Sometimes people only have family stand up so they don't offend anyone.
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Old 06-19-2017, 09:55 AM
 
8,080 posts, read 13,414,391 times
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I really think you need to step back and evaluate each friendship
on its own merits. Ignore the wedding issue while you do this.

If you feel that a friend is not a true friend and is using you then
either end the friendship or distance yourself.

Maybe they are true friends but don't feel as close to you as you do to them.

If you feel a friend is a good, trusted and valued friend then don't ruin that
over this wedding issue.

Just assume that there is a reason they made the choices they did.
It could be to keep the bride or in-laws happy.
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Old 06-19-2017, 09:57 AM
 
16,990 posts, read 20,594,508 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by basketballcoach View Post
Being in the wedding party is an exclusive honor and it means that you don't have to be regular guest who just watching from the sidelines.
And there we have it.

This with your earlier comments show it's "all about you", you can't stand not being in the limelight and let someone else have their day. All your comments(and this was brought up by a few posters) focused on you, you never mention the couple and it being their day. Or how some people mentioned that perhaps there were family obligations to fill the wedding party with relatives.

Just all about you and you being offended.

You see if you're in the wedding party your at the head table, you're getting photographed, etc.

This is very narcissistic behavior.
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Old 06-19-2017, 09:59 AM
 
16,990 posts, read 20,594,508 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech View Post
We didn't need to know that OP, so I'm guessing you buy your friendship from these people as it is.
I would also guess he frequently tells people this, which isn't too smart.

When you inherit money, you keep your mouth shut for several reasons.
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Old 06-19-2017, 11:22 AM
 
20,301 posts, read 16,471,247 times
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Many groomsmen include male members of the bride's family as well. Perhaps he included his new brother in-law and his closest friends and reached the limit (has to be the same number as Bridesmaids). Just because you do a lot for him doesn't mean you're closer to him than others, perhaps he has a group of childhood friends who may not live nearby but are close to him.


I wouldn't choose my bridesmaids based on how much they did for me, I would choose them based on who feels most like family to me. For me that would be the friends I've had since I was 12. They may not "do" much for me now because we don't live near each other anymore, but for sure they're my family.


It's hard for people who have a lot of friends to decide who to include. It's hard because some people make it all about themselves, which IMO it sounds like you are doing.


You sound a BIT like my ex...he would do everything for everybody, go way overboard, but he held a secret IOU list and none of it was selfless in truth, he was buying something with those favors but not telling the buyer they were signing a contract. He was always tantruming how he wasn't appreciated but truthfully he was a judgemental and angry person who had no boundaries and was always a hair trigger away from a tantrum.


This may not be you, but my hackles go up when someone says "I did so much for ____ and they don't appreciate me!"
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