U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 06-17-2017, 08:37 AM
 
12 posts, read 8,351 times
Reputation: 15

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by bus man View Post
If I had to guess, I would say that being excluded from the wedding party is not intended to be an insult against the OP. Rather, since it's the brides who do the vast majority of the wedding planning, it's they who are largely responsible for choosing the wedding parties. And if it comes down to either picking her brothers and closest cousins, or one of the groom's friends, then there's the answer.


And while I agree with the posters who are telling the OP to count his blessings by NOT being included, that's beside the point. The OP is being denied an experience that is important to him, and I think it's reasonable for him to be upset.


My advice to the OP would be to invite whoever you want, either in the wedding party or as guests, and enjoy your day. Don't dwell on any slights, real or imagined, but enjoy the company of your friends on this important day.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frostnip View Post
Most brides and grooms have siblings and/or close relatives who sort of fill those positions by default, regardless of who the bride and groom actually feel closest to. Wedding parties are more often about familial politics than about sentiment.

I wouldn't take it personally unless the groom asked, like, your whole circle of buddies but not you.
Most of my friends weddings have been a mix of friends and relatives. There was one wedding where my friend who is an only child asked close friends except me.






Quote:
Originally Posted by Katana49 View Post
OP, I think your attitude about this is precisely why you haven't been included in any wedding parties. Drama. No one wants to have a member of their wedding party with such a petulant attitude.

A wedding day for someone is not about you in any way shape or form. You should be glad you were invited to attend, but apparently that isn't good enough for you? If I were one of your friends and I knew that about you, I'd feel disgusted I invited you at all.

And being miffed about not being chosen as a godfather??? You've got to be kidding me. Parents choose a godfather for a variety of reasons. Sometimes they'll choose a family member, sometimes a best friend, sometimes a friend who isn't nearly as close. They're looking for the best choice for their child, and your feelings are not a factor at all in that.

We picked two of my friends to be godparents. We had lots of friends we are much closer to. But the people we chose, we did so for several reasons. They both have good jobs and are good with their finances. We don't have to worry about them blowing our daughter's inheritance after they take her in if we were gone. They also have children about the same age as our daughter. They are both highly educated. We've known them for decades. We felt that growing up with them if we were gone would be the least traumatic/stressful for our daughter.

My best friend didn't get the nod because he has 2 boys who are older, a wife who has medical issues and her own challenges, and they make about half what we do. We didn't want any funds for our daughter being used to put their kids through college, for example. Their support network (parents and family) are scattered across the country. That means they get less help if an issue arose and could possibly mean they'd have to move to be closer to family and uproot our daughter from here.

Being a godparent is not a decision to make lightly, and the fact that you think it has anything to do with YOU means you aren't fit to be one.
I don't cause drama. I keep a lot of my feelings to myself. None of my friends know that I'm hurt about not being in their weddings. My fiancee is the only one that knows. I'm tired of always being a guest in weddings. It hurts seeing the same people get asked to be in weddings and no one gives me a chance.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 06-17-2017, 08:43 AM
 
12 posts, read 8,351 times
Reputation: 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post
The bolded part is the only thing to be bent out of shape over.

You are going to have the experience of being in a wedding, in fact the most important one, YOUR OWN.



You are part of their day, you're an invited guest. You keep saying you don't care about cost and I'm guessing you're on the young side. The money and aggravation you have been saved could be invested or spent on really nice vacation for you and your bride.



A very small thing, again I'm guessing the OP is young. I'm now over 50 and I could care less if I ever go to another wedding. Went to several in my 20s, I am not in contact with any of these people. All but one couple that I know is divorced.



Exactly.

I'm not in my 20s. I'm 31 and I make a good living and I inherited a very large sum of money when my grandmother passed away. I don't have to worry that much about money.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-17-2017, 08:51 AM
 
Location: South Carolina
13,821 posts, read 18,803,182 times
Reputation: 24495
simple get rid of these friends and make new ones . You don't need people as friends who leave you out of everything .
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-17-2017, 09:01 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
22,571 posts, read 24,160,556 times
Reputation: 48986
Quote:
Originally Posted by basketballcoach View Post

I don't cause drama. I keep a lot of my feelings to myself. None of my friends know that I'm hurt about not being in their weddings.
If you can't even talk to them about how you're feeling, then how good a friend are you? They don't know that anything is bothering you if you don't tell them. I'm getting the sense that this is reflective of your relationship with this guys--you think of them as your best friends, they think of you as an acquaintance who helps out.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-17-2017, 09:41 AM
 
Location: SW Pennsylvania, USA
21,671 posts, read 874,244 times
Reputation: 1275
Quote:
Originally Posted by basketballcoach View Post
I'm getting married next fall. I have 5 guys as groomsmen and my step-brother as best man.
I'm fed up of always being left out of friends' and relatives' weddings. I found out last night that one of my groosmen who is also engaged and will be getting married next year picked his wedding party and I'm not in it.
I go out of my way for my friends and relatives all the time. My fiancee and I host parties at our house all the time. I allow them to stay with me when many are in town. I've lent money to various people and when a cousin's wife was seriously injured in a car accident, I took care of that friend's two sons for days at a time so he could be at the hospital with her. They later had a third child and I kept hoping I would be asked to the godfather, but they asked some relative who two states away and they barely see that person.
I'm tired of not being appreciated and I don't feel like I'm good enough for my friends since they keep leaving me out of weddings. Anyone else have similar experiences. I just wish I could have the experience of being in at least one wedding.
The wedding(s) that will mean the most to you, other than your own, will include you when the time comes. Don't dwell on being left out or on what you've done for others. Continue being there for your family and friends if they need you and because you can, not because you want them to remember you reciprocally.

Maybe others were chosen before you for reasons having nothing to do with you.
Maybe you'very done lots for others, and they think "putting you to work" won't allow you to enjoy the moment as an invited guest at their wedding after all you've done for them. (You see now how thought processes can vary from person to person?) No two people will have identical feelings and opinions and reactions to a matter.

Also, there are times when the unexpected happens, and guess who may function as the man of the hour, even though he isn't part of the wedding party?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-17-2017, 09:42 AM
 
17,002 posts, read 20,690,362 times
Reputation: 33993
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katana49 View Post
OP, I think your attitude about this is precisely why you haven't been included in any wedding parties. Drama. No one wants to have a member of their wedding party with such a petulant attitude.

A wedding day for someone is not about you in any way shape or form.
You should be glad you were invited to attend, but apparently that isn't good enough for you? If I were one of your friends and I knew that about you, I'd feel disgusted I invited you at all.

And being miffed about not being chosen as a godfather??? You've got to be kidding me. Parents choose a godfather for a variety of reasons. Sometimes they'll choose a family member, sometimes a best friend, sometimes a friend who isn't nearly as close. They're looking for the best choice for their child, and your feelings are not a factor at all in that.

We picked two of my friends to be godparents. We had lots of friends we are much closer to. But the people we chose, we did so for several reasons. They both have good jobs and are good with their finances. We don't have to worry about them blowing our daughter's inheritance after they take her in if we were gone. They also have children about the same age as our daughter. They are both highly educated. We've known them for decades. We felt that growing up with them if we were gone would be the least traumatic/stressful for our daughter.

My best friend didn't get the nod because he has 2 boys who are older, a wife who has medical issues and her own challenges, and they make about half what we do. We didn't want any funds for our daughter being used to put their kids through college, for example. Their support network (parents and family) are scattered across the country. That means they get less help if an issue arose and could possibly mean they'd have to move to be closer to family and uproot our daughter from here.

Being a godparent is not a decision to make lightly, and the fact that you think it has anything to do with YOU means you aren't fit to be one.
I think you hit on something here, lot of "all about me" on a day that isn't about the OP. Being invited to the wedding should be more than enough.

This isn't just one "friend", this is a few people. When it starts to be more than one ortwo people, the individual has to look inward at what they're doing.



Quote:
Originally Posted by basketballcoach View Post
I'm not in my 20s. I'm 31 and I make a good living and I inherited a very large sum of money when my grandmother passed away. I don't have to worry that much about money.
That's great. That still doesn't mean you have to spend it.

I live in LA and know a couple of well known actors(not friends but acquaintances), one of them was commenting one time on how much something cost in a store and thought it was overpriced, and how they wouldn't pay that much. I remember thinking they could afford to buy out the whole store and the building....LOL.

The point is you don't have to spend the money just because you have it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
If you can't even talk to them about how you're feeling, then how good a friend are you? They don't know that anything is bothering you if you don't tell them. I'm getting the sense that this is reflective of your relationship with this guys--you think of them as your best friends, they think of you as an acquaintance who helps out.
Good point. I still find it odd that this has happened more than once.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-17-2017, 09:45 AM
 
12,301 posts, read 15,205,734 times
Reputation: 8108
Count your blessings.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-17-2017, 09:45 AM
 
Location: Canada
9,076 posts, read 8,351,665 times
Reputation: 19439
Quote:
Originally Posted by basketballcoach View Post
Most of my friends weddings have been a mix of friends and relatives. There was one wedding where my friend who is an only child asked close friends except me.


I don't cause drama. I keep a lot of my feelings to myself. None of my friends know that I'm hurt about not being in their weddings. My fiancee is the only one that knows. I'm tired of always being a guest in weddings. It hurts seeing the same people get asked to be in weddings and no one gives me a chance.
Gives you a chance? I wonder if you simply invest more meaning into it than the average person. What does it mean to you to be in the wedding party versus being a guest?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-17-2017, 09:57 AM
 
3,460 posts, read 2,201,316 times
Reputation: 6131
Quote:
Originally Posted by basketballcoach View Post
I'm getting married next fall. I have 5 guys as groomsmen and my step-brother as best man.
I'm fed up of always being left out of friends' and relatives' weddings. I found out last night that one of my groosmen who is also engaged and will be getting married next year picked his wedding party and I'm not in it.
I go out of my way for my friends and relatives all the time. My fiancee and I host parties at our house all the time. I allow them to stay with me when many are in town. I've lent money to various people and when a cousin's wife was seriously injured in a car accident, I took care of that friend's two sons for days at a time so he could be at the hospital with her. They later had a third child and I kept hoping I would be asked to the godfather, but they asked some relative who two states away and they barely see that person.
I'm tired of not being appreciated and I don't feel like I'm good enough for my friends since they keep leaving me out of weddings. Anyone else have similar experiences. I just wish I could have the experience of being in at least one wedding.
You don't feel appreciated, so stop doing this. Don't continue to be their doormat any longer. It's the whole "You aren't cool enough for the cool kids table" in school all over again. Have self-respect and don't play their childish games any longer. They need a place to stay, tell them to Google for a hotel. They need money, tell them to talk to the bank for a loan, because you aren't a bank. They need someone to take care of their kids, tell them to look for a professional. They have a wedding, send a greeting card congratulating them, no present and don't attend.

"Don't feel like I'm good enough"...no, it is THEY who aren't good enough. Find better and more appreciative friends. Stop being a pushover for them.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-17-2017, 10:12 AM
 
12 posts, read 8,351 times
Reputation: 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post
The bolded part is the only thing to be bent out of shape over.

You are going to have the experience of being in a wedding, in fact the most important one, YOUR OWN.



You are part of their day, you're an invited guest. You keep saying you don't care about cost and I'm guessing you're on the young side. The money and aggravation you have been saved could be invested or spent on really nice vacation for you and your bride.



A very small thing, again I'm guessing the OP is young. I'm now over 50 and I could care less if I ever go to another wedding. Went to several in my 20s, I am not in contact with any of these people. All but one couple that I know is divorced.



Exactly.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
If you can't even talk to them about how you're feeling, then how good a friend are you? They don't know that anything is bothering you if you don't tell them. I'm getting the sense that this is reflective of your relationship with this guys--you think of them as your best friends, they think of you as an acquaintance who helps out.
I have told them about certain problems in my life like my parents' recent health issues and my fiancee having trouble finding a job a couple of years ago. They don't see me as an acquaintance, last summer one friend asked me to help him plan his father's funeral. I have gone on hunting and fishing trips with these friends numerous times.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top