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Old 06-17-2017, 10:15 AM
 
12 posts, read 8,362 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011 View Post
Gives you a chance? I wonder if you simply invest more meaning into it than the average person. What does it mean to you to be in the wedding party versus being a guest?
Being in the wedding party is an exclusive honor and it means that you don't have to be regular guest who just watching from the sidelines.
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Old 06-17-2017, 11:21 AM
 
Location: Middle of the Pacific Ocean
11,726 posts, read 6,305,954 times
Reputation: 11562
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
Being in weddings is actually a huge pain in the butt. Attending weddings is a cakewalk. Be glad.
I agree. The last wedding I was in cost me a pretty penny when factoring in tuxedo rental, bachelor party responsibilities, etc. The first wedding I was in wasn't cheap either. With one or two exceptions, I think I'd decline another invitation to be in someone's wedding.
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Old 06-17-2017, 11:30 AM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
12,304 posts, read 10,777,599 times
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I count my lucky stars that I've been in 2 weddings in my entire life - my own and a cousin's when I was 5 and I was the flower girl. More than enough for me! Who needs the hassle and expense?
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Old 06-17-2017, 12:11 PM
 
Location: Tucson Arizona
3,906 posts, read 1,660,529 times
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I get what you're saying. I've only been in one wedding, my brother's.
I had 5 bridesmaids in my wedding; 3 got married later and didn't ask me to be part of the wedding party.
We had 5 groomsmen, too; 1 got married later and didn't ask my husband.

Sort of a parallel situation, I recently discovered that someone I thought was a close friend had a birthday party, but I wasn't invited. When I asked her about it, she rattled off some flimsy excuses. What I realized was that she was on my A list, but I was on her D list. I looked at our relationship and realized that I was always giving her rides to events and going out of my way to help her, but it wasn't reciprocal. She was just taking, but not giving back or showing gratitude. I don't feel good about that, so I dropped her.

You might look at your relationships with people and see if you are the one doing all the giving. Unfortunately, I haven't figured out the part about finding friends who give back.
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Old 06-17-2017, 02:58 PM
 
4,070 posts, read 3,101,817 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by basketballcoach View Post
I know it's weird that I long to be in a wedding.
Truer words have never been spoken. I saw this thread pop up in the active threads on the forum box and I was convinced the OP had to be a woman. Go figure.

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Old 06-17-2017, 03:05 PM
 
Location: Canada
9,077 posts, read 8,353,931 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by basketballcoach View Post
Being in the wedding party is an exclusive honor and it means that you don't have to be regular guest who just watching from the sidelines.
This isn't a football game. Not everyone can be in the wedding party and you aren't less than if you're "just" a guest.

My husband was best man in 5 weddings. For our wedding, we each had one attendant so it's not like 4 didn't matter or weren't as important. He had one as best man, one did a reading, one ran the camcorder at the last minute, and one was in charge of the music during the ceremony.

We also only had 30 people total so there were plenty of family, let alone friends, that didn't get invited because of cost and venue size. I have one cousin who still moans about not getting invited and he has one friend who wasn't invited that seems to have dropped him coincidentally after the wedding. Everyone else who either wasn't in the wedding or at the wedding has been perfectly fine. And on top of it all, my mother was diagnosed with a terminal illness right after our wedding so it tends to put life in perspective.

The strength of my friendships has nothing to do with their weddings. It's one day, a drop in the bucket in the life of a friendship. If you value your friends and feel they value you too, you are fortunate.
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Old 06-17-2017, 03:25 PM
 
5,469 posts, read 2,355,127 times
Reputation: 15128
Quote:
Originally Posted by ss20ts View Post
I count my lucky stars that I've been in 2 weddings in my entire life - my own and a cousin's when I was 5 and I was the flower girl. More than enough for me! Who needs the hassle and expense?
X1000. Wanting to be in or go to a wedding? No thanks.
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Old 06-17-2017, 03:35 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
12,304 posts, read 10,777,599 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LLCNYC View Post
X1000. Wanting to be in or go to a wedding? No thanks.
I'd rather eat lead paint chips than go to another money/gift grab.....oops I mean wedding. We just got a Save the Date from someone we haven't even seen in over 15 years! Tell me that's not a money/gift grab. It's NOT happening. Most weddings are ridiculously over the top and not about the couple at all. It's like a circus show. They should put this effort and time into their actual marriage.
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Old 06-17-2017, 05:16 PM
 
Location: State of Washington (2016)
3,574 posts, read 2,395,012 times
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OP, I do understand how you feel and why you feel that way. It does hurt to be excluded by people you care about and thought cared about you. You feel that since they asked other guys in your crowd to be groomsmen, why didn't they ask you too? I don't agree that the brides are always the ones picking the groomsmen, they usually expect the groom to pick the friends and relatives he wants.

I don't remember the originator of this observation, but someone once said, "You don't have to justify or explain why you are hurt, the fact that you are hurt should be enough for the other person to take your feelings seriously," if they care about you.

If you feel it is worth it, mention to one of them casually, that you would have liked to be considered when he was choosing groomsmen for his wedding and listen to his response. Maybe, just maybe, your friends aren't aware of your feelings of being snubbed and would feel bad if they realized you were. Or, maybe one of them intentionally did not choose you and will be honest enough to tell you why.

If I were you, I would consider picking different groomsmen for your own wedding and just let these "friends" be wedding guests.
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Old 06-17-2017, 05:33 PM
 
3,985 posts, read 1,706,801 times
Reputation: 8116
Quote:
Originally Posted by LLCNYC View Post
X1000. Wanting to be in or go to a wedding? No thanks.
Tell me about it. I'm female and tell friends that if they really like me, they would do me the favor of not asking me to come to their wedding at all because I really do not enjoy them! I am more than happy to send a gift!
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