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Old 06-18-2017, 07:42 AM
 
Location: Camberville
12,045 posts, read 16,786,314 times
Reputation: 19809

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This is why I have always held firm that I will not have bridesmaids or groomsmen at my wedding. Too many hurt feelings, way too much money.
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Old 06-18-2017, 08:05 AM
 
Location: Canada
9,077 posts, read 8,357,508 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dblackga View Post
How well do you get along with their wives? By the time a groom satisfies his mom with relatives (brothers, cousins, BFFs) and satisfies his FIANCEE'S desires to include her brother(s), etc. there may not be much room left. If it comes down to the bride's brother and you, you are going to get the shaft. :-) And being a godparent has varying degrees of significance to different families and different religions.
Very good point about Godparents. We are Godparents to my husband's best friend's son, but that is more an honorary title, as they have 4 children and i don't imagine the kids would actually get divvied up amongst the Godparents if the parents died. We are also Godparents to our two nephews but it is also written in their wills that we would become the guardians/caretakers if mom and dad died.
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Old 06-18-2017, 09:18 AM
 
Location: Arizona
5,967 posts, read 5,317,347 times
Reputation: 18031
Most people don't want to be in a wedding party because they have been in one or more. The OP has never been in one.

Think about when you were 22, best friend since childhood getting married, and you aren't asked to be in the wedding. You would be hurt. You would feel betrayed like the OP does. Now most likely after the first one you will hope to never be asked again because it is a PITA but you don't know that at the time.
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Old 06-18-2017, 10:09 AM
 
Location: NC
151 posts, read 83,399 times
Reputation: 313
Quote:
Originally Posted by dblackga View Post
How well do you get along with their wives? By the time a groom satisfies his mom with relatives (brothers, cousins, BFFs) and satisfies his FIANCEE'S desires to include her brother(s), etc. there may not be much room left. If it comes down to the bride's brother and you, you are going to get the shaft.
I've not been around enough weddings to know whether this is standard practice. But this is part of the reason why I've decided to decline an invitation to be in my sister's wedding if I'm asked. I'd hate for one of her fiance's friends to feel slighted, like the OP does, if he's left out so that I can be in the wedding party.
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Old 06-18-2017, 10:16 AM
 
8,080 posts, read 13,473,838 times
Reputation: 10322
Quote:
Originally Posted by strandedx02 View Post
I've not been around enough weddings to know whether this is standard practice. But this is part of the reason why I've decided to decline an invitation to be in my sister's wedding if I'm asked. I'd hate for one of her fiance's friends to feel slighted, like the OP does, if he's left out so that I can be in the wedding party.
What is your real reason ??
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Old 06-18-2017, 10:22 AM
 
Location: NC
151 posts, read 83,399 times
Reputation: 313
Quote:
Originally Posted by kelly237 View Post
What is your real reason ??
That seriously is part of the reason!

The other part is that I'm a photographer and think I could help make their day special by putting those skills to use, either instead of them paying for one or by coordinating with the photographer they hire. Giving them something beautiful to help them remember the occasion is how I think I'd best be able to contribute.

edited to add: I should also note that he has a larger family and more close friends than my sister does, so it stands to reason that he would be the one having to leave people out of the wedding party on his side. Since I can help with the wedding another way, I'd prefer just to do that instead of making the planning process even more difficult.

Last edited by strandedx02; 06-18-2017 at 10:45 AM..
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Old 06-18-2017, 10:58 AM
 
8,080 posts, read 13,473,838 times
Reputation: 10322
Quote:
Originally Posted by strandedx02 View Post
That seriously is part of the reason!

The other part is that I'm a photographer and think I could help make their day special by putting those skills to use, either instead of them paying for one or by coordinating with the photographer they hire. Giving them something beautiful to help them remember the occasion is how I think I'd best be able to contribute.

edited to add: I should also note that he has a larger family and more close friends than my sister does, so it stands to reason that he would be the one having to leave people out of the wedding party on his side. Since I can help with the wedding another way, I'd prefer just to do that instead of making the planning process even more difficult.


What makes the planning process easier is for the planning & inviting to be left to the bride & groom.
Each person telling them how they would like to contribute would make it much more difficult.

If they want you doing photography they will tell you.
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Old 06-18-2017, 11:42 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
22,580 posts, read 24,175,458 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kelly237 View Post
If they want you doing photography they will tell you.
Plus, the photographer has kind of a thankless job. They have to be working the entire time, before/after/during both the ceremony and the reception. At least with being an attendant or doing a reading you don't have to be "on" the whole time. (and if you're just a guest, you don't have to do any of it! )
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Old 06-18-2017, 12:09 PM
 
16 posts, read 13,216 times
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I had conflicted feelings about weddings in my twenties. Most of my friends from high school got married around 23 or so. I was afraid of getting sidetracked by a romance gone bad....my parents relationship wasn't very good so that influenced me.

Anyway I seemed t o be on the periphery of my circle of friends. The song Solitary Man was written about me...I knew it as soon as I heard it when I was 10.. I had fun with my HS friends but learned to have low expectations as far as my standing in the group. There was a girl from my group who was sweet on me, hut I just wasn't ready at 23. One of my regrets, but if I wasn't ready, it may not have ended.well.

So, I was in exactly one wedding. ..my own. It was a fairly small event...and I was fine wit h that.
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Old 06-18-2017, 12:17 PM
 
Location: Southern California
23,785 posts, read 8,308,152 times
Reputation: 15503
Be thankful for the $$$ and time you are saving. Why count on all being equal, life is not this way.
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