U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Closed Thread Start New Thread
 
Old 06-16-2017, 04:15 PM
 
1,187 posts, read 803,101 times
Reputation: 2573

Advertisements

This will sound sexist but I am female and date males, so....


The last bazillion males I've gone out with show zero interest in anything I see, think, do, life in general etc...


is that a real thing? No interest for real? I genuinely like to know stuff about others, even minute stuff like "ooo you had lunch? What did you have for lunch? Oh yum..."


But for men I date or befriend, well...they have no interest. I understand if a guy doesn't have interest in a woman he won't show interest, but some are guys I date awhile, even a year, or am friends with for a long time.


I notice I am losing interests in these guys/have lost because they have not asked even one question about me. Is it many people truly have NO interest in others? Or is it poor skills? Or or or?


Most will politely listen to me jabber on, so they do get some credit. I like to be funny and engaging but for a big dull dud it is hard to keep up the energy. That and I feel self conscious - like I am the dumbest most boring person in the world so of course they don't care what I say.


I've been told I'm easy to talk to so that leaves me even more confused.


Or, am I really that boring?

 
Old 06-16-2017, 05:07 PM
 
3,531 posts, read 1,754,663 times
Reputation: 6231
How old are you? The older I get the less interested I am in the jib jab that dating initially requires.
 
Old 06-16-2017, 05:21 PM
 
Location: Arizona
5,904 posts, read 5,253,739 times
Reputation: 17811
People like conversation not chit chat.

Asking questions is being nosy. Things about a person will come out in conversation over time.
 
Old 06-16-2017, 05:21 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,578 posts, read 14,187,164 times
Reputation: 30198
If the guy likes you, has feelings for you and eventually loves you, he should be interested in YOU. If he is never interested in you, then I'd say you were wasting your time and his.

I don't know how you find someone who seems interested in you, but I think the key is in the relationship. I do agree that keeping up the energy in a one way conversation is hard. I am one of those people who works to hold up my end. One of the attractions I provided DH when we were dating was that I talked to him. He is not a fab conversationalist. So, I get what you are saying. Its all on you.

But it seems to me that if they guy is interested in dating you, he should be interested in you. Otherwise I don't know what you guys are doing spending time dating.

Maybe these guys are you are dating are better off as casual friends. If you are passionate about something, get involved and meet people who share the same passion. And perhaps someone else here has another idea.
 
Old 06-16-2017, 06:06 PM
 
Location: Athol, Idaho
2,182 posts, read 1,158,902 times
Reputation: 3210
I think you just haven't met the right one yet

I've been married a long time and the two of us are interested in each others day, stuff that happened and whatever. Aren't all successful relationships like that?
 
Old 06-16-2017, 08:11 PM
 
16,992 posts, read 20,598,336 times
Reputation: 33956
Quote:
Originally Posted by magpiehere View Post
This will sound sexist but I am female and date males, so....


The last bazillion males I've gone out with show zero interest in anything I see, think, do, life in general etc...


is that a real thing? No interest for real? I genuinely like to know stuff about others, even minute stuff like "ooo you had lunch? What did you have for lunch? Oh yum..."


But for men I date or befriend, well...they have no interest. I understand if a guy doesn't have interest in a woman he won't show interest, but some are guys I date awhile, even a year, or am friends with for a long time.


I notice I am losing interests in these guys/have lost because they have not asked even one question about me. Is it many people truly have NO interest in others? Or is it poor skills? Or or or?


Most will politely listen to me jabber on, so they do get some credit. I like to be funny and engaging but for a big dull dud it is hard to keep up the energy. That and I feel self conscious - like I am the dumbest most boring person in the world so of course they don't care what I say.


I've been told I'm easy to talk to so that leaves me even more confused.


Or, am I really that boring?
Haven't you noticed we live in a very self absorbed narcissistic society these days. It's "all about me".

I have an old friend who lives back east, I have pretty much distanced myself because her emails are paragraphs of every little detail including names of restaurants(I live in CA, IDK these towns or places), and she always ends or starts with "Hope all is well"(which means nothing). Had an unxpected death here in the family back in March, she hasn't even asked or commented other than after I told her back in March.

Was just talking to someone who reconnected through Facebook with an old friend from HS, they met for a 3 hour lunch and this person didn't ask them one question about themselves, just talked about herself. That was the last lunch.

So no, it's not you, it's a sign of the times.

Quote:
Originally Posted by thinkalot View Post
People like conversation not chit chat.

Asking questions is being nosy. Things about a person will come out in conversation over time.
How do you have conversation if only one person is doing all the talking?

It's nosy if you ask "how much money do you have in your savings account?", it's not nosy to ask "how are you?, were born and raised here in NY, do you have siblings, what are your interests?".
 
Old 06-17-2017, 07:34 AM
 
Location: Arizona
5,904 posts, read 5,253,739 times
Reputation: 17811
Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post
Haven't you noticed we live in a very self absorbed narcissistic society these days. It's "all about me".

I have an old friend who lives back east, I have pretty much distanced myself because her emails are paragraphs of every little detail including names of restaurants(I live in CA, IDK these towns or places), and she always ends or starts with "Hope all is well"(which means nothing). Had an unxpected death here in the family back in March, she hasn't even asked or commented other than after I told her back in March.

Was just talking to someone who reconnected through Facebook with an old friend from HS, they met for a 3 hour lunch and this person didn't ask them one question about themselves, just talked about herself. That was the last lunch.

So no, it's not you, it's a sign of the times.



How do you have conversation if only one person is doing all the talking?

It's nosy if you ask "how much money do you have in your savings account?", it's not nosy to ask "how are you?, were born and raised here in NY, do you have siblings, what are your interests?".
I think it is the OP.

I have a neighbor that goes to see every new person. It is like an inquisition. She wants to know where they are from, where they worked, children, college, etc. As I said those things will come out over time. No one wants to be interviewed.

If a person wanted to know what I had for lunch I would wonder why she didn't have anything better to talk about.

Running into an old friend is different. You already know the person well and you are just getting an update.
 
Old 06-17-2017, 10:31 AM
 
Location: Planet Earth, USA
1,644 posts, read 1,776,821 times
Reputation: 3324
Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post
Haven't you noticed we live in a very self absorbed narcissistic society these days. It's "all about me".

So no, it's not you, it's a sign of the times..
Back in the day people would talk on the phone for hours. Telling stories about interesting stuff that happened throughout the day, the past, good problems, bad problems, marital/relationship advice, current events etc.

Now a days they call it dumping. For awhile, people only wanted to hear "positive" things and anyone with any kind of problem was too negative that they needed to remove from thier life. It affected thier aura
 
Old 06-17-2017, 11:18 AM
 
16,992 posts, read 20,598,336 times
Reputation: 33956
Quote:
Originally Posted by thinkalot View Post
I think it is the OP.

I have a neighbor that goes to see every new person. It is like an inquisition. She wants to know where they are from, where they worked, children, college, etc. As I said those things will come out over time. No one wants to be interviewed.

If a person wanted to know what I had for lunch I would wonder why she didn't have anything better to talk about.

Running into an old friend is different. You already know the person well and you are just getting an update.
I agree, noboby wants the Spanish Inquisition. And yes, it's best to get to know people over time.

But I think you're missing the point. Many today only talk about THEMSELVES. The example I gave with the 3 hour lunch, old friends from years ago, and the one woman did ask or show any interest in the other one. Just talked about herself. These were "old friends" that hadn't seen each other in 30 years, not two weeks ago.

Many today are only interested in themselves.

Again, you can't have a "conversation" if only one person is talking.

Quote:
Originally Posted by behindthescreen View Post
Back in the day people would talk on the phone for hours. Telling stories about interesting stuff that happened throughout the day, the past, good problems, bad problems, marital/relationship advice, current events etc.

Now a days they call it dumping. For awhile, people only wanted to hear "positive" things and anyone with any kind of problem was too negative that they needed to remove from thier life. It affected thier aura
Exactly, and they don't even want to talk on the phone at all.

I think in the future humans will be fat blobs that don't communicate directly at all. I'm glad I'm over 50 now.
 
Old 06-17-2017, 11:28 AM
 
Location: Eagle
44 posts, read 38,405 times
Reputation: 123
If you ask a woman questions you're are invading their privacy.

If you don't ask a woman questions you're not interested in them.

There is no way to win this.Moderator cut: delete

Last edited by Miss Blue; 06-17-2017 at 06:40 PM.. Reason: sexist comment
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Closed Thread

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 02:03 AM.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top