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Old 06-17-2017, 11:58 AM
 
3,093 posts, read 2,185,247 times
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This morning, I was with an acquaintance and we were talking about this and that. He got around to discussing me and said that I was very articulate and spoke my mind. "But," he went on to say, "I've heard others say that you talk mean - and I gotta admit, sometimes you do come off as sounding mean." By that he meant I have a tendency to sound mean and confrontational, even in my natural speaking voice.
My take on it was that it's not meanness I'm giving out - it's self-confidence! People like someone who is confident, and sure, but NOT cocky or narcissistic! So when I got home, I recorded myself speaking, as I'm actually breaking into some voiceover work. Recorded myself speaking, not announcing. I admit, there is some "clippage" given my New York upbringing, and sometimes I'm heavier on my words, but mean? I doubt it.
Ever had people criticize your way of speaking?
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Old 06-17-2017, 12:59 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,150 posts, read 70,049,185 times
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It's hard for us to judge, of course, since we're not able to observe you in person. But I can relate to your view that's it's merely self-confidence (and perhaps tone of voice?) that gets this reaction. On occasion, I've been called "opinionated", mainly by other women. This, after only tossing a remark into a conversation, nothing more. Eventually, I had to look up the meaning of the word, because it didn't make sense in the context in which it was used. It made me wonder if women weren't supposed to express opinions, other than favorable ones.

After learning the definition of the term, I felt my suspicion was confirmed. "Opinionated" is about insisting on your view, almost belligerently; it's not about simply expressing an opinion, even a strong one. So I agree with you, that it's entirely possibly people are reacting to your speaking confidently, however matter-of-fact your statements may be. In the case of women, there's also a perception that women should express "nice" opinions. Also, Rick, a lot of people in our culture have trouble with assertiveness, both men and women. So normal assertiveness, perhaps stating that some 3rd party in a situation being discussed is wrong, could come across as meanness to people used to sweeping controversy under the rug.

I don't know if this helps, or is pertinent to your situation. I would also add that speaking into a microphone at home is different from interacting with other people. Interactions can raise emotions that are expressed somewhat subconsciously via tone of voice, choice of words, and so on. So you may not be capturing all the dynamics in your speech when you record alone at home.
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Old 06-17-2017, 02:37 PM
 
16,801 posts, read 14,467,642 times
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Since you already are being treated for anger management problems, have almost lost your job due to belligerant behaviours, and posters have repeatedly called you out for your dramatic outbursts here, I would tend to take your acquaintance's opinion as truth.
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Old 06-17-2017, 03:11 PM
 
3,093 posts, read 2,185,247 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
Since you already are being treated for anger management problems, have almost lost your job due to belligerant behaviours, and posters have repeatedly called you out for your dramatic outbursts here, I would tend to take your acquaintance's opinion as truth.
Why can't you just consider that attitudes can be changed? I've also subsequently posted about someone who became confrontational with me - and I just walked away. I've learned that it's not worth it - what goes around comes around, and I did in fact get a taste of what I dished out.

All I said was that I speak/act in a manner that shows confidence. I'm not trying to intimidate anyone. I paid my debts for the past mishaps. Zentropa, I'm only trying to move forward. Those matters are a hundred miles behind me, so why look back?
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Old 06-17-2017, 03:44 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,150 posts, read 70,049,185 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
Since you already are being treated for anger management problems, have almost lost your job due to belligerant behaviours, and posters have repeatedly called you out for your dramatic outbursts here, I would tend to take your acquaintance's opinion as truth.
Yikes, really? Well, I'm taking the OP's post at face value, which may be naive, but--so be it.
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Old 06-17-2017, 04:21 PM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
31,390 posts, read 19,800,698 times
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You come across mean here, and the things you have shared here make you seem like a mean person.
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Old 06-17-2017, 04:26 PM
 
Location: Bloomington IN
6,505 posts, read 7,754,151 times
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I know plenty of men and women that speak with confidence. None of them sound mean.

Those that actually give the impression of being the most confident sound very calm, almost light-hearted and articulate.
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Old 06-17-2017, 04:47 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,636 posts, read 14,232,924 times
Reputation: 30279
Quote:
Originally Posted by ItsRick24 View Post
This morning, I was with an acquaintance and we were talking about this and that. He got around to discussing me and said that I was very articulate and spoke my mind. "But," he went on to say, "I've heard others say that you talk mean - and I gotta admit, sometimes you do come off as sounding mean." By that he meant I have a tendency to sound mean and confrontational, even in my natural speaking voice.
My take on it was that it's not meanness I'm giving out - it's self-confidence! People like someone who is confident, and sure, but NOT cocky or narcissistic! So when I got home, I recorded myself speaking, as I'm actually breaking into some voiceover work. Recorded myself speaking, not announcing. I admit, there is some "clippage" given my New York upbringing, and sometimes I'm heavier on my words, but mean? I doubt it.
Ever had people criticize your way of speaking?
It doesn't matter what you think you sound like; what matters is what others hear you say. If someone told you you sound mean, I'd take that as constructive criticism.

However you are used to talking, others around you don't know what to make of you when you talk.

So, figure out how to communicate in a less "in your face" way.

All of us have had to learn how to modify our behavior in some ways as we progress through life. Use the confrontational style only when you have to; that's my advice.
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Old 06-17-2017, 04:55 PM
 
Location: Lake Grove
2,753 posts, read 1,964,270 times
Reputation: 4455
Both sides need to chill out a little. Sometimes the "victim" is a highly sensitive person who needs everyone to tip toe around them. Sometimes, people really do out of habit always prove they're the big dog in the room, with the don't mess with me attitude, even when totally unnecessary. Seems to be a New York thing, and I hate that attitude.
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Old 06-17-2017, 05:11 PM
 
902 posts, read 648,523 times
Reputation: 908
Quote:
Originally Posted by ItsRick24 View Post
Why can't you just consider that attitudes can be changed? I've also subsequently posted about someone who became confrontational with me - and I just walked away. I've learned that it's not worth it - what goes around comes around, and I did in fact get a taste of what I dished out.

All I said was that I speak/act in a manner that shows confidence. I'm not trying to intimidate anyone. I paid my debts for the past mishaps. Zentropa, I'm only trying to move forward. Those matters are a hundred miles behind me, so why look back?
Some debts can never be repaid. Esp those that speak to character. I've read some of your post. You have a more than slight tendency to come across as having an inability to admit youre wrong. But hey, I enjoy your post. I like folks that are blunt, doesn't bother me. No more so than someone of no opinion. Just an observation. Let it go pal, why do you care of others perception of you, real or imagined.
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