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Old 06-18-2017, 05:37 AM
 
1,672 posts, read 1,240,597 times
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A stepson from my father's current marriage called me and said that my youngest uncle was arrested for domestic violence. I saw the online police report with his name and age. According to the stepson, the uncle's girlfriend was put in the hospital for a week. The stepson said he was disgusted by what the uncle did to his girlfriend. He was put in jail, then was sent to the hospital after getting hurt really bad in a fight.

I told my mother about it, and she sent $5000 (maybe more than that) to bail him out, because nobody else wanted to. The uncle had a court hearing and was issued a restraining order against the girlfriend.

Fast forward a few months, and on<snip>social media I see new pictures of the uncle and the same girlfriend together. He called me recently, and I hear the girlfriend (who I met before) over the phone. The uncle told me that the stepson is coming over his place to hang out with them later on.
My mom was concerned and still talks about how my uncle is messing his life up. But after the stepson called me the first time, nobody on that side of the family said anything to me about what the uncle did. It's like none of this ever happened.
I'm on good terms with my father, and I've known my uncle for a long time, but the stepson hates my guts and is a habitual liar/manipulator.

The whole story smells somehow. I don't know if I'm just letting my paranoia get the best of me.

I'm fudging the story just a bit so I don't identify myself.

Last edited by Miss Blue; 06-18-2017 at 06:49 AM.. Reason: snipped reference to FB which is not allowed. See sticky rule
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Old 06-18-2017, 06:12 AM
 
Location: Bloomington IN
8,590 posts, read 12,248,887 times
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I'm a bit confused by some of the actions here. Is the uncle your father's brother or your mother's brother?

If it's your father's brother, why would your mother, who is no longer related to the uncle via divorce, bail him out?

If it's your mother's brother, why would your father's stepson even be hanging out with your uncle who is not related to him in any way?

The most plausible part of this story is the girlfriend still being the girlfriend, many victims of domestic violence remain with the abuser. It's very difficult for them to leave.

Most people know their uncles for a long time. They're usually older than a niece or nephew (you).
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Old 06-18-2017, 06:23 AM
 
14,376 posts, read 18,282,661 times
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Honestly, I'd just walk away from these people. You don't trust them, and they seem to generate drama between the guy that came bearing tales to you and the uncle who is screwing his life up. Send them cards at Christmas and leave them to their devices.
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Old 06-18-2017, 06:37 AM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
17,764 posts, read 40,039,716 times
Reputation: 18066
The story seems legit to me. Victims of domestic violence (like the uncle's girlfriend) are known for forgiving their abuser and staying with him, despite all the crap they've suffered. And are you missing a chance to gossip negatively about them? Does it make you feel superior when others are messed up? They've moved on from their crisis and maybe (though probably not) they fixed their problems with counseling or the shock of her landing in the hospital with her injuries. And would it really help their situation to keep dwelling on that incident? That said, I'd recommend just staying away from those people AND not telling your parents about any more dramas.

I think that you're biggest and only mistake was telling your mother about the uncle being locked up because then she sent money to bail him out. BTW did she ever get the money back?
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Old 06-18-2017, 08:31 AM
 
1,672 posts, read 1,240,597 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by miu View Post
The story seems legit to me. Victims of domestic violence (like the uncle's girlfriend) are known for forgiving their abuser and staying with him, despite all the crap they've suffered. And are you missing a chance to gossip negatively about them? Does it make you feel superior when others are messed up? They've moved on from their crisis and maybe (though probably not) they fixed their problems with counseling or the shock of her landing in the hospital with her injuries. And would it really help their situation to keep dwelling on that incident? That said, I'd recommend just staying away from those people AND not telling your parents about any more dramas.

I think that you're biggest and only mistake was telling your mother about the uncle being locked up because then she sent money to bail him out. BTW did she ever get the money back?
The main thing that bothers me is my mother and I possibly getting scammed by relatives.
I expected the girlfriend to appear physically hurt, the uncle to appear physically hurt, the stepson to never speak to him again or for a long time (he's one of those militant liberals who is a strong supporter of feminism).

It's my mother's youngest brother. She didn't ask for the money back because they're family. And she's enjoying a comfortable retirement, which is why she's become a magnet for handouts.

The stepson knew the uncle when he was growing up, so I guess they're buddies. I don't know much about their relationship. I only met the stepson recently, and he was just adversarial with me as soon as I met him.

In my adult life, I've tried to distance myself from all the chaos in my family, but I fell on hard times and I find myself living around them again.

I'm not looking for advice, I'm just polling to see how many think the story is real, and how many think it was an elaborate scheme between the uncle, girlfriend and stepson.
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Old 06-18-2017, 09:55 AM
 
Location: Athol, Idaho
2,182 posts, read 1,617,913 times
Reputation: 3219
You admit you fudged it so I think it may be fudged to look like a scheme. Maybe not.

It is your moms money that she can give to whoever she wants. I do sympathize. I have seen something similar happen in my own family and had to come to the conclusion that I could only protect my own financial stuff.

If it is a scheme what can you do about it now? You can try to advise mom. If she's elderly there may be a way to prove her incompetent so she can't give away large sums of money anymore, but that takes work and a court order doesn't it?
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Old 06-18-2017, 11:03 AM
 
7,743 posts, read 15,814,787 times
Reputation: 10451
I can buy the DV issue, with the gf being back with your uncle now. I wouldn't inform your mother nor encourage her to send bail money next time though. That's money down the drain, let your uncle ruin his life on his own. Definitely stay away from the 3.
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Old 06-18-2017, 11:10 AM
 
Location: Canada
7,655 posts, read 5,434,837 times
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Quote:
I'm on good terms with my father
So, why not ask your father what happened?
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Old 06-18-2017, 11:43 AM
 
5,126 posts, read 7,372,292 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nc17 View Post

I saw the online police report with his name and age.
Do you disbelieve the police report?
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Old 06-18-2017, 11:47 AM
 
15,546 posts, read 11,932,453 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cdnirene View Post
So, why not ask your father what happened?
Since it is the OP's mother's brother and his girlfriend, I wouldn't think the OP's father would know much.
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