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Old 06-21-2017, 10:19 AM
 
792 posts, read 435,586 times
Reputation: 698

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Quote:
Originally Posted by picklejuice View Post
OP, your story and situation is all too common. We human beings and parents are far too flawed. It's rare to find a family where everyone is favored and treated equal. After all, we all have favorite foods, favorite clothes,favorite movies, favorite pets, etc., etc.. And sadly, but similar most of us have a favorite aunt, child, family member. The thing that we should try to do is to not make our favoritism so obvious. It's about being tactful and thoughtful. It's about trying to be fair.
I have to agree on this! Went through this a bit in my family.......short version is that out of ten grandchildren, my mom's dad and stepmom seemed to favour/show the most interest in my Uncle Jared's kids, particularly the two boys. (partly a sexist thing, and partly because those boys participated in/excelled at sports)
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Old 06-21-2017, 11:36 AM
 
Location: Somewhere
1,379 posts, read 1,857,941 times
Reputation: 2659
I empathize with you! I too am the only girl. I have 2 older brothers and then a brother almost 8 years younger.

When I was child I really thought that I had been adopted and that my brothers were their biological children....no joke! I was always made to feel inferior especially when it came to intelligence. My father also could not handle any emotions and just automatically assumed that a daughter was way more emotional than any one of his sons could ever be (boy did he get that wrong)!!

Unfortunately I really don't have any solutions for you even after all of my years of dealing with this. And unfortunately if you stay connected it doesn't seem to get any easier. In fact when you get to my age and your parents are starting to need assistance/care it becomes even more difficult because here you are trying to help them (when they won't do anything to help themselves) while being treated like a step child especially when some of the brothers are around.
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Old 06-21-2017, 12:19 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,202 posts, read 70,129,290 times
Reputation: 76024
Quote:
Originally Posted by ss20ts View Post
Sounds like the more time you spend with them, the more you're frustrated. So why not spend less time with them? Having dinner with your parents once a week is far more often than most people do.
This is a good point. In view of the OP's dissatisfaction, one can't help but wonder why on Earth she'd give her parents so much of her time. OP, do you realize that most adult children don't see their parents weekly? A weekly phone call, maybe, but many people only see their parents around certain holidays. Maybe they wouldn't take you for granted so much if they saw you a lot less. The frequency of your visits is unusual.
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Old 06-21-2017, 12:53 PM
 
1,398 posts, read 764,174 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
This is a good point. In view of the OP's dissatisfaction, one can't help but wonder why on Earth she'd give her parents so much of her time. OP, do you realize that most adult children don't see their parents weekly? A weekly phone call, maybe, but many people only see their parents around certain holidays. Maybe they wouldn't take you for granted so much if they saw you a lot less. The frequency of your visits is unusual.
Well they only live a mile away so it's easy for me to go over there and it saves me from cooking lol.

but yes, time to cut back
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Old 06-21-2017, 01:06 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,947 posts, read 17,249,607 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bell235 View Post
I have dinner with them once a week. I do things with my mom once in a while also. Which leads to even MORE frustration. I'm the one that actually spends more quality time with them, but i am the one who gets cast aside. So at this point i think i'm better off actually cutting back on those things.
You have dinner with them once a week?!?

I know adult children who actually live with their parents who have dinner with them far less than once a week. I also know adult children who live literally next door who have dinner with their parents less often.

Sheesh. Unless they are elderly and need caregiving, such as your meal preparation for them to eat healthier, perhaps you need to back off a little.

How often do your brothers eat dinner with your parents?
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Old 06-21-2017, 02:23 PM
 
1,398 posts, read 764,174 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
You have dinner with them once a week?!?

I know adult children who actually live with their parents who have dinner with them far less than once a week. I also know adult children who live literally next door who have dinner with their parents less often.

Sheesh. Unless they are elderly and need caregiving, such as your meal preparation for them to eat healthier, perhaps you need to back off a little.

How often do your brothers eat dinner with your parents?
lol my brothers live further away. one is in a different state, and one is about an hour away. i'm a mile away so usually on Sunday i go over there. I was using it as a way to spend time with them. like i thought it was a good thing. and like i said, i get a free meal lol. obviously i am going to back off now that i am upset. it's just hard because i don't know what my excuse will be. i guess i'll just say i'm cooking something and eating at home.

two of my friends go to their parents for dinner like 2-3 times a week. which believe me, my mom has said "but so and so sees her mom more than once a week".
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Old 06-21-2017, 02:47 PM
 
Location: Athol, Idaho
2,182 posts, read 1,162,250 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bell235 View Post
Well they only live a mile away so it's easy for me to go over there and it saves me from cooking lol.

but yes, time to cut back
l


I know a family that the mom in her 80s cooks dinner every night for her adult children who are married themselves. One or two kids are always there for dinner. This isn't normal in most families. I think you are actually doing something wrong with this and it is using mom if it is being done on a regular basis. It is kind of funny. You've come to the realization that you are putting up with abuse to get free food and it isn't worth it.
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Old 06-21-2017, 02:59 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,202 posts, read 70,129,290 times
Reputation: 76024
Quote:
Originally Posted by bell235 View Post
lol my brothers live further away. one is in a different state, and one is about an hour away. i'm a mile away so usually on Sunday i go over there. I was using it as a way to spend time with them. like i thought it was a good thing. and like i said, i get a free meal lol. obviously i am going to back off now that i am upset. it's just hard because i don't know what my excuse will be. i guess i'll just say i'm cooking something and eating at home.

two of my friends go to their parents for dinner like 2-3 times a week. which believe me, my mom has said "but so and so sees her mom more than once a week".
This is really unusual. Do you live in a part of the US that's very traditional, or where families tend to be very close-knit? EXTREMELY close-knit? Is this common in your community?
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Old 06-21-2017, 03:11 PM
 
4,665 posts, read 2,624,533 times
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I'm in a similar boat. I'm not female... but I'm the youngest of three brothers. My dad in particular has always been far closer to my oldest brother. My mom has been closer to my middle brother, but in recent years is closer to my oldest brother as well.

Even when I was younger, say 8-9, my dad would ask why I couldn't be like my oldest brother. My brothers got nice brand new first cars and I had to buy my own first car. We were all really into soccer, my dad was my soccer coach in middle school and high school and he would skip our games to go watch my oldest brother play in college. When I was in college he would very seldom come to my games since he had to coach a team, which had no family members in it. Me and my wife are the only ones not invited to go on annual family vacations. There are like 30 people who go, and no one asks us to go. Not that it matters anymore, I won't go, even if they ask us.

I own a restaurant in my hometown and my dad stops by occasionally, but that's basically the only time we seen him besides holidays.

I've been considering cutting all ties with my family, they seem to think so little of me anyway.
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Old 06-21-2017, 04:01 PM
 
Location: Paranoid State
13,047 posts, read 10,390,825 times
Reputation: 15672
Quote:
Originally Posted by NewYorker11356 View Post
Easy for you to say if this isn't what happens in your family.
As I grow older, it is far easier.

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