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Old 06-20-2017, 02:26 PM
 
Location: Raleigh, North Carolina
2,095 posts, read 1,081,484 times
Reputation: 4027

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Staying connected is much easier now than it ever was before. When I was in college, calling home was really a treat as the collect calls would pile up. There was no such thing as texting and email. I was ecstatic to find a letter waiting for me in the post office.

These days, video conferencing, texting, email, facebook, etc are all available to help people stay in touch. I'm not sure why moving away is such an issue, anymore, because of the vast number of communications opportunities.

The living situation is the kicker. If he is still living at home, that's one thing, but I get the impression he is not or the OP would have been sure to mention as a supporting argument.
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Old 06-20-2017, 03:14 PM
 
2,301 posts, read 1,265,510 times
Reputation: 2802
I think your son will be fine. Move!
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Old 06-20-2017, 03:16 PM
 
11 posts, read 16,589 times
Reputation: 15
Wow! Lots of opinions on this issue, which is a good thing.

To clarify, DS does live in the dorm at college. College is close by (30 minutes), and he usually does not come home on weekends, but does for all the vacations. He also lives here during the summer because the "internship" company is near his college (30 minutes). So, he would need another place to live (apartment/condo) because we would need to sell this house before moving south.

I am not talking about moving away the day DS graduates from college. Alot of things have to happen first (new house built, old house sold, DS must have job, etc.) A lot of things are not yet known, and I feel we can't move until certain things "are" known: where is DS working, where is DS living.....those two are the main ones.
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Old 06-20-2017, 03:40 PM
 
17,000 posts, read 20,661,755 times
Reputation: 33987
Quote:
Originally Posted by dogrunner View Post
Wow! Lots of opinions on this issue, which is a good thing.

To clarify, DS does live in the dorm at college. College is close by (30 minutes), and he usually does not come home on weekends, but does for all the vacations. He also lives here during the summer because the "internship" company is near his college (30 minutes). So, he would need another place to live (apartment/condo) because we would need to sell this house before moving south.

I am not talking about moving away the day DS graduates from college. Alot of things have to happen first (new house built, old house sold, DS must have job, etc.) A lot of things are not yet known, and I feel we can't move until certain things "are" known: where is DS working, where is DS living.....those two are the main ones.
Thanks for the additional information.

Go ahead and plan your move. He's not as attached as you think, he could have easily commuted to campus with a 30 minute, and obviously has friends he spends weekends with. So he can ask around and get an apartment.

It would be different he was still living at home, but he isn't and in reality he could have.
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Old 06-20-2017, 03:43 PM
 
11,679 posts, read 14,420,920 times
Reputation: 19121
Quote:
Originally Posted by dogrunner View Post
A lot of things are not yet known, and I feel we can't move until certain things "are" known: where is DS working, where is DS living.....those two are the main ones.
Why?
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Old 06-20-2017, 03:45 PM
 
10,604 posts, read 14,188,225 times
Reputation: 17199
Quote:
Originally Posted by dogrunner View Post
Wow! Lots of opinions on this issue, which is a good thing.

To clarify, DS does live in the dorm at college. College is close by (30 minutes), and he usually does not come home on weekends, but does for all the vacations. He also lives here during the summer because the "internship" company is near his college (30 minutes). So, he would need another place to live (apartment/condo) because we would need to sell this house before moving south.

I am not talking about moving away the day DS graduates from college. Alot of things have to happen first (new house built, old house sold, DS must have job, etc.) A lot of things are not yet known, and I feel we can't move until certain things "are" known: where is DS working, where is DS living.....those two are the main ones.
Well you said "after college" so if you were talking a year or so why would you be at odds?

Guessing DH wants to list your house rather close to graduation?

Don't most schools require dorm students to go HOME over vacation periods?

So his legal address is your house until he graduates and you kick him out.

And he has no experience living in adult housing alone.

I guess your husband expects him to somehow come up with a trustworthy roommate, two months deposit, one month's rent and deposits for all the other utilities, furniture, healthcare, car insurance, renters insurance....before he even graduates next spring then....etc etc

Who's car insurance policy is he on? His own? Who's healthcare is he on?

Or is HE offering to contribute a nice little nest egg of say, $5,000 to get him started in exchange for DH being able to bolt to down South?

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Old 06-20-2017, 04:08 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
2,901 posts, read 2,008,313 times
Reputation: 5833
OP, you're getting lots of advice telling you to definitely make the move.

While this may be okay, keep in mind that it's probably from the perspective of a very modernized Westernized mindset where families do move far off from each other to chase different aspects of life that they see as opportunities, because they get bored where they are, etc..

But whether this is a good move for your family is more complex than flippant statements that some have made like "your son is 21, not 11" or "cut the umbilical cord". There's nothing wrong with family wanting to live in close proximity to each other (maybe not always too close , but close enough for easy visits). There are plenty of history where families haven't been as nomadic as they are now, and there have been some pros and cons to both situatoins.

Can this allow people to pursue certain dreams that they have? Yes.
Can there be good reasons for making the move to pursue certain dreams? Yes.
Can they still maintain a close relationship? Yes.
Will the relationship be exactly the same as if you were living closer, and could visit more often? No, probably not.
Is this a good decision for everybody? Maybe, maybe not.
Is there a cost or downside involved, even if it is determined that the pros still outweigh the cons? Probably so.

For those who are lucky to have a good relationship with their families, wanting to stay in close contact even after the proverbial "umbilical cord" has been cut at 21, 31, 41, or 61 is nothing to be embarrassed about, whether you live a 5 or 5,000 miles away.

My only other thought (just my opinion) is that if you are expecting and wanting your son to visit often, there is a travel cost associated with that, and the person making the move should probably be the one to pick up the brunt of the expense and trouble to make that happen, especially if you are in a better time and money situation make that happen. I hear of people who move to faraway locations and then expect their children (who are likely on a tighter budget to pay for the travel and take time off work) to pay for expensive travel, airfare, etc. and that really does seem like a lot to expect.

Best wishes to you!
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Old 06-20-2017, 04:18 PM
Status: "could've~would've~should've used 'have', not 'of'" (set 15 days ago)
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
10,450 posts, read 14,299,056 times
Reputation: 23164
Quote:
Originally Posted by runswithscissors View Post
I guess your husband expects him to somehow come up with a trustworthy roommate, two months deposit, one month's rent and deposits for all the other utilities, furniture, healthcare, car insurance, renters insurance....before he even graduates next spring then....etc etc
That is how a lot of students do it, and a lot of parents do contribute to a 'nest egg' or whatever.
Mine left at 18, decided dorm living was a hassle and was in an apartment with roomies by the time the first summer break rolled around. I paid for the car insurance, the health insurance, a few household items and occasionally helped with rent or groceries. It's not as though once a kid is out there is some rule against helping them with anything they need.
OP if you move what do you see as the worst case scenario with your son? The job falls through, he can't find an affordable place to stay so he has to move down south and stay with you guys while he gets his act together and tries again? He doesn't get to stay with his friends?
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Old 06-20-2017, 04:29 PM
 
10,604 posts, read 14,188,225 times
Reputation: 17199
Quote:
Originally Posted by DubbleT View Post
That is how a lot of students do it, and a lot of parents do contribute to a 'nest egg' or whatever.
Mine left at 18, decided dorm living was a hassle and was in an apartment with roomies by the time the first summer break rolled around. I paid for the car insurance, the health insurance, a few household items and occasionally helped with rent or groceries. It's not as though once a kid is out there is some rule against helping them with anything they need.
OP if you move what do you see as the worst case scenario with your son? The job falls through, he can't find an affordable place to stay so he has to move down south and stay with you guys while he gets his act together and tries again? He doesn't get to stay with his friends?
My comment was about these expenses NEXT YEAR after he graduates. Not during college.

Yes I know, I did it myself because my kid couldn't tolerate the obnoxious party dorm and wanted peace and quiet in an apartment.
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Old 06-20-2017, 04:33 PM
 
10,604 posts, read 14,188,225 times
Reputation: 17199
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jowel View Post
OP, you're getting lots of advice telling you to definitely make the move.

While this may be okay, keep in mind that it's probably from the perspective of a very modernized Westernized mindset where families do move far off from each other to chase different aspects of life that they see as opportunities, because they get bored where they are, etc..

But whether this is a good move for your family is more complex than flippant statements that some have made like "your son is 21, not 11" or "cut the umbilical cord". There's nothing wrong with family wanting to live in close proximity to each other (maybe not always too close , but close enough for easy visits). There are plenty of history where families haven't been as nomadic as they are now, and there have been some pros and cons to both situatoins.

Can this allow people to pursue certain dreams that they have? Yes.
Can there be good reasons for making the move to pursue certain dreams? Yes.
Can they still maintain a close relationship? Yes.
Will the relationship be exactly the same as if you were living closer, and could visit more often? No, probably not.
Is this a good decision for everybody? Maybe, maybe not.
Is there a cost or downside involved, even if it is determined that the pros still outweigh the cons? Probably so.

For those who are lucky to have a good relationship with their families, wanting to stay in close contact even after the proverbial "umbilical cord" has been cut at 21, 31, 41, or 61 is nothing to be embarrassed about, whether you live a 5 or 5,000 miles away.

My only other thought (just my opinion) is that if you are expecting and wanting your son to visit often, there is a travel cost associated with that, and the person making the move should probably be the one to pick up the brunt of the expense and trouble to make that happen, especially if you are in a better time and money situation make that happen. I hear of people who move to faraway locations and then expect their children (who are likely on a tighter budget to pay for the travel and take time off work) to pay for expensive travel, airfare, etc. and that really does seem like a lot to expect.

Best wishes to you!
Apparently the husband's prior children & family members are some how a factor over THIS son or mentioning them wouldn't have even come up.
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