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It got to a point where her obesity was 300 lbs and going.
Sensed? You tell me. She'd pull my hair, laugh at my butt, call me flat chested, tell me I should wear a garbage bag, shave my head...but it was all a joke! She didn't mean any harm by it!
Okay but again I am going to point out you stated even when she lost the weight things didn't change. Something troubling about her for her coninuing behavior and about you for putting up with it that transcends just the differences appearing on a scale.
Does anyone actually thinks about the physical appearance of their friends???
I mean, i never literally thought about how any of my friends look and how i compared to them until reading this (??)
Who worries about this stuff??
Are they levels based on atractiveness for being FRIENDS with people???
As far as i know, and only if you are shallow, people think of level of atractiveness to pick a MATE, but i ve never heard of someone picking their friends based of ATRACTIVENESS. I mean, what???
If anything, you pick friends based on interests, brains, intelligence, etc
Sophie, I don't think about it. However, just for food for thought let's just pretend I only had obese, and "considered by the world to be unattractive" friends (which happens to be untrue in my real life; I have friends of all kinds) , well, then at some point I would sort of question why that is. As in, is it a choice I'm making that all my friends are fat and considered unattractive? But again, because I have all types of friends of all ages and sizes I don't think about it.
Would you say it's better to make friends with people in your own league? (i.e. education, socioeconomic, traditions, cultural, appearance, interests, etc.)
I have a handful of close female friends that for the most part, have been good people and catty behavior is very low. We frequently compliment each other on our appearance and clothes, and are close, and negativity and conflicts are not that often encountered, though they do happen on occasion.
When I befriended these women (it's been 5+ years), I realized my friendship with my so-called 'best friend' was different.
Looking back, there was frequent underlying jealousy on her part.
Growing up together, she struggled with obesity, while I was the super thin friend. Certain things like going to a club I couldn't do with her because she didn't feel comfortable in those places.
She'd throw snide remarks and backhanded compliments (i.e. Look at those chicken legs! What's up pea head? You're flat as a board but a handful is enough for men!) frequently, yet be supportive and very helpful at the same time.
Even after I moved out of state, and visited on holidays, she still had a lot of pent up jealousy despite us not hanging out like before.
But looking back, we were and are very different. I'm not a beauty queen, but when it came to men, I got the attention and drinks, and she was left hanging in the corner all alone. I can imagine how hurtful it was for her but I tried my best to downplay these situations. Even when she lost all the weight, she was the last to be 'picked' by men from our circle of girlfriends. I can only imagine how hurtful this is.
But with these 'new' girlfriends, snide remarks and backhanded compliments, jealousy, not much. But I'll admit, they are very attractive, and thin and perhaps this lack of difference doesn't breed resentment?
I do think that too much of a difference may make one resent the other, that's if one is insecure. I think it takes a very strong character to look past the differences and be content with herself.
Thoughts?
Maybe she senses that you think she's somehow not in your "league". You imply that attractiveness to men is the most important factor in a woman's self-esteem (if that's true for you and your friends, then I'm sorry for you). I suspect she can tell that you feel sorry for her because you think you're more attractive, and is lashing out accordingly.
So if you're an A student, don't hang out with a C student?
It is entirely obvious to me why an intelligent person wouldnt wanna hang out with a dumb person that doesnt understand a sentence the other says. It does not have anything to do with grades, but intelligence. Different things.
Example: Im a literature major, now studying for my PHD, im interested in literature, social politics, social issues, philosophy, history, and good, artistic tv, music and movies. I wouldnt be interested in hanging out with a person that only is interested about their appearance and topics related to that (looks, hair, clothes, etc).
And probably a person interested in those things would find me very boring and wont understand a word im saying.
Thats how it goes. No matter if we are "equally attractive"it would be IMPOSSIBLE for us to be friends.
Sophie, I don't think about it. However, just for food for thought let's just pretend I only had obese, and "considered by the world to be unattractive" friends (which happens to be untrue in my real life; I have friends of all kinds) , well, then at some point I would sort of question why that is. As in, is it a choice I'm making that all my friends are fat and considered unattractive? But again, because I have all types of friends of all ages and sizes I don't think about it.
It seems to me actually entirely superficial to even think about those things, but i guess some people like the OP live in a different kind of world than most people i know.
The way she treated me last time I was around, throwing more jabs than usual, and I kept my cool thinking it was because family issues she had at the time.
It was because deep down she hates me and I realized this until recently.
Jealousy will ruin a relationship!
I have an ex-friend who I've known since I was a teenager. (I'm now almost 60). He is/was a friend/acquaintance of my boyfriend's/husband's when I met him. He used to just tease both of us about normal things people would tease other people about.
As the years went on, he took the teasing to higher levels... downright rude and insulting. He threw money issues at us a LOT. I know he was sometimes trying to be funny, but his comments were hurtful but we just ignored them. UNTIL... he started on my grand-daughter's photo on facebook.
He totally IGNORED my grand-daughter's first photo I posted with my husband (her grand-father). He only made a snide remark about my husband looking old. Not ONE word of how cute our grand-daughter is. He also made a comment a few months later about the cute little pink headband my grand-daughter was wearing (said that it looked like a bride's garter belt). THAT WAS IT, I UNFRIENDED HIM AND I'M FINISHED WITH THE INSULTS. I have always, always made nice comments about his grown children and grandchildren.
After I took him off my facebook, he PM'd me and had the nerve to ask me why I unfriended him. Duh, before you go insulting me and my family, take a look at yourself!
I feel better not having to read or listen to him any more.
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