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Old 06-23-2017, 11:01 AM
 
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I appreciate it when people say they will pray for me. I do. I am not of any strong religious affiliation, but I think its a nice thing to do for someone when they are in need of support. To me, its just holding them in your heart and sending good intentions their way. Do I think it works? I have no idea. But as I say, I generally do appreciate it when people say this.

HOWEVER there are some people who insist your outcome will be different because they have prayed for you and its maddening. For example, I had a health issue which did not turn out well. It was something that was very binary and could not be corrected-- I basically had to have surgery or there would be negative consequences in terms of infection and other complications.

I had a woman I know who insists that her prayers were going to heal this and turn it around. I said thanks for the kind thoughts. Prognosis turned out not good. I let her know. She still insisted that her prayers would heal me without the invasive surgery that I had scheduled. Up to the day I was headed in for that surgery she kept saying "the doctors will not even need to do it. I know my prayers will heal you."

Needless to say they didn't. The insistence that they will or did is now a moot point. But she still persists in saying that her prayers healed me. Surgery healed me. I just try to avoid the subject now.

Do you know any pushy pray-ers? How do you kindly re-direct them?
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Old 06-23-2017, 11:29 AM
 
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That's heading into psychological problem territory. Just let them believe what they want and don't waste your energy arguing. Say you appreciate it and change the subject.
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Old 06-23-2017, 11:40 AM
 
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There's no point in challenging their assertion. It will only serve to belabor the conversation and frustrate you more.

Say thank you, then move on. Do what you need to do. And don't share more information than is absolutely necessary.
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Old 06-23-2017, 11:51 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
2,742 posts, read 1,700,619 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by emotiioo View Post
I appreciate it when people say they will pray for me. I do. I am not of any strong religious affiliation, but I think its a nice thing to do for someone when they are in need of support. To me, its just holding them in your heart and sending good intentions their way. Do I think it works? I have no idea. But as I say, I generally do appreciate it when people say this.

HOWEVER there are some people who insist your outcome will be different because they have prayed for you and its maddening. For example, I had a health issue which did not turn out well. It was something that was very binary and could not be corrected-- I basically had to have surgery or there would be negative consequences in terms of infection and other complications.

I had a woman I know who insists that her prayers were going to heal this and turn it around. I said thanks for the kind thoughts. Prognosis turned out not good. I let her know. She still insisted that her prayers would heal me without the invasive surgery that I had scheduled. Up to the day I was headed in for that surgery she kept saying "the doctors will not even need to do it. I know my prayers will heal you."

Needless to say they didn't. The insistence that they will or did is now a moot point. But she still persists in saying that her prayers healed me. Surgery healed me. I just try to avoid the subject now.

Do you know any pushy pray-ers? How do you kindly re-direct them?
Wow, that is mind-bogglingly arrogant.

I light candles for people, which to me is the same as a prayer. But I always tell them, "Might help, can't hurt," and even if they later tell me that the candle turned things around I just say "I'm so glad it was helpful" and leave it at that.

This lady sounds like she is pretty needy for praise. If she starts in on that again, I would say, each time, "Yes, I'm healed--to God be the glory!" Even if it feels weird to you, not being super religious, to say that, it won't sound weird to her, as a believer. And at that point if she goes on it will sound, hopefully even to her tone-deaf ears, as though she is trying to take credit for what God (or in your case, the surgeon) has done.
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Old 06-23-2017, 12:14 PM
 
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I should share with you what it means when you saying "I'm praying for you" to non-believers.


We know your heart is in the right place, but it means you are doing nothing that has any tangible value. I had a co-worker whose house burned down while she was pregnant with twins. MANY people said, "I'll pray for her." and that was it. Many of us bought clothes, diapers, pooled money for a Home Depot gift card, etc.


Some of us were annoyed that the people praying felt that what they did was just as valuable as the tangible gifts. Maybe in their eyes it was. But to a non-believer, you are doing nothing.
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Old 06-23-2017, 01:21 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Book Lover 21 View Post
I should share with you what it means when you saying "I'm praying for you" to non-believers.


We know your heart is in the right place, but it means you are doing nothing that has any tangible value. I had a co-worker whose house burned down while she was pregnant with twins. MANY people said, "I'll pray for her." and that was it. Many of us bought clothes, diapers, pooled money for a Home Depot gift card, etc.


Some of us were annoyed that the people praying felt that what they did was just as valuable as the tangible gifts. Maybe in their eyes it was. But to a non-believer, you are doing nothing.
A-freaking-men!

I'm a liberal atheist Yankee now living in the south. And I work for a charity where the vast majority are Christian. I've had people tell me I am far kinder than many of my co-workers. I believe in the equal value of all humans. So while some may offer their prayers, I'll slip extra clothing in the bag of a homeless client.

I do appreciate the sincerity of the truly devout, but it can't be the end of their efforts.
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Old 06-23-2017, 01:29 PM
 
Location: British Columbia ♥ 🍁 ♥
7,213 posts, read 6,570,009 times
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This isn't about religion. It's about mental health problems.

When somebody says "MY prayers will heal you" that person is suffering from the delusion of omnipotence, of having godly powers. Which is all well and fine for that person alone as long as they don't have control over helpless family members (like children or elderly parents) who might be prevented from receiving proper medical attention when they need it.

When somebody is that deluded about themselves I don't think there's much can be done to re-direct them. Their belief and faith in themselves as being godly or being a willful instrument of their god is a sign of fanaticism, mental illness and ignorance.

If it's somebody that you are casually acquainted with I think about all you can do is change the subject, don't talk about health matters, don't discuss your other personal business with them, keep encounters short and infrequent if possible.

If it's a family member or other loved one that you don't want to disconnect from it might be helpful if you can gently persuade them to get some psychological counselling. At the very least be observant for growing signs of worse mental health issues in the event that professional medical/psychiatric intervention is required to help them in the future.


.
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Old 06-23-2017, 01:34 PM
 
17,000 posts, read 20,665,159 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by emotiioo View Post
I appreciate it when people say they will pray for me. I do. I am not of any strong religious affiliation, but I think its a nice thing to do for someone when they are in need of support. To me, its just holding them in your heart and sending good intentions their way. Do I think it works? I have no idea. But as I say, I generally do appreciate it when people say this.

HOWEVER there are some people who insist your outcome will be different because they have prayed for you and its maddening. For example, I had a health issue which did not turn out well. It was something that was very binary and could not be corrected-- I basically had to have surgery or there would be negative consequences in terms of infection and other complications.

I had a woman I know who insists that her prayers were going to heal this and turn it around. I said thanks for the kind thoughts. Prognosis turned out not good. I let her know. She still insisted that her prayers would heal me without the invasive surgery that I had scheduled. Up to the day I was headed in for that surgery she kept saying "the doctors will not even need to do it. I know my prayers will heal you."

Needless to say they didn't. The insistence that they will or did is now a moot point. But she still persists in saying that her prayers healed me. Surgery healed me. I just try to avoid the subject now.

Do you know any pushy pray-ers? How do you kindly re-direct them?
This is why we have to pick and choose and think about who we tell our business to.

Many today with social media think everything must be broadcast as world news.

You don't say how you know this woman, but going forward think about the issue before discussing it with anyone.

The late Donna Summer was one of my favorite singers. When she died of cancer in 2012 it was a shock, never any mention of her being ill. Same thing with David Bowie. If famous people can manage to do it so can regular people.

Whether it's an illness, a job layoff, financial issues, death in the family, etc. You don't have to tell everyone, some won't care, and some will say something stupid, and some will secretly delight in your misfortune. There is power in keeping things to yourself and just telling people who really care about you.
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Old 06-23-2017, 01:38 PM
 
Location: here
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I must say that it bothers me when someone credits prayer with something doctors and technology did.
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Old 06-23-2017, 01:51 PM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
17,118 posts, read 34,619,338 times
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When I used to travel for work to the South, as in the Bible Belt, all the locals would throw a quick "god bless" into every conversation. It was really annoying and I would just ignore it.

If someone I know well were to offer to pray for me, I would just say a quick thanks and move on. I don't believe in a god, but if it makes them feel better, then okay. Basically, they are sending positive energy my way.

I also don't believe in "luck". So someone wishing me "good luck" is on the same level as receiving a prayer.

And much better than a person wishing me ill.
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