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Old 06-28-2017, 10:22 AM
 
8,080 posts, read 13,416,274 times
Reputation: 10322

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Quote:
Originally Posted by ItsRick24 View Post
Hold it. He's got a point here...
Why wait around and kowtow to the woman like a lovesick puppy, showing her how much of a good guy you are, while she's off screwing some other guy who couldn't care less?
Sorry, but it is about self-respect! I'm not gonna play the nice guy while she's off ****ing some bad boy! And I'm NOT gonna accept that "Let's be friends" bull**** either. You don't see me as bf material, adios!
What if you met the woman of your dreams but she was just coming out of a bad marriage and
wasn't ready to jump into a romantic relationship ??

Would you "adios" her ??
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Old 06-28-2017, 10:35 AM
 
2,763 posts, read 2,001,972 times
Reputation: 2647
Quote:
Originally Posted by kelly237 View Post
What if you met the woman of your dreams but she was just coming out of a bad marriage and
wasn't ready to jump into a romantic relationship ??

Would you "adios" her ??
She is not ready to date.
She needs time to heal.
She also needs the space to heal.
So it is best to give her both.

Being her friend when you want more as well as saying "adios" are both selfish.
Giving her the time and space to heal is unselfish.
That is what needs to be done.
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Old 06-28-2017, 11:16 AM
 
Location: Arlington, VA and Washington, DC
23,566 posts, read 33,292,659 times
Reputation: 32125
Quote:
Originally Posted by snugglegirl05 View Post
She is not ready to date.
She needs time to heal.
She also needs the space to heal.
So it is best to give her both.

Being her friend when you want more as well as saying "adios" are both selfish.
Giving her the time and space to heal is unselfish.
That is what needs to be done.
What?! I'd be more than happy to give her her space to heal, but I'm not going to hold my waiting for her to get ready if I want romance with her. I'm not going to waste time settling for friendship as a consolation and instead spend that time looking for women who are ready to date. I have every right and duty to look out for my self-interests and self-respect.
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Old 06-28-2017, 11:18 AM
 
Location: Arlington, VA and Washington, DC
23,566 posts, read 33,292,659 times
Reputation: 32125
Quote:
Originally Posted by kelly237 View Post
What if you met the woman of your dreams but she was just coming out of a bad marriage and
wasn't ready to jump into a romantic relationship ??

Would you "adios" her ??
I have to date her first to find out if she is the woman of my dreams. If she ain't up for dating me, safe to assume she ain't the "woman of my dreams."
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Old 06-28-2017, 02:39 PM
 
3,092 posts, read 2,181,248 times
Reputation: 5175
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
What?! I'd be more than happy to give her her space to heal, but I'm not going to hold my waiting for her to get ready if I want romance with her. I'm not going to waste time settling for friendship as a consolation and instead spend that time looking for women who are ready to date. I have every right and duty to look out for my self-interests and self-respect.
And if she wants to talk, that's fine also. But I'm gonna keep dating other women unless/until she is ready for a relationship, but I'm not gonna play the emotional tampon/male girlfriend!

Let her cry on somebody else's shoulder.
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Old 06-28-2017, 06:10 PM
 
1,182 posts, read 1,466,929 times
Reputation: 872
I don't know if I would exactly cut off ties with a female friend just because she isn't attracted to me. I mean I know I thought of distancing myself from this particular woman but only if the feelings got out of hand. Still you could talk to her but just not as much. It could still give you experience plus maybe she has other female friends you could date. This friend that I have is a bit of a loner so I won't be able to have that but it is still good to have female friends that aren't attracted to you. I have female friends I am not attracted to.
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Old 06-28-2017, 08:49 PM
 
8,080 posts, read 13,416,274 times
Reputation: 10322
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
I have to date her first to find out if she is the woman of my dreams. If she ain't up for dating me, safe to assume she ain't the "woman of my dreams."
If you had some female friends that are "just friends" they may help you learn why your
dating life isn't going great.

I can't imagine not having guy friends as well as girlfriends.
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Old 06-29-2017, 12:23 AM
 
Location: Arlington, VA and Washington, DC
23,566 posts, read 33,292,659 times
Reputation: 32125
Quote:
Originally Posted by kelly237 View Post
If you had some female friends that are "just friends" they may help you learn why your
dating life isn't going great.

I can't imagine not having guy friends as well as girlfriends.
I have female friends, in fact I said my best friend is female upthread. I just won't blur the line by staying friends with a girl who rejects a romantic advance I make.
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Old 07-05-2017, 10:22 AM
 
Location: Huntsville, AL
2,850 posts, read 902,759 times
Reputation: 5409
Quote:
Originally Posted by kelly237 View Post
Why the games?
I want a man that doesn't need to do that.
It's hardly a 'game'...
He's letting her know how much he values the relationship he has with her - that she's trusted and respected - and when he lets her know he's 'got a thing for her' - she'll appreciate his outward expression.
My guess? She already knows and is wanting him to 'come out'...
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Old 07-05-2017, 01:15 PM
 
8,080 posts, read 13,416,274 times
Reputation: 10322
Quote:
Originally Posted by TUMF View Post
I'd sit down with her one on one with no possible distractions.
Start off with, "I really trust your judgement and I need some direction as to what I should do. I have a very close friend who I'm growing more and more fond of all the time. I don't want to ruin our relationship, but I'm not sure how she'll handle knowing I've got a thing for her... what do you suggest I do?
See how she reacts and go from there.
When she asks who in the beginning, don't tell her.
When she asks who at the end, hold up a mirror to her.
Good luck.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kelly237 View Post
Why the games?
I want a man that doesn't need to do that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TUMF View Post
It's hardly a 'game'...
He's letting her know how much he values the relationship he has with her - that she's trusted and respected - and when he lets her know he's 'got a thing for her' - she'll appreciate his outward expression.
My guess? She already knows and is wanting him to 'come out'...
Pretending you are talking about someone else is a game.
"When she asks who in the beginning, don't tell her." This is a game.
"When she asks who at the end, hold up a mirror to her." A game.

Just talking to her like an adult is "letting her know"
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