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Old 06-26-2017, 09:21 AM
 
258 posts, read 153,405 times
Reputation: 644

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I have a sister whom I don't want in my life. I haven't spoken with her in 6 years. She insists on texting me on holidays or birthdays, and sometimes texts my son, who also doesn't want her in his life. Usually this isn't an issue as we just stay away from her. Occasionally there will be a bridal or baby shower where we are in the same room. I avoid eye contact with her, and stay far away. If I happen to look her way and see her, I look away. I do not wish to know what she is doing, who she is talking to or what she is saying. She clearly should know I am not close to her. These are my ways of setting boundaries. However. She will follow me around to watch what I do. She loves to interrupt me when conversing with others. And she will talk really loudly when she wants me to hear what she is saying. It is difficult as I no longer go to family holidays just to avoid her. I just want her to let it go, to just leave me alone. Unfortunately she lives with my Dad. I very rarely go there, I talk to him on the phone or sometimes he comes over to visit.
Do any of you have people that don't respect boundaries, or just do not understand them? What do you do?
I really don't know if she is truly clueless or spiteful.
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Old 06-26-2017, 09:23 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
22,550 posts, read 24,143,026 times
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Do you have a good reason that you don't want her in your life, and is she aware of that reason? I can't tell from your post if she's reaching out to make amends, or if she doesn't know that she's offended you.
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Old 06-26-2017, 09:26 AM
 
258 posts, read 153,405 times
Reputation: 644
She know she offended me. It was a very clear incident after my mom died, but a whole lifetime of abuse leading up to it. My therapist and pastor have supported me on this. She is toxic.
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Old 06-26-2017, 09:31 AM
 
258 posts, read 153,405 times
Reputation: 644
She may be reaching out, but I have the right to decline.
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Old 06-26-2017, 09:41 AM
 
9,804 posts, read 5,012,801 times
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You need to stop being passive and expecting her to read your mind. Tell her that you do not wish to have a relationship with her.
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Old 06-26-2017, 10:10 AM
 
16,797 posts, read 14,542,431 times
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Yes. be an adult and use your words. She doesn't know your boundaries because you haven't set any specifically. Tell her you don't want her to contact you or speak to you. Period. And it is also your responsibility to avoid gatherings where she will be present. You are one with the issue, not her, so you need to be proactive and follow through on no contact.

I can't imagine how awkward your behavior makes things for your family though. I assume they think you are overreacting?
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Old 06-26-2017, 10:11 AM
 
7,385 posts, read 13,234,412 times
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She's still trying to get under your skin and doing it in a way she knows that get your attention. Just keep the disengagement and act unruffled. She's just going to keep doing it as long as she's around you, probably waiting for that confrontation.
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Old 06-26-2017, 10:15 AM
 
10,165 posts, read 4,055,986 times
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I don't know what this is about, but you've alluded to it in other posts, and stated that at least some of your family has taken her side in this. As always, there are two sides to every story and it's also true that people make judgements when they don't know the whole thing.

I think you should try to let it go. You are missing out on family events you would like to go to to avoid her, and it seems to me the events you do attend are focused on ignoring her.

There are some things that are unforgivable, and other things that are very irritating but forgivable. Can you be clearer about what she's done? Not specific details, but something like "she called CPS and tried to get my kids taken from me", "she tried to get me written out of the will", "she told my mother lies about me on her deathbed and my mother died believing them". That kind of thing.

Best wishes.
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Old 06-26-2017, 10:15 AM
 
258 posts, read 153,405 times
Reputation: 644
Yes, it has been difficult. I have accepted the fact that since I have the problem with her, I am left out of a lot of family gatherings. I believe God has make good come of this. My children have benefitted the most from this change. My Dad and other sisters are coming around to having their own relationship with me.
I haven't used 'my words' so far because my sister is narcissistic and cannot deal with rejection or shame. She will get revenge. I have been tip-toeing around her to avoid setting her off. But I will consider this more thouroughly.
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Old 06-26-2017, 10:19 AM
 
258 posts, read 153,405 times
Reputation: 644
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
I don't know what this is about, but you've alluded to it in other posts, and stated that at least some of your family has taken her side in this. As always, there are two sides to every story and it's also true that people make judgements when they don't know the whole thing.

I think you should try to let it go. You are missing out on family events you would like to go to to avoid her, and it seems to me the events you do attend are focused on ignoring her.

There are some things that are unforgivable, and other things that are very irritating but forgivable. Can you be clearer about what she's done? Not specific details, but something like "she called CPS and tried to get my kids taken from me", "she tried to get me written out of the will", "she told my mother lies about me on her deathbed and my mother died believing them". That kind of thing.

Best wishes.
Unfortunately, the family that took her side did not know the backdrop. And my aunt who wrote me the letter apologized and told me she loves me. But I also choose not to have a relationship with her. Why? A person who threatens me physically is not worth it.

Last edited by Destiny74; 06-26-2017 at 10:19 AM.. Reason: misspelled
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