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Old 06-29-2017, 07:54 PM
 
60 posts, read 48,465 times
Reputation: 111

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Quote:
Originally Posted by charolastra00 View Post
How do you know they were deleted versus you being blocked?
My 2 coworkers looked under their accounts. The accounts are not there anymore. Whatever it is - I haven't reached out in a few days. Im done trying.

 
Old 06-29-2017, 07:56 PM
 
60 posts, read 48,465 times
Reputation: 111
Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post
OK, thanks.

So this isn't a case of where you just talked online for a year and suggested an outing for the first time since you worked together, she has second thoughts about it and doesn't have enough manners or backbone to just say "changed my mind, can't make it".

It is very odd.
She is the kind of person that would say I can't make it - as that happened before.
 
Old 06-29-2017, 07:58 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,603 posts, read 70,508,089 times
Reputation: 76571
Quote:
Originally Posted by charolastra00 View Post
They might not have removed their accounts because of you, but they seemed to have put you on limited profile (what you saw when you only saw their profile pics and headlines) and then blocked you. If they blocked you, then it would look to you as if they deleted their accounts.
.
Could someone else here speak to this? I have too little experience in social media to know if this is true. But the OP didn't say that the sister's social media profile was taken down. She only said she'd been blocked.

I know a bunch of us sound like we've been watching too much CSI, but stuff does happen. But maybe everything really is ok. In which case, the worst thing that would happen is the OP would feel very embarrassed, and would probably have to find a new friend. I don't think it's out of line, after having received no response to a couple of texts before a scheduled get-together, to call a friend's husband just to check & see if everything's ok.
 
Old 06-29-2017, 07:59 PM
 
Location: Colorado
1,022 posts, read 516,218 times
Reputation: 2076
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJazzy View Post
My 2 coworkers looked under their accounts. The accounts are not there anymore. Whatever it is - I haven't reached out in a few days. Im done trying.
On some platforms, you can temporarily deactivate your account. To someone who doesn't know the platform in detail, it looks like the person is gone, when in fact, it's just a temporary 'vacation' from the site. You can do it as a toggle switch. In fact, I'm "taking a break" myself from one of my sites in exactly this way & even to my "friends", it looks like I'm no longer on there. I can toggle it on & off at will, it's not actually deleting my account, profile, friends, etc, it just looks like I'm not there, until I toggle it back on. I'm not sure if that's how FB works though.
 
Old 06-29-2017, 08:03 PM
 
60 posts, read 48,465 times
Reputation: 111
Quote:
Originally Posted by MsMetal View Post
On some platforms, you can temporarily deactivate your account. To someone who doesn't know the platform in detail, it looks like the person is gone, when in fact, it's just a temporary 'vacation' from the site. You can do it as a toggle switch. In fact, I'm "taking a break" myself from one of my sites in exactly this way & even to my "friends", it looks like I'm no longer on there. I can toggle it on & off at will, it's not actually deleting my account, profile, friends, etc, it just looks like I'm not there, until I toggle it back on. I'm not sure if that's how FB works though.
As I already said 5 times - the accts were deleted or deactivated. They are not blocking me. They are very strange if they took down their accts just because I asked if everything was ok.
 
Old 06-29-2017, 08:04 PM
 
60 posts, read 48,465 times
Reputation: 111
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
Could someone else here speak to this? I have too little experience in social media to know if this is true. But the OP didn't say that the sister's social media profile was taken down. She only said she'd been blocked.

I know a bunch of us sound like we've been watching too much CSI, but stuff does happen. But maybe everything really is ok. In which case, the worst thing that would happen is the OP would feel very embarrassed, and would probably have to find a new friend. I don't think it's out of line, after having received no response to a couple of texts before a scheduled get-together, to call a friend's husband just to check & see if everything's ok.
I'm not embarrassed. She should be though.
 
Old 06-29-2017, 08:08 PM
 
17,002 posts, read 20,672,524 times
Reputation: 33987
Quote:
Originally Posted by MsMetal View Post
That is true, some killers do stupid things. But the odds are still very strongly in favor of the friend simply not wanting contact anymore due to some sort of private matter, not that the friend is actually missing or dead. I feel like I'm watching a TV show with all the speculation & overreaction & trying to solve the 'mystery'. People go 'missing' all the time & the vast majority of them, simply do not want contact with those looking for them.

I've had occasion in the last few years to try & make a number of new friends (new city) & several have totally ghosted like this, including one I had upcoming plans with. It's not uncommon. I agree that it's easy to send a text or communicate, but many people simply don't. After a couple of attempts to find out what's going on, I leave it alone. They obviously don't want to hear from me. It's rude, it's thoughtless, it's inconsiderate, yet people do it all the time. Adult people too, not 20 yo's. Apparently they are too afraid to be honest, so they think it's just easier to disappear. It's frustrating & annoying.

I get that I'm in the minority, but I see contacting family, work & neighbors as prying into something that isn't your business. Perhaps I misunderstood, but I read the OP as having a very casual & occasional real life relationship with the "missing" friend. I did not read it as them being close friends at all. More like an occasional lunch friend. I understand that she's worried, but the truth is she may never find out what happened. To me, this seems like a very deliberate attempt to cut off contact, esp now with the sister blocking her too & I would leave it alone.

And to whoever repped me, I disagree. We're all entitled to our opinion.
I agree with you, we are at all time high for rude behavior. I blame social media.

But don't you think it's a lot of work for the missing friend to have to tell her sister and whoever else, "hey if you hear from this Jazzy Girl block her". They will of course ask why and when you don't have a real reason think you're odd and say "wouldn't be easier just to text and say can't make it?"

While the OP isn't a close friend, they worked together, remained in contact and have socialized a few times since no longer working together.

IDK what the answer is, but if I knew someone was fairly reliable(as in didn't always flake at the last minute or not show up) I would be concerned if everything was alright with them. If their normal pattern of behavior was now not so normal.

If it turned out that it was just a case of no longer wanting to be bothered I would most likely say "FYI, next time just send the person a text, that's better than thinking you're sparing their feelings".

Beacause really first you would cause them to worry, than they would be angry....much easier for everyone involved and a lot less energy to say not interested in having a friendship. You don't even have to say it, you can text it, if they get angry and respond with a nasty text, you don't respond. At least both parties know both of them are still breathing.
 
Old 06-29-2017, 08:11 PM
 
17,002 posts, read 20,672,524 times
Reputation: 33987
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJazzy View Post
She is the kind of person that would say I can't make it - as that happened before.
I just commented on that. When someone does something that is outside their normal behavior.

Ruth just mentioned that some of us watch too much CSI, and I do watch Dateline NBC. Many times the red flag goes up when someone who is normally reliable all of sudden isn't reliable.
 
Old 06-29-2017, 08:12 PM
 
Location: Camberville
12,014 posts, read 16,761,808 times
Reputation: 19718
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJazzy View Post
My 2 coworkers looked under their accounts. The accounts are not there anymore.
That could also mean they locked their profiles way down. If you were to try to find me, you couldn't even with my name or looking through people's friends lists who are friends with me because I have my privacy settings set up that way. That would seem more in line given that you were moved to limited profile before this occurred.

Still far and away more likely than her husband murdering her and her sister, choosing to delete their accounts but only block you on the sister's account, and her work not noticing she was missing for a week. Her sister also knows there is concern.

And if she did delete her account, she deserves her privacy. Again, this is someone who works and would be missed at work if she was to not turn up.

When I was diagnosed with cancer, I made an announcement on Facebook letting people know I was sick (I had just graduated from college, had no family locally - and an incredibly dysfunctional family at that, and was afraid of asking for help so it seemed best idea at the time), immediately had a complete nervous breakdown, regretted anyone knowing about my illness, and deactivated my account without a word. I'm sure I freaked people out, and I regret that now of course, but at the time I could absolutely not handle the embarrassment or attention. I got back on a few weeks later after beginning treatment and getting help with what was happening to me, and apologized. People driving past my house, calling work, etc would have made it all so much worse.

Not everyone handles trauma well, and if your friend is going through something, it's unfortunately that she feels she can't talk about it but she still deserves her privacy.

I understand you're worried and you have every right to be. But also understand that it is not up to you to be a detective. Work and her family are aware if anything is going on. I'm sure it's hurtful and stressful, especially given your history.
 
Old 06-29-2017, 08:13 PM
 
51,901 posts, read 41,783,059 times
Reputation: 32374
Jazzy, maybe something *bad* happened with their family that they don't want to air publically?

Maybe your friend had a nervous breakdown or something bad happened at work and they don't want to share it with you or others.

Let it go.
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