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Old 07-01-2017, 09:04 PM
 
Location: The sleepy part of New York City
1,911 posts, read 1,181,510 times
Reputation: 4249

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Quote:
Originally Posted by MsMetal View Post
Interesting Psych Today article about Ghosting & why it's so painful. I found it spot on, the most recent time it happened to me. The experience really made me question myself & if my friend-picker was broken. It's so rude & so cowardly, yet so common :-(

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...-hurts-so-much
Very interesting article. Thanks for posting it. I had no idea what ghosting was either.

I had a cousin in her late 50's do that to me. She found me on FB, insisted we get together..literally jumped for joy and cried when we got together. She told me how thrilled she was to finally find family so we invited her to our barbecue and she came with her boyfriend of 20 years and we all got along really well. We spoke on the phone during the week. We invited her out to dinner paid for by us and she responded saying her and her boyfriend would be there and they never showed up.
When I asked her why she didn't show she told me online that her boyfriend went into the hospital with heart pains so I got worried and asked via pm how he was.. never heard a word back. I asked her again because now I was really worried.. nothing. no response. I called her and it went right to voicemail so I left a message. I haven't heard from her since. I wondered if I did something but couldn't imagine what. It was very confusing. Then I thought maybe the boyfriend died and she was ignoring people but later found out that he's alive and well.

I found out she'd done that to a few cousins though. She claims to want family but then just stops all communications. I have no idea what's wrong with her. I spoke to her brother who doesn't speak to her at all and he claims it's from all the drugs she did when she was younger. It was a crappy thing for her to do because I really was concerned about her boyfriend.
But at least I know my cousin is still alive because I see her posts on FB. The OP doesn't even know that much.

 
Old 07-01-2017, 09:10 PM
 
1,789 posts, read 1,438,572 times
Reputation: 3680
Well, I think so far your actions have been reasonable OP.

Lots of reasons for something like this to happen...

Could be some type of drug or alcohol issue...

Could be relationship trouble with the husband...

Could be some kind of sudden medical issue....

Could be she heard some kind of bad rumor about you and decided to ditch you...

Could be her husband killed her and buried her in the back yard.....

Hard to know. Going forward I wouldn't call or drive by or anything like that. You are getting close to the territory where if she is trying to avoid you, she will call the cops if you start calling her work or something like that.

You might try writing a letter. Just say you are extremely worried about her etc etc.... Tell her you are not being nosey and if she is going through some issues then you will be there when she is ready to talk about it or not.... If its something you've done or said and she just doesn't want to talk to you then fine, just let you know she is ok and you will cease all contact if thats what she wants. Tell her your trying to respect her privacy but you have had a friend that went missing all of a sudden and was killed etc....

I wouldn't hand deliver....just mail it.

For whats its worth, I started off thinking its most likely got nothing to do with you. Then after the sister blocked you, I think its unlikely that its not directly related to you. She either misinterpreted something you said, or heard some wild rumor or something. If this winds up being the case then just be grateful that you got out of this relationship this easy, you don't need people that have such a weak character they will ghost you just because some bs. She should at least give you the chance to explain, confirm or deny.
 
Old 07-01-2017, 09:24 PM
 
7,063 posts, read 8,557,114 times
Reputation: 8842
I think continuing to try to contact the friend would be a mistake and at that point would be bordering on harassment. The friend is not in communication and has gotten the messages and has not responded. That's a choice. The friend has others in her life who are closer to her (sister, husband, best friend, and probably others). IF something happened others would have found out.

The rest is just curiosity and a desire to know what all is going on and why. It's human nature to want answers, but some clear walls have been put up, and while it's confusing and hurtful it's what the friend and her family has chosen to do. At this point the best is to let it be and accept it.
 
Old 07-01-2017, 10:00 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
77,782 posts, read 69,755,523 times
Reputation: 75528
Quote:
Originally Posted by elliedeee View Post
Very interesting article. Thanks for posting it. I had no idea what ghosting was either.

I had a cousin in her late 50's do that to me. She found me on FB, insisted we get together..literally jumped for joy and cried when we got together. She told me how thrilled she was to finally find family so we invited her to our barbecue and she came with her boyfriend of 20 years and we all got along really well. We spoke on the phone during the week. We invited her out to dinner paid for by us and she responded saying her and her boyfriend would be there and they never showed up.
When I asked her why she didn't show she told me online that her boyfriend went into the hospital with heart pains so I got worried and asked via pm how he was.. never heard a word back. I asked her again because now I was really worried.. nothing. no response. I called her and it went right to voicemail so I left a message. I haven't heard from her since. I wondered if I did something but couldn't imagine what. It was very confusing. Then I thought maybe the boyfriend died and she was ignoring people but later found out that he's alive and well.

I found out she'd done that to a few cousins though. She claims to want family but then just stops all communications. I have no idea what's wrong with her. I spoke to her brother who doesn't speak to her at all and he claims it's from all the drugs she did when she was younger. It was a crappy thing for her to do because I really was concerned about her boyfriend.
But at least I know my cousin is still alive because I see her posts on FB. The OP doesn't even know that much.
My extended family had an experience like that with a cousin we'd never met, who moved into our area. HUGE enthusiasm about connecting with our side of the family, offers & promises to help organize family gatherings, then nothing. Communication continued to the one member of the clan to whom no promises had been made, but eventually that was abandoned, too. As we compared notes, it became clear that they cut people off due to feeling guilty about not following through on the promises.

Yeah, the OP still doesn't know if her (ex?)friend is ok, but every attempt to clarify only raised more questions, so it's best to give up. At least she gave it a good try.
 
Old 07-01-2017, 10:28 PM
 
Location: (six-cent-dix-sept)
4,456 posts, read 2,275,407 times
Reputation: 2750
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJazzy View Post
I do but since the sister blocked me - I'm going to leave it alone.
this mite already have been answered. what exactly did the text say ?
was it: some-stranger wants to be friends with you (block).
or was it: have you heard from marie-bel, we were supposed to meetup last week but havent seen since.
?

answered:
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJazzy View Post
I explained who I was and my concern.

Last edited by stanley-88888888; 07-01-2017 at 10:45 PM.. Reason: answered
 
Old 07-01-2017, 11:11 PM
 
Location: Lexington, Kentucky
6,897 posts, read 3,944,219 times
Reputation: 12721
JustJazzy, I think you reacted in a Kind and Caring way, over this. And it is totally understandable - because their actions
really don't make a lot of sense. Anyone who really cared, or who was really a friend would be worried and concerned over
this. I would be honored if someone thought so much of me, to respond in the way that you did.

I am still trying to wrap my head around this...if she was just avoiding you, the easiest path would have been to text you,
tell you that she couldn't make the lunch date, and had something going on, and it might be awhile before she could
hang out again.

It's really strange that they both deleted their Facebook account. (It's also because of this, that I don't think it has to do
with you personally.) Like some have said...maybe they are dealing with Marital Problems, Infidelity, A family Emergency,
Money issues, Someone having a Nervous Breakdown, etc....there are really so many things that it could be.
 
Old 07-01-2017, 11:40 PM
 
142 posts, read 73,015 times
Reputation: 372
Quote:
Originally Posted by lottamoxie View Post
I think continuing to try to contact the friend would be a mistake and at that point would be bordering on harassment. The friend is not in communication and has gotten the messages and has not responded. That's a choice. The friend has others in her life who are closer to her (sister, husband, best friend, and probably others). IF something happened others would have found out.

The rest is just curiosity and a desire to know what all is going on and why. It's human nature to want answers, but some clear walls have been put up, and while it's confusing and hurtful it's what the friend and her family has chosen to do. At this point the best is to let it be and accept it.
I have a feeling this is why we all keep coming back to this thread.
 
Old 07-02-2017, 12:21 AM
 
6,789 posts, read 3,783,191 times
Reputation: 14422
Quote:
Originally Posted by picklejuice View Post
Could be she found out her husband was/is having an affair, confronted him, deleted accounts and is now dealing with that and hiding from the world.

Out there, I know, but possible/plausible in today's world and society.
Sure it could be and just as easily it could be that he found out his wife was/is having an affair, confronted her, deleted accounts and is now dealing with that and hiding from the world.
 
Old 07-02-2017, 07:01 AM
 
Location: The Jar
20,070 posts, read 14,354,851 times
Reputation: 36805
Quote:
Originally Posted by kokonutty View Post
Sure it could be and just as easily it could be that he found out his wife was/is having an affair, confronted her, deleted accounts and is now dealing with that and hiding from the world.
Yep. Exactly.
 
Old 07-02-2017, 07:44 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
10,186 posts, read 4,757,598 times
Reputation: 21448
So Jazzy did you ever find out what happened? Is she at work?
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